Page 37 of Love You Always

I can almost taste what I know would be berry-flavored kisses leading to my tongue roaming across every inch of her skin, each bit tasting more like honey than the one before it. My skin feels hot, prickling like I’m about to break a sweat, even though it’s ice cold in the tasting room.

“He’s not good enough for you. I know I barely know him, but I know that down to my bones. When I saw you together, I didn’t see anything remotely close to what I’d feel if I were your fiancé.” I can’t help the possessive growl that overtakes the last few words.

Her jaw goes slack, and her brow furrows. “What do you mean?”

I opened this Pandora’s box, and it comes with fear. I’m intensely aware of this moment and what I say next marking a line between where we are and what we could be. Except that maybe we can’t be anything. I just need to know.

“If you were mine, I’d feel…like I’d won. Like I’d never have to ask the universe for anything again.”

She swallows hard, but this time she doesn’t look down. The pink in her cheeks duels the piercing blue of her eyes.

“Archer, you have to understand that it’s complicated.” Her voice is quiet, but at least she’s still here. I half expected her to walk away or slug me.

“That’s what people say when it’s really uncomplicated and they just don’t want to accept it.” I take a step closer to her, hemming her in between my knees and leaning close because this is important. “Do you love him?”

Blinking, she seems to be considering what she wants to say. I wait, hoping my patience will pay off.

Finally, she bites her lip and utters the only word that makes a damn difference to me. “No.”

The breath enters my lungs in a jagged rush of vital need, asthough it’s the first time I’ve had enough oxygen in weeks. She holds up a hand.

“This stays between us.” She hesitates again then lets out a sharp exhale. “It’s not a real engagement. I mean it is, in that we’re getting married, but it’s for the sake of our careers…and other things. We both need damage control. Him for his record label and his tour, and I need to prove to an adoption court that I’m responsible and able to be a good parent. I know it’s not what you’d expect. I mean, most people marry for love. And there’s affection there, it’s just… Like I said, it’s complicated.”

Of all the explanations for how her love for Callum is complicated, a marriage of convenience for the sake of adoption was not on my radar. It makes me glad, on one hand, that she’s not wildly in love because somehow my befuddled brain thinks it gives me a chance with her. But then I allow what she’s just told me to sink in.Adoption court?

“You’re adopting a baby with him?”

She nods slowly. “I’ve always wanted to be a mom. I want it more than anything, but there were so many things written about me, so many things people believe about me being unstable. There was a whole thing with some of my exes saying I was unstable…”

“Assholes. You’ve been dating the wrong guys, darlin’.”

Her eyes soften. “Yes. Anyway, I’m in the process with a lawyer of trying to adopt, and the engagement to Callum quieted all the outside noise. Things are moving ahead, and I need Callum to play his part. I need to play mine.”

“Oh.” I wish I had a better, more eloquent response. I have so many questions, all mixed with confusion and relief that I was correct about what I saw. Even if it doesn’t change anything. “Okay, then. When did you decide you wanted to adopt?”

She looks down. “When I found out my chances of conceiving naturally are very low. I’ve had a lot of tests. It’s basically about the shape of my uterus, if that’s not TMI. And there are so manybabies who are given up. I could do something really good for one sweet, innocent little human. I want that.”

“No, it’s…” My mouth feels dry. “That’s great that you figured out a way to make it work. With Callum.” I can’t tell her that I wish it was me in Callum’s place. I can’t say anything about how my thoughts have been consumed with her when I can’t give what he’s offering.

“Not everybody marries for love. It’s not conventional, but nothing about my life is conventional. I do know what I want, though, and I’m not going to do anything to jeopardize it.”

“A baby,” I confirm. It’s something I can’t give her. I don’t want kids. Simple fact.

“Yeah. It’s what I want.” She clears her throat and points at me. “And how about you? Great love? Wife? Girlfriend?”

“Nope. Negative.”

“Come on, Grumpy Grape. You’re a catch. You could have any woman in nine counties. Why not?”

The compliment sends a river of heat down my spine, but as much as I want to pull her close and crush my mouth to hers, I know it would only make me a selfish asshole after what she’s just said, even if she does feel an attraction to me.

“Not for me. I’m the opposite of you. I don’t want kids, and I don’t have much need for a relationship. Work is all I need to fulfill my every need,” I deadpan.

“Yeah, I can see that.” She laughs. “All you need is work. Isn’t that what the Beatles said?”

“Exactly. So you get it.”

“Honestly, not really. Why are you so opposed to a family or kids?”

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