Page 59 of Love You Always

“Holy shit,” she says finally. “I want that app.”

“You do?”

“Um, yeah. It’s a great idea. You didn’t find investors for that? I’m surprised.”

Pulling in a long deep breath, I debate whether to tell her the one bit of information I’ve withheld from everyone in my life, especially my siblings. Ella reaches over and picks up my hand. The warmth of her fingers intertwining with mine dissipates whatever resistance I have. If anyone is going to know my deepest secrets, I want it to be her.

“I did have one offer. A good one,” I admit.

“That’s amazing.”

“But I couldn’t take it.” It hurts to say the words out loud. I explain how discouraged I’d been after every investor had reconsidered, how disheartened I’d felt that night at the party in the Hollywood Hills. I neglect to mention her part in it—how I’d almost folded my cards after she blew me off, how she somehow came to symbolize everything I’d never achieve in LA. But I don’t want to pollute what feels so good now with detritus from the past.

The truth is that after she’d blown me off, I’d had a firm talk with myself and considered leaving LA, but I couldn’t do it. Somehow the rejection by her and all the investors fueled me to seek out one more meeting with a venture capitalist who was even more flush with cash than anyone else I’d met with. It felt like a hail Mary, the kind you throw when you have nothing left to lose. She’d been the final push that got me there, and the next day, I reached out to a contact of a friend of a friend and got the meeting.

“My dad had a stroke. This was before the Alzheimer’s diagnosis, but the end result was the same. I had no business pursuing some dream in LA when my dad needed me here to run thebusiness for him. I had to come home, and the investor insisted that I be in LA to build the company with him or there was no deal.”

I’d been looking at my lap while the words rushed out, trying to convey the information without having to think too long and hard about it. It was painful then and it’s just as painful now, only now the situation with my dad is so much worse.

I feel Ella’s hand softly graze my cheek and look up to find her looking as crushed by my story as I feel. Her eyes search my face as if trying to find evidence that there’s more to the story, a happy ending that I’m holding out on her. I shake my head.

“I’m so sorry,” she says.

“Thank you.” I can barely get the words out, suddenly choked up by how much she cares. It’s such a relief to have the truth out in the world finally, even if she’s the only one who knows it. Especially because she’s the only one who knows it.

“So that’s it? You just had to walk away?”

“Yeah. It’s been a fire drill twenty-four-seven since I’ve been back. Keeps getting worse every day, somehow, so there’s no time to work on it.”

“There has to be a way. It’s too good of an idea to let it go to waste.”

I lean toward her and kiss her temple. She’s so good and sweet, so optimistic. It’s hard to be the one to tell her there’s no Santa Claus, but I need to make her understand.

“I have a responsibility to my family. I needed to take over for my dad, so here I am. I’m him.”

“You’re not him. You’re doing his job, but you’re a completely different person.”

She hasn’t even met him, but she says it with such certainty that I want to believe her. I want her to be right. I don’t want to be my dad.

But it may already be too late to prevent it.

CHAPTER 29

Archer

“I have an idea,”Ella says, indicating that I should get off the highway at the next exit. “Field trip time. And no, it’s no ‘wine-tasting experience’ but it’s something fun we can do.

“I’m just going to ignore your mocking of my wine tasting.”

“At your peril.”

She points at where I should turn next. We’re not near anyplace I can think of that has entertainment venues. This part of town is mostly businesses. There’s a car repair place, a mini mart, and a gas station, but not much else. I wonder if I should offer Ella some help since she probably doesn’t know the area.

“We could drive to St. Helena. Have you been there?”

She laughs. “Of course I have. Your sister took me there for lunch after one of our planning meetings.”

“Seriously? She cheated on Butter and Rosemary and took you to a place in town? Wow, she really must like you.”

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