Page 65 of A Dance of Shadows

It’s hard to blame Neven if he’s chasing whatever escape he can find. I think we’ve all been grappling with the strain of having to support our empress in only the random bits and pieces we can assemble while we’re on the road. Having to keep our mouths shut and our attitudes obliging even when we’re in the kingdoms that are supposedly our real homes.

Bastien looked perpetually tense the entire time we were in Delphine, his shoulders never really coming down until we left Cotea’s capital behind. And Raul’s been acting all nonchalant, but I can’t help noticing he’s found something to punch—hard enough that he’s needed to bandage his knuckles again.

Somehow it was easier when Marclinus was attacking us directly—testing our emotional control, branding and battering our bodies. Watching him torment our families and the people we’re meant to protect is a higher level of horror.

Gods only know what he’ll inflict on Lavira after the recent uprising there.

I don’t think Raul wants to think about that. He sets his jaw. “We’ve got to be watching for every opportunity we can get to pave her way. He said he wanted to be a part of this. I’m sure he could pitch in more than he has so far.”

Bastien shoots the prince of Lavira a baleful glance. “I don’t think badgering him is going to accomplish much. But maybe…” His gaze slides to me. “You should talk to him, Lore. He won’t worry that you’re judging him. I think he’ll take an appeal driven by empathy better than one full of practicalities or bluster.”

Raul narrows his eyes in mock offense. “I can do a lot better than bluster.” He offers me a crooked grin. “But Bas has a point.If the kid’s being his typical stubborn self, you’re the most likely to get through to him.”

Apparently I’ve been appointed official foster-prince counsellor. My answering smile is equally slanted, but it warms me a little to have the chance to contribute in a way that feels more solid than an occasional illusion.

I answer with my hand.I’ll give it a shot.

It’s Marclinus who inadvertently manufactures the opportunity for me. He calls over the three musicians who’ve been traveling with us to discuss something about today’s entertainments, and Neven hangs back looking uncertain about his place. I amble over and beckon him to join me farther off by the line of carriages, putting more distance between us and the emperor’s guards.

Neven balks, but when I signPlease, he sighs and trudges with me as if I’ve called him to his execution. Was I this dramatic when I was a teenager?

Great God help me, I might have been worse. At least Neven has the same sense I did to hide his frustrations from Marclinus… for the most part.

When we come to a stop, I make a hasty gesture by my side.Are you all right?

Neven shrugs with a nonchalance that looks even more forced than Raul’s. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

You’ve been away from us a lot.

“Is that a problem? I’m allowed to have other friends and… whatever, aren’t I? Or did Bastien send you over because he thinks I’m in over my head or something stupid like that?”

The automatic defensiveness in his words sets warning bells off in my mind, but I keep my expression as mild as I can. I do the same with my voice when I switch to communicating through my gift.

“I wanted to talk to you because I care. We’ve been through a lot together, especially recently. You’ve seemed like you’re pulling away. It’s absolutely fine if you need to take a step back from what we were planning. It’s a lot to have weighing on you. But you can still talk to us about anything that’s bothering you.”

Neven’s shoulders hunch. I expect him to make a harsh retort about how we can’t do anything anyway, the kind of thing he was saying when we shut him out before, but instead he just shakes his head. His voice goes even quieter. “Nothing’s bothering me. I just wanted to take the chance to have a little fun. Why shouldn’t I?”

Even as he says the words, a muscle in his cheek ticks. I don’t think he’s as comfortable with the statement as he’s making out.

Calling him a liar obviously isn’t going to gain me any trust.“It’s good that you’re having fun. If you do want to pitch in with other sorts of things… we’re still working on it, and we’re happy to have your help. Either way, it’s your choice.”

He lets out a little snort in tandem with a guilty grimace that contradicts the derision of the sound. “Sure. It’s all up to me. That’s why everyone keeps pulling me in different directions rather than just leaving me be.”

Before I can answer, he pushes away from me and stalks back toward his musician companions. My stomach knots.

Who is this “everyone” he wants to leave him be? The other princes and Ihavebeen giving him the space he’s seemed to need over the past several weeks.

He doesn’t seem to be talking about the musicians, or he wouldn’t be so eager to get back to them. Did they say something to him that soured him to the plans we came up with before?

Has Marclinus pushed him around without us knowing?

Neven clearly didn’t want to open up to me about it, despite my best efforts. Maybe I shouldn’t have pressed him for answers at all. I might have made him feel worse.

All the things my mother has said to me over the years, compounded by her most recent remarks just weeks ago, come back to me with a jab through my chest. I didn’t know how to direct our younger foster brother, to guide him, like the ruler of an entire country would.

I’m too sentimental, getting caught up in my worries for him without being able to see past them.

In my frustration, my hands ball into fists. But what would I even hit if I let myself? All I can see are the ways lashing out would hurt our cause more.

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