Page 47 of The Usual Family Mayhem

“Is it your Ivy League education he’s disappointed about? Maybe the way you excel at everything you do? Making partner by working your tail off?” By any measure Jackson was a stellar parental success story. “If you’re failing, the rest of us should just wrap it up and slink away in shame.”

“It’s not...” Jackson performed an uncharacteristic word fumble.

He looked like he was searching for the right way to say whatever he wanted to say. If the idea was to deliver a comment to make his father look like less of a self-important windbag, Jackson could relax. I knew who and what Harlan was.

“He thought I’d join his consulting firm after college. That we’d be in business together. Hit potential clients from two directions, and I would eventually take over what he’d built,” Jackson said. “But I went to law school instead, which he didn’t love because it wasn’t his idea, but he eventually agreed my choice made sense. He talked about how passing the bar would ‘up’ my profile.”

“It’s interesting how he expected you to sacrifice your life for his dream.”

“But I didn’t. My choice to land at a law firm that had nothing to do with him amounted to a significant betrayal in his mind.”

Jackson, ever the overachiever, had pushed through the trauma of his mom’s death while juggling college and the burden of his father’s expectations and boorish behavior. Jacksonexcelled as he buried himself in billable hours. Words like “failure” and “disappointment” never popped into my head in relation to him. The idea that Jackson viewed his life in those terms made me want to punch Harlan more than I usually wanted to punch him.

I set my fork down. Eating could wait. “You’ve done everything your dad could have, and never should have, dared to ask of you. It’s not your job to match your life to the way he wants it to be.”

“Agreed.”

But did he? Jackson sounded more resigned than won over to my view.

He must have seen my confusion because he continued. “I’m not arguing with you, but I do have a hard time ignoring Dad. He’s the only parent I have. He’s imperfect and flawed. He treats women as disposable. He believes he knows everything and that he can argue his way out of any disaster. All of that sucks, but he’s also my father.”

The longing. I could hear it in every word Jackson said. Heard but didn’t really understand it. “I don’t have a dad other than biologically, so you’re going to need to explain.”

“Do you want Mags to be proud of you?”

With every breath I took. “Of course, but—”

“That’s your answer. We both have these big personalities in our lives, and we want to please them.” Jackson shrugged. “In my case, I’d like to fix him, make him better, but I’ve learned that’s not possible. He can’t, at his core, change who he is, mostly because he doesn’t think there’s anything to change.”

I got stuck on the part of the argument where Jackson compared Gram and Harlan. The thought that they were alike inany way made me want to pick up a metaphorical sword and shield and rush into battle.

I loved Gram for many things. In that moment, I loved her for accepting me for the messed up, uneven, perpetually-searching-for-something person that I was.

“It’s asinine to sacrifice your whole life so Harlan can ruthlessly chase the power he craves.” Worried I’d gone a little overboard, I stepped back a bit. “Or whatever this is.”

Jackson smiled. “No matter what my dad says or does, no matter how much I want to please him and fulfill the promise I made to my mom, I’m not leaving my law practice. I won’t let Dad ruin the career I chose.”

Like he ruined Jackson’s mom. Neither of us said it but we didn’t have to. The truth sat there, spinning in the silence. Harlan destroyed most of the people who loved him. Savannah. The women who came both after and during his marriage to Savannah. Now, he was going after Jackson.

“I actually enjoy what I do for a living,” he said.

I was with him until right there. “If you say so.”

The tension that had wrapped around him the second he divulged Harlan’s political ambition crap eased. “Some of us liked law school.”

True, and I worried for those people. “Now you’re just making things up.”

Jackson didn’t fight a smile. His words no longer sounded forced. He wasn’t backing his father down or telling him to go to hell, but this still felt like progress.

“So, you’re playing along but have no intention of being governor?” He’d be North Carolina’s cutest governor, and I would vote for him if I still lived here, but I kept that to myself.

“Dad wanted to attend the money meeting to convince me to say yes. I didn’t want him there for exactly the same reason.”

That sounded clear. Final. I heard Jackson’s intentions even if Harlan didn’t. The reality that Harlan had lost this battle and didn’t know it yet made my night.

“You rescheduled the meeting, which was an awesome display of passive-aggressive behavior, by the way, to make a point. To maintain control.” Nicely done, lawyer boy. “Kudos.”

“Thank you.” He leaned forward and reached a hand across the table. “Look, I’m sorry my dad dragged you into this.”

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