Page 87 of Bane of the Wild Hunt

“I… don’t know,” she admitted, tilting her head as she pondered. “You should not kneel. You are not meant to.”

I could think of more than a few courtesans in Lystby who vehemently disagreed with her, but I was not about to make a crude joke to this poor creature. It was unlikely she would even understand the meaning if I tried.

“Would you like to bathe?” I asked, and Nuala nodded at me slowly. “Do you want me to help you disrobe?”

“You can do as you wish. Why do you keep asking for my permission?” she asked me, frowning and shaking her head as if this made no sense to her.

The question sent a fissure of disgust blazing through me in spite of my intention to be patient. In spite of my intention to listen to Carrick’s suggestion and allow her to cling to whatever helped her feel comfortable. But I could not contain the urge to reassure her that she wassafe.

“From now on,everythingwill be your choice, Nuala. Your needs and wishes matter, and no one will touch you without your agreement. So tell me what you want now. Shall I help you or leave you to do it alone?”

I heard her heart accelerating rapidly and that panicked wildness widened her one eye before she jolted as if she had stopped herself from reaching for me.

“Don’t leave—” she began to blurt before she caught herself and then quickly lowered her hand. She looked down and was silent for some time, her body trembling.

“I won’t leave,” I assured her softly, and she breathed deeply through her nostrils as if steadying herself before raising her head again. And although only her amber eye could open enough to see me, there was no mistaking that fire was still burning in her bruised heart.

“What I want is not to have to make all these choices,” she informed me with surprising confidence.

“What?” I gaped, the shock of her words like a slap.

“I am a witch in a faerie land that will hate me, and a child of fire who was thrown into darkness that swallows the flames. I am empty of needs and wishes save for one thing, the only desire that I remember wanting more than anything, and that was to be atyourside. So I want you to say that I will not worry over those under your command. I want you to say I will bathe and eat and sleep, and when the time comes, I want you to tell me to See and to burn and to unleash all this rage, and Iwill. That is all I want.”

I was speechless, but I also understoodperfectlywhat she was asking of me. The gods knew that there had been times in my life when I longed not to be the one to bear the burden of my own power. Times when I had sought my own forms of relief from the pressures of authority. She wanted a master. Someone she trusted to take control of her and her needs so she did not have to think or fight or feel anymore or be invested in anything real.And she already knew, because she was a Seer, that I would be that kind of person for her. She knew it was a role that I was willing to play in exchange for what she would give me.

I had been filled with dread at the thought of failing yet another abused soul, but this was not what I’d been expecting from Nuala. This was not about me healing her, this was about control and safety. That expression which I’d thought I could not possibly have seen in her face had beenreal. She felt more secure being under my command, and although I may not be able to help her heal mentally or emotionally, I could provide this to her. I could be the master she was craving and help her feel safe here.

Because the truth was that the thought of something being so wholly within my power was soothing to me too. And Iknewthat agreeing to use her like that, not just to help her but because I needed it to, was so unbelievably selfish and aberrant after what she’d been through, but she needed this as much as I did.

“Very well, if that is what you desire, then listen very carefully. You will allow me to bathe and dress you now, then you will eat, and then you will sleep. I will arrange for a healer to see you later. No one is permitted to touch you anymore without my permission.”

Emotion flooded her face, her brows furrowing as she drew her bottom lip between her teeth as if to stop it from trembling. Her one eye closed, and her breathing became so rough that I worried at first I had said the wrong thing. But then she nodded enthusiastically, and I recognized she was relieved. That was euphoric relief on her face.

“Can you stand?” I asked, making sure that my voice was firm and expectant rather than soft and pliant.

She seemed to think about it for a moment before she pushed herself up from the mattress. Her breath hitched sharply withpain, so I rose to take her elbow for support as she tried to straighten.

“That’s good. Hold still a moment while I get this off,” I told her, keeping one hand on her elbow while I reached for the torn collar of her dress. I ripped the filthy scrap of cotton off her and burned it into ash in the blink of an eye.

Then I scooped up her trembling body and carried her over to the basin to bathe her.

Chapter twenty-five

WITHIN MY CONTROL

Rian

Iknelt to deposit Nuala slowly into the water that smelled of Ichor of Airmid leaves, and she hissed and shook when the medicine stung her raw flesh. The basin darkened around her instantly, and I knew I would have to change it right away. But I tried to remove as much of the straw and grime that was caked all over her as I could first.

That first basin was pure filth when I portalled out to the forest with it to dump it.

I spent a long time lathering her hair with the oil I used to scrub blood off my hands after battle and then dumped fresh water over her. It made it easier to remove the last of the debris. That was when I realized that the streaks of red in her hair were not fresh blood but her natural colour. Such an unusual feature, much like her mismatching eyes, and I found it was uniquely beautiful.

I tried not to focus on the pitiful body under my hands that was crooked in places with scars layered over scars and protruding bones, but I was still thorough with her. She had entrusted herself to me, and I took that seriously. So I was gentleand warned her before touching anywhere that was particularly intimate or especially disfigured but did not shy away from any part of her. I was attuned to her every breath and flinch to ensure that she was still comfortable and not in too much pain while I worked.

I changed the watermanytimes before it stayed clean when I dumped a pitcher over her. Only then did I dismiss my reeking armour which would be cleansed magically upon its return to its metaphysical home. Then I retrieved my scented soap to lather Nuala again, this time warming my hands with my magic to make every touch even more pleasant and relaxing. I dug my thumbs into her muscles and massaged my fingertips against her scalp until she melted and tilted her head back against my chest. Her hair soaked my cotton shirt, but I didn’t protest as I used both thumbs to knead her temples, sweeping across her brows, down her forehead, and under both eyes. I tried to hit all the pressure points in her face and neck to release stored tension while avoiding cuts and bruises.

“Your hands are so kind,” she breathed, the first words spoken between us in over an hour. “Like magic.”

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