Page 30 of The Negotiator

She laughed but she there was no amusement in the sound or inside her. “Some people think my past explains why I am the way I am.”

“Loving? Smart? Driven? Sexy as hell?”

“Aloof.”

He shook his head. “I’ve told you before. That one doesn’t fit.”

“She battled depression and these incredible cycles where she moved and talked at hyperspeed. It was nonstop. No sleep. No eating. Just racing around and solving these puzzles that only seemed to exist in her head.” More than a decade later the memories clicked into place. She didn’t have to dig to find them. No, she’d spent years trying to smooth out the edges and file them away. “She hated the meds because they made everything dull and colorless.”

“That’s a lot to handle as a kid.”

“That was easy compared to the times when nothing mattered and she wanted out.” Lauren gulped in air but it did nothing to ease the lump in her throat. “She tried and failed, then one day she succeeded.”

“She killed herself.” Garrett cradled her hand in both of his now.

“Ran her car into a tree.” Lauren rested her head against the wall and fought off a punch of grief. This one was new, fresh. A reminder that her job had always been to take care of other people. The only thing she learned was not to let her emotions engage, not get close enough to get sucked under again. “She was on the phone with me at the time.”

He didn’t say anything but he did move. His arm came around her, tucking her in close to his side. His thumb rubbed her shoulder and his lips brushed her hair. He enveloped her in a comforting hold that made her feel cherished and safe.

She’d tried to explain her upbringing to other people. Told them parts of the story and watched the pity overtake them. Heard every comment about her mother “being in a better place now” and how everyone had someone like that in their family. They all meant well, but the words and those lame phrases only caused her to shut down faster.

Garrett didn’t try to make her feel better in the usual ways. The hug was so much more effective, so she closed her eyes and fell into him. For just a few minutes let her mind clear. Pushed out the list of things she needed to do and handle and worry about, and let the sound of his steady breathing guide her.

“The killings.” For almost a minute that’s all he said. “Before I worked for Wren I worked for the government. My official career was with the National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency.”

She froze. She debated saying anything because she was desperate to hear him talk, to know more about what had shaped and created Garrett McGrath. “I don’t even know what that is.”

“It’s about monitoring and assessing data and images and where people and military equipment are located and how they’re shifting.”

“Just say spy stuff.”

He laughed. “That’s a line losers give in bars to get sex.”

“I can’t imagine it works.”

“Who knows? I’ve never tried it.” He settled deeper into the pillows as his body relaxed. “The point is I did do that work, but that’s not really who I worked for.”

She separated from him and sat up, letting the sheet dip in front of her but not caring. “Oh, my God. So, I was right. Actual spy stuff.”

“I did black ops work, which I can’t talk about and don’t want to, but that’s where I saw death. That and a mix of bad decisions, questionable management and unnecessary loss of innocents.” He exhaled. “And you are the only one outside of a small group of friends—small as in five—that know that.”

“I trust you, too.” The words popped out but she meant them.

He cupped her cheek. “I lost my parents when I was a little older than you were. Just a kid, really. Every choice I made after that, including seeking out a career that I believed allowed me to know the unknowable, both at the agency and now, stems from the car accident that took them.”

A chill ran through her. Their lives, so different on the surface, mirrored each other in some ways. Early deaths defined them and their decisions. Losing people they loved shoved them onto a path that made them responsible for others.

She understood him.

“If we were dating I’d say we just learned something important about each other.” She tried to make a joke but the tone didn’t come off right.

Tipping her mouth up, he kissed her. Slow and sweet until the end when he treated her to that sexy tongue. He lifted his head again. “I agree—we definitely learned one important thing over the last few days.”

Those eyes, that rough voice—she was mesmerized, hanging on his words. “What?”

“We are dating.”

---