Page 165 of Bane of the Wild Hunt

I amnotexcusing you, Orion. Your fear is acceptable. Your reactions to it certainly are not,he insisted.

I know,I assured him.

This is rooted… in your youth,he observed cautiously, and I felt him prodding at me to know the whole truth.

I immediately shut him out of my memories.

Yes. That is all you need to know,I said, but he merely raised his brows at me with that tenacious expression that I usually loved… when it was directed at other people.

I will need to know everything if I am going to help you to overcome this. And Iwillhelp you overcome this.

You cannot. Riordan, I have tried, it is… monstrous.

I can be a monster too when I must be,he assured me, before he stood again.I am not afraid of your demons.

I thought I might cry at his feet as a toxic mixture of relief and shame and self-loathing curdled in my stomach and made me want to be sick.

When I thought I might have my emotions somewhat under control, I raised my head and was surprised to find Amira standing near.

She was ready to step in front of you,Riordan revealed, and I almost wanted to be sick again at the thought.

That is wrong. She should not feel protective of me.

Try and tell her that,Riordan challenged smugly.

I could barely bring myself to look at her, but when I finally did, Amira’s amber eyes held nothing but concern. She glanced at Riordan as if seeking reassurance before she stepped forward to hold out her hand for me.

I stared at the unexpected offer, uncertain how she could extend any courtesy to me after how I had behaved. But after a moment’s hesitation, I reached up to take her hand and allowed her to help pull me back to my feet. Riordan put a strong andgrounding hand on my shoulder, and they both held onto me until I finally felt like I could breathe again.

“We need to get home and figure out who is attempting to undermine my power,” Riordan announced once he could sense that I was well enough to travel again.

But I was focused on Amira who was still holding my hand as if she knew I needed the lifeline.

Chapter forty-five

I NEED TO SPEAK WITH HER

Orion

Ipaced my room in Ergastiri, unable to sit or stand still, unable to purge the anxious thrum in my bones. I had spent most of the night bloodying my hands in my usual method for self-soothing, but not even a practice dummy could absorb all my fury this time. I could not seem to rid myself of this anguish rotting away in my gut.

There was only one thing that seemed to bring me any measure of peace, and it was the memory of compassion in Amira’s eyes as she held tightly onto my hand. It had sunk hooks deep into a part of me that was sodesperateto be seen and touched. Held. And I was tired of denying it. Tired of pushing it down beneath the anger. I used to tell myself it was self-preservation. I used to think it was this weak part of me that craved the things I was not entitled to that was eating me alive. But Amira…

We may not have come from the exact same situation, but she had a mother who loathed her. She talked about growing up on the street, not knowing where her next meal would come from, and not feeling safe in the night. And she did not hide thosethings. She was not ashamed. She spoke about it, harnessed the experience, and used it to help others. She went to war with it, and shewon.

We were still not the same. She had not been sold into slavery as a child. She was not thepropertyof another. But… if there was ever anyone who might know how to finally rip out this aching, burning, sharpthingthat was searing and shredding me inside… it might be her.

Riordan… I need to speak with Amira. Where is she?

Myskiáhad been respecting my wish for privacy since we returned home the night before, but he did not hesitate to respond when I called on him.

She is in the Rookery. It is soup day, he reminded me, and then I felt him assess my desire to see her to ensure that I would not be cruel when I found her. When he was satisfied that my intentions were pure, he consented.

I did not hesitate long enough to talk myself out of it and went right out the window. I flew hard and fast over the lake and soon landed in the Rookery where the mere scent of the mudbrick buildings made me cringe.

Part of me hated that she spent so much time in the place that scarred me in ways that could never be mended. And part of me appreciated that she was working to make sure that other children did not become me.

I followed the small crowds of fey and Ktínos headed in the same direction until I found the line that they were forming. At the front of the immense formation with all the other volunteers behind the tables piled in soup bowls and bread loaves was Amira.

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