Page 48 of Out of the Shadows

Xander grinned at him. “You explained it just fine. You should ask her out. Who knows, maybe she feels the same way.”

“There’s chemistry there for sure, but... I don’t know.I’m not really cut out for relationships.” He’d seen too much. Done too much.

“Is that what you want with Bean? A relationship?”

“I think she deserves a relationship.”

Xander shook his head. “That’s not what I asked. Doyouwant a relationship with her?”

He was quiet for a moment as he thought about his friend’s question, then he answered honestly. “If I was capable of having a relationship, I’d want it to be with her.”

“Then ask the woman out already. Shoot your damn shot. You never know, man.”

Easier said than done. Gavin knew a relationship wasn’t in the cards for him. Especially not with someone as good as Bean. Because he’d inevitably fuck things up, and it would make things awkward—with their friendship, with work, with... everything.

She deserved so much more than what he could give her. He just had to keep reminding himself of that.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Bean stood and stretched, her stomach grumbling loudly. Hours had passed since she’d eaten those delicious donuts, she’d worked through lunch, and her frustration was at its boiling point. It was nearly seven in the evening, and she’d sent the cyber team home two hours earlier. She scanned her far monitor, impatience gnawing at her as the various programs—hers, the cyber team’s, and Tiny’s—were running at a snail’s pace. They were no closer to finding out who had gone after Gavin.

She thought about heading to the staff kitchen to see if there were any leftovers remaining from the lunch Gavin had delivered, but her attention snagged on the two brown boxes sitting at the edge of her desk. Despite her hunger and growing irritation, they brought a smile to her lips. She chuckled as she peeked at the boots and set them aside. Hiking boots. The man had bought herhiking boots.

She slipped off her beautiful Ferragamos, opened the smaller box, and carefully removed the Louboutins. After putting them on, she walked the length of her office and couldn’t help but stare at her feet in wonder. She still wasn’tquite able to wrap her brain around the fact that Gavin bought these for her. Not only because of the hefty cost of the beauties—they were even more expensive than the Ferragamos—but because the moment she’d seen them online months ago, she’d practically salivated. She’d really, really wanted them, but they were way out of her price range. Yes, she pulled in a fantastic salary at Hudson Security and could technically afford them, but she hadn’t been able to justify the price.

She kicked a foot out and bit back a swoony sigh, because they werethatfreaking gorgeous. They gave the illusion of real-life glass slippers with just enough sparkle to catch the eye, but not too much so that she’d look ridiculous wearing them to work.

Having spent her entire childhood in boarding schools, she’d been a sucker for fairy tales and Disney princesses. The magical and fanciful stories had been so different from her own life that they’d captivated her.

By the age of four, she’d been considered a gifted child prodigy in both math and science, so she knew fairy tales weren’t based in reality. By the time she’d hit her teens, she’d still harbored a secret love of those stories, but all she’d had to do was look at her own life to know those happily ever afters didn’t exist. At least, not for her.

Facts. Hard work. Persistence.

For as long as she could remember, those were her three pillars.

But one look at the pretty shoes had those old, fanciful longings stirring. AndGavingifting them to her had her wishing for things she had no business wishing for.

With a sigh, she slouched into her chair. They were friends. Good friends. Good friends who were attracted to each other. She may not be the best when it came to interacting with people, but she’d stood on the sidelines and inthe shadows observing others her entire life. She knew people, could read them. Yes, she’d made mistakes here and there, but she was almost certain that her newfound attraction to Gavin wasn’t one-sided.

Just thinking about him had those butterflies in her belly launching. Partly from excitement, and partly from nerves. After all, she hadn’t been with a man in far too long. Years, in fact.

She winced. Nearly seven years if she wanted to be exact.

Her last and only adult relationship had ended in disaster. Geoffrey, the man she’d thought she’d loved—the man she’d thought loved her back—had been a liar. He’d not only lied to her, but to everyone, including their country. Knowing he had deceived and used her for over two years to gain access to classified information had been humiliating. The man had played the long game with her and had nearly succeeded since she’d been too inexperienced, too naïve... too stupid to figure it out. Until it had almost been too late.

Shortly after joining Hudson Security, she’d attempted to do a casual, one-night thing with some guy she’d met at a bar over on neighboring Whidbey Island. She was no stranger to casual—the two experiences she’d had before Geoffrey had been the epitome of casual friends-with-benefits situations—but the sex-with-a-complete-stranger thing, the him-not-remembering-her-name-two-minutes-after-he’d-pulled-out thing hadn’t been for her. Between the embarrassment and shame of what had happened with Geoffrey, and the cheapness she’d felt after that one-night stand, it was safe to say she was wary of ever getting involved with anyone again.

But Gavin was different. She knew him.

You thought you knew Geoffrey, too, and look how that turned out.

Her stomach twisted. No, dammit. The two men were nothing alike.

Geoffrey had been arrested for treason. God knows what had happened to him after he was convicted and sentenced. She’d tried to find out, but whoever was in charge of him had buried his info deep. Too deep to be worth the risk of finding out more.

It wasn’t the same with Gavin. Not at all. If Gavin was deceitful, he was conning a whole hell of a lot of people. Granted, that’s exactly what Geoffrey had done, but she had learned her lesson and had done extensive research on both Gavin and MacKay before joining Hudson Security. So it was apples and oranges, right?

Stifling a groan, she stared at her ceiling tiles. It was times like these that Bean wished she had a close girlfriend. Someone she could talk to and hash everything out with. Yes, she was friends with Esme and even Owen, but not like that. She occasionally got together for drinks with her coworkers, but she mostly kept to herself. It was a habit. Years of virtual solitude tended to do that to a person. Combine that with her workaholic tendencies, and she was lucky she even knew her colleagues on any sort of personal level.

---