Page 113 of The Usual Family Mayhem

Celia joined us and closed the greenhouse door behind her. She stood in front of it, blocking my entry. She blushed while she talked. “We had some trouble with poison ivy. We have to be careful while we clean it out.”

Their faces. The spewing of unimportant information. The hazmat outfits. Gram had that sweet, could-never-harm-a-fly vibe. She looked all cuddly in her long-sleeved outfit. Never mind that it was eighty degrees outside. Not exactly weather that required being covered from head to toe.

They were lying their cute little faces off. “Try again.”

Celia started to say something about dinner, but Gram cut her off. “Can we really avoid this? She’s always snooping.”

Somehow me finding them sneaking around was my fault. Interesting. “Now would be a good time to explain.”

Gram lowered her mask. “Foxglove.”

Okay... Still confused. “That means what?”

“It’s poisonous.” Celia rolled her eyes when Gram made a noise. “What? That’s why we’re doing this. Removing it so Kasey doesn’t live near it and stumble over it.”

Gram still grumbled. “She does have a habit of doing that sort of thing.”

They acted like their bickering answered all my questions. Not even close.

So many thoughts fought in my brain, begging for attention. I went with the scariest one. “How poisonous?”

“What kind of question is that?” Gram had a habit of falling back on grouchiness if she didn’t want to give a real answer. Like now.

Nice try, Gram. “The kind I’d love for you to answer.”

Celia sighed but started talking. “Foxglove is dangerous to touch. It can cause skin irritation.”

Not fun but not scary... yet. The adrenaline coursing through me signaled trouble ahead.

“Headaches, vomiting, heart rate issues,” Gram said. “And death.”

And there it was.

Oh my God. “Ladies.”

“We told you we never used arsenic and that wasn’t a lie.” Gram smiled. “Never had to. We had foxglove... and other things.”

Celia peeled off her protective gloves. “This is nothing for you to worry about. We’re clearing it out now because Abigail called to say she’s leaving town tomorrow as planned and, well, we thought it would be a good thing for all of us to get a fresh start without foxglove nearby.”

There was no way they’d kept these flowers out here for years and, what, picked a flower every time they needed to kill some bad dude. Right? I looked at the greenhouse door. For the first time I noticed the lock matched the one on the shed.

“You’ve had a greenhouse full of deadly foxglove tucked away in the backyard just in case.” Not a sentence I expected to say today.

Gram nodded at Celia. “I told you she’d understand.”

Oh, no. “I didn’t say that.”

“The important thing is that we’re removing all of it. You won’t need to worry about touching the foxglove by accident.”

Yeah, Gram. That was my issue with the poisonous flowers.

“Have you used this foxglove stuff recently?” What was I saying? Of course they did. “Forget I asked.”

“We should have waited to start this chore. We’ll take care of the rest of the plants after we eat.” Celia acted like it made sense to stop playing with poison so they could go work on dinner.

What did I even say to that?

“No more foxglove. We promise.” Celia put up her hand as if she was making a pledge.

“Okay. Good.” Not poisoning men seemed like a smart plan.

“We can always plant something else if we need it.” Gram dropped that then started toward the house.

“Gram.”

“If men behave they have nothing to worry about.” She gestured for me to follow her. “Come on. You know I like to eat at six.”

I watched Gram and Celia walk away from this perfectlynormal conversation. Heard them arguing about the superiority of green beans over broccoli as a side dish. Smelled the lemony punch of magnolias in the yard. Thought about having a predinner doughnut.

Poison or not, it was good to be home.

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