Page 107 of Bane of the Wild Hunt

“Ciaran hated your brother when he first met him. They still became close friends,” Rian informed her.

Summer grimaced and shuddered in evident disgust at the thought, and Rian laughed, surprising even my father with such a genuine outburst of amusement.

“Think about it, but do not make Ciaran a part of your consideration. He is an exceptional rider and a protective and loyal friend once you earn his trust. You will be glad to have him at your side then,” Rian reassured her.

Summer nodded and then looked at me rather coyly. “Shall I… wait outside?” she suggested, and I felt a surge of appreciation for her cogitation. I glanced at my father who was waiting silently at the door, and he understood my wordless request right away.

“I’ll wait with you,” he offered, and Summer nodded, inclining her head respectfully to Rian before tipping her forehead briefly against my shoulder as she turned away. Such a seemingly innocuous gesture, but from a female who did not often show affection, it was significant.

She went to my father, allowing him to tuck her arm with his before they walked through the door.

“You care a great deal for her already,” said Rian, and I glanced back to find him watching me with his head tilted. “Ciaran was right about that, at least.”

“The bond is—”

“A binding of magic that will grow into whatever you feed it. Do you think I do not know you well enough to recognize when your heart is walking away from you? Sage, you feel with your whole body. She will also know it soon if she has not figured it out already,” he said.

“You are deflecting,” I dismissed, narrowing my eyes.

“Can you really not let it go?” he asked.

“No. You may not want to hear it, and perhaps I have no right to insist that you do, but I cannot move forward until this is resolved properly between us.”

Rian drew in a deep breath, tipping his head back as if searching for patience among the beams of his tent.

“Very well, Sage,” he sighed, before turning to face me directly as if waiting for a punishment or a blow.

At first I was not sure where to start or how to convey the depth of how I was feeling. I could only stare at him, remembering the way he had staggered to his knees with overwhelming grief. There was no trace of that anguish in his face now, because I knew he felt he had to repress it in order to stay in control. Ever since he killed a scouting party in a fit of rage and pain when his father was killed by Fuath, Rian had been opting to suppress himself rather than risk killing anyone again. Upon hearing of the death of his mother and the annihilation of his village, he would have killed us too if not for Summer absorbing enough of his power to prevent it. And he would have overwhelmed her too if I had not overridden his shields and smothered his magic at its root inside him.Something only another rider could have done to him thanks to the access he had granted me. Access he had entrusted to me. Violating that trust went against every single code my brothers upheld amidst ourselves in the Wild Hunt.

“I will not try to justify what I did. It was wrong to abuse our bond and your trust—”

Rian looked confused and then rolled his eyes.

“Stop. I would have killed you,” Rian reminded me in apparent exasperation. I blinked in surprise which made him sigh and then reach to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Not everyone is deserving of your conscience. You did what you had to do,” he informed me before he lowered his hand to look at me sternly. “You did what Iwantyou to do if, gods forbid, this happens again,” he stressed.

“You are not angry?” I verified in confusion.

“Oh, I am angry, Sage. Angry that you had to do that. I’m angry you had to choose youranamover someone that you trusted to lead you. And I am deeplyashamed,” he admitted, voice growing so faint that I barely heard. “And when I feel these things, I am dangerous.”

He had not been avoiding me because he was angry withme, I realized. He was avoiding the emotions that being face-to-face with me was evoking.

“Rian—”

“I don’t want to hear you try to justify or absolve me. I’m the leader of the Wild Hunt and commander of our armies in Ahnnaòin. There is no excuse for losing control and endangering my brothers. My blood,” he stressed.

He looked as if he wanted to reach for my arm the way he would have done without hesitation before Aodhan’s death rocked him, but his face hardened instead.

“You cannot purge everything real from inside of you,” I objected. “Surely repressing your magic will only make it more volatile and difficult to manage.”

Rian was silent and contemplative before he seemed to decide to try and explain himself.

“I make no excuses, but try to conceive of my power as an active volcano. Eruption is ever imminent, and even the tiniest of cracks can become a point of weakness from which the power may find its way into the world.”

I knew right away this would be a difficult concept for me to fully comprehend because my magic had never felt as though it were bursting from me. Much of it was still and muted beneath a mirrored floor in my mind in which I could see naught but my own face reflected back. Difficult to use.

“Volcanoes will always inevitably erupt in order to know peace, Rian. Perhaps there is a way to do so safely before it is no longer your choice?” I suggested.

“Perhaps, but not knowing the extent of my power or its destructive potential makes me reluctant to experiment with the possibilities,” Rian admitted, and I grunted in a reluctant understanding.

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