Page 45 of Check Me Out

Then he’s fine. No pain. A pleasant room. And Han, who sits next to him, frowning with concern.

“It’s okay,” Han repeats.

“It’s not.”

“It will be. I can’t tell you more than that, but I can promise you that it will all be okay.”

Reassurances from a supermarket employee, no matter how kindly meant, shouldn’t be relevant right now… but they are. Joe calms just from the sound of Han’s voice and the nearness of his body. And when Han takes one of Joe’s hands in his, Joe feels almost stable. As stable as he’s been since he arrived, at any rate.

“It’s been such a long day,” he says, as if that might explain everything. “The neighbors kept me up all night. It was almost dawn when I finally fell asleep—and then my alarm went off. I seriously thought about calling in sick.”

“Why didn’t you?”

That is a good question. Although Joe likes to think his work is important, it certainly isn’tcritical. A slight delay wouldn’t cause any major disasters. Sure, his boss might get a little pissy, but Joe doesn’t generally abuse his sick leave, and the boss would get over it. Joe had likely dragged himself out of bedsimply because it’s what he’s supposed to do, what is expected of him.

Joe shakes his head. “I showered, put on my boring work clothes, made coffee. Just like every morning.” He must have grabbed his suitcase too, although he doesn’t remember that.. “I did my job. And now… I don’t understand what’s going on. I forgot to pack dental floss, so I….” Why has he gone shopping when he’s so exhausted rather than waiting until morning? He could survive one night without flossing. He can’t recall his reasoning.

Instead of pressing him on the issue, Han nods thoughtfully. “It’s easy to get tied up in our jobs sometimes.”

“Dina said you’re overdue for a vacation, didn’t she?”

Han sighs. “I don’t really want to spend my off-time alone. But I couldn’t find anyone else who…. What are your thoughts on chemistry, Joe?”

Taken aback, Joe blinks. “Um, I took it in high school, but I don’t really remember—”

“Not the class,” Han says with a laugh. “The concept. Do you believe that sometimes two people can be so right for each other that when they meet there’s an instant bond? Like two atoms joining to form a molecule that’s more than the sum of its parts.” As if to illustrate, he laces his fingers together with Joe’s.

Giddiness makes Joe laugh. He has never felt so many strong emotions rushing through him in such a short space of time. In fact, he’s always been exceptionally calm and rational. But there’s nothing rational about this day, or about the feelings he’s having for Han.

Joe squeezes Han’s hand. “If you’d asked me yesterday, I would have said no.”

“And now?”

Instead of answering with words, Joe leans forward and kisses him.

For a very brief moment, Han goes still and Joe wonders if he’s made a terrible mistake. But then Han makes a lovely little moan and throws himself fully into the kiss, gathering Joe for an embrace that feels like coming home. In those arms, Joe is safe, he’s interesting, he’s valued. He’s a part of something new and precious. He never wants to leave.

He hears sirens and, startled, pulls back. “What…?”

“I shouldn’t have done that,” says Han, eyes filled with sorrow.

“I’m sorry. I started—”

“Don’t. I’m not sorry we kissed. It was wonderful. But it’s not what’s supposed to be happening right now.”

Right. Han is working and Joe…. God, there’s that headache again, making it hard to think. The sirens are still there, faint but somehow still strident.

Joe stands slowly, as if he’s an old man. “I wish…. Well, it doesn’t matter. I’ve made choices and here I am.”

“Not all decisions are as final as they seem.”

“I think mine were.” Because deep inside, Joe knowsexactlywhat’s going on, and he knows he can’t deny it much longer. Consequences loom.

“I appreciate… all of this,” he says. “I appreciate you. But I think I need to just get my dental floss and go back to my hotel.”

Although Han looks as regretful as Joe feels, he stands as well. “Why don’t you relax here and I’ll go get it for you?”

Joe does not want to be alone. Not anymore, and especially not now. But what he says is, “Okay. Thanks.” And he watches as Han leaves the room, shutting the door softly behind him.

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