Page 22 of In Too Deep

Walking to the lineup, I move in front of Katie. As I step to the front of her, she slams into my back, sending me flying into a row of metal chairs. My shoulder collides with the steel. My knees hit the floor. The chair topples over. I moan as an official bends down and lifts me up by my good shoulder while my left shoulder aches and tears prick at my eyes.

“Are you okay?” the official asks.

With a quick bow, I turn back to Katie and tense up.Great, swimming with a stiff shoulder. As if I wasn’t nervous enough. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“What happened?” he demands.

Taking a deep breath, I can’t say for sure it was Katie who pushed me as I didn’t see. Even though I suspect her, I can’t be one hundred per cent sure, so I say nothing. “I fell. Sorry to worry you.”

“Are you sure? Do you need a medic?” he asks.

I give my head a slow side-to-side motion, then roll my shoulder again as more tears form in my eyes. “I’m fine. I need to race.”

He gives a subtle dip and helps me back into the lineup. Turning around I glare at Katie, who’s smirking.Fucking bitch!

The line starts moving, so I turn around and walk out, hoping that nothing else happens. I massage my left shoulder slightly, trying to ease the pain but causing more.

I better leave well enough alone.

I’m seething. If Katie has fucked up my chances at going to Melbourne, I might take that disembowelling thing seriously.

While we walk out into the centre, the crowd cheers for us. Taking in short, shallow breaths, I calm myself. I need to find a centre of gravity and hold onto it because I’m psyching myself out. The idea of not only freezing mid-swim but also my shoulder halting me from doing my best is starting to play on my mind.

With your heart.

Gulping, I stumble to my seat and scan the crowd, spying Caro’s parents and brothers. Sitting in the next row over is Coby. They’re all smiling, giving me the boost I need.

I CAN do this!

I’m going to use the fire from the pain, and the anger from what Katie did, to light the match. I have more drive and determination in me right now than ever before. There’s so much on the line, and I’m not going to let Katie Reynolds destroy my Olympic dreams, and I’m certainly not going to let my head destroy them either.

They call my name. I wave to the sea of faces with my good arm as the home crowd cheers for me, spurring me even more. My breathing hitches slightly at the show of support from my peers. I beam, even though my shoulder is hurting, and there’s that small niggle in the back of my mind telling me it’s going to hinder my stroke. Taking off my Marion swim shirt and track pants, I place them in the bin and roll my shoulders. The ache is not terrible to the point of injury, just to the point of bruising. Still, it could be enough to slow me down a little.

Slapping my biceps, I crack my neck from side to side and step up to the starting block. My heart is racing so fast, it’s like I’ve had fortyRed Bulls. Either way, my blood is pumping hard and fast through my veins as my breathing is slightly rushed, but I try to control it.You can’t go into a race out of breath, Lacy. Especially this one.The butterflies in my stomach are going crazy.

The buzzer sounds.

I step up onto the starting block.

Taking in long, deep breaths, I repeat my mantra over and over.

Thank you, Mia Hamm!

“Take your mark.”

Bending down, I close my eyes and breathe. Opening them again, I wait for the gun to go off. All the noise around me evaporates. My ears throb. My heart hammers before the gun fires. I grit my teeth and force my body off the starting block. I dive headfirst into the crystal-clear blue liquid. As the water hits my face, I can’t stop the adrenaline from surging. A fire burns right through me as I dive. I sway up and down, moving as far as I can before I come up for my first stroke. I reach dead straight in front of me, breaking as I finally come up and take a much-needed breath. I bring my arms over my body and slam them back down into the water. My shoulder pulls, making me wince slightly. Yet I push on. This is too damn important for me—I cannot wimp out.

I continue with stroke after stroke as I wave in a perfect rhythm through the water. I’m not sure where I am in the lead of the race, but right now, all I need to concentrate on is getting to the finish. Presently, I’m about halfway through as I duck, hitting the wall and swivel, diving back down through the liquid and moving my body for the final fifty of the swim of my life. My lungs are starting to burn. My muscles are freezing—especially my left shoulder—but I need to push. I need to hit the wall before theFINAqualifying time—that’s my sole aim. I don’t need to come first—I just need to come in before that time.

So I push, I push through the pain, through the agony of losing air, through the knowledge that I’m slowing my pace. I think of four years ago. When I froze. But something inside me flicks. I picture Coby’s face telling me to swim from my heart, not my head. So I light the match one last time, ignoring the pain, my lack of breath, and my burning lungs. Ignoring the fact that every inch of me is screaming in agony. I need this, I’ve worked so hard for this. My eyes well as I push through the agony. Every time I come up for air, I can’t get enough, but I keep pushing through.

I’m going to make it!

I slam the wall. My feet touch the bottom of the pool. I rise to the surface, water dripping from my face. I take in deep lungfuls of air. I’m practically gasping, as I roll my shoulder and study the time board. I burst into tears. I hit the wall in second behind Katie—not ideal—but the main issue is I came in .07 under theFINAqualifying time.

I’m going to the Olympics!

But only by the skin of my teeth.

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