Page 64 of A Dance of Shadows

After the sickness I’ve induced, I don’t need to fake the quaver in my voice. “Gods above, I’m so sorry. The baby—my stomach never feels quite right these days—Sometimes it comes over me so quickly?—”

“Yes, yes, but you could fucking well aim it away from me.” Linus flails with a few frantic gestures but determines he can’t magic the vomit off him by sheer force of will. “Of all the ways to ruin the mood.Fuck.” He glowers at me for a moment before stalking back to the door.

His voice carries back to us as he strides off down the hall, shouting to whatever staff must be nearest. “Get the servants running a bath in my apartment. And a change of clothes laid out. Fast!”

With the thud of the door finalizing his departure, I sag down on the side of the bed. I accomplished what I needed to, but my stomach is still roiling after all that working up to the act.

Bianca touches my shoulder tentatively. “Let’s ensure you’re well, and then we’ll call the cleaning staff to take care of the mess in here.”

I swipe at my mouth. “It’s all right. I can?—”

“No,” she says before I can go on. “Come along. An empress shouldn’t have to tend to herself while she’s ill.”

She leads me over to the bathroom and pours me a glass of water while I wash my face. Her gaze flicks toward my trunks. “Do you have any cures I can get out for you that will help with the nausea?”

I swish the water in my mouth, clearing the lingering prickle of stomach acid. “I don’t think I need that right now. There’s usually something of a calm after a storm, so to speak.” And now that the storm’s had a chance to settle, the lingering nausea has faded.

But my companion’s concern hasn’t.

I glance over at her. “Thank you. I didn’t mean to entangle you in so much unpleasantness.”

Bianca catches my eyes with a firm expression that suggests she knows I mean more than the vomiting. “I’ve had far more trouble from him plenty of times than I did from you tonight. Surely the empress should be allowed a few awkward moments when she’s in such a delicate condition without needing to apologize?”

The corner of my lips ticks upward. “Thank you all the same.”

“That’s why you need friends. Proper ones, not all the toadies grasping for favors. Now sit there and rest while I get a maid.”

As she bustles out of the room, a lump rises in my throat.

Somehow, we really have become friends, haven’t we? But I can’t imagine how I’ll ever be able to trust her with even a portion of who I really am.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Lorenzo

It feels as if so much of my life has narrowed down to surreptitiously watching Aurelia from the edge of my sight, from across a crowd. Pretending I’m not waiting for any motion that could be a message or a plea for help.

Right now, three days out of Cotea on our way to the capital of Lavira, she’s sitting at a hastily draped table outside the small waystation that’s prepared our lunch. Marclinus has claimed the spot next to her. From time to time, he trails the backs of his fingers down her arm in a caress I have to admit is gentler than most of his past groping.

Because only one half of the pair who now rule as our emperor takes the groping approach. This must be the slightly more considerate twin.

It’s still hard for me to accept that the boy I grew up with who appeared to take such enjoyment out of heckling me was actually two people. Hard to know whether that should make me more angry or less.

Our empress hasn’t glanced at the table I’ve taken with Bastien and Raul, keeping her own sense of caution. But when I let my gaze flick over to her, she’s looking toward our younger foster brother with a brief frown.

Her concerned expression vanishes the moment she turns back to her husband, but I study Neven in turn. I rode with the prince of Goric for half the day yesterday, and he barely spoke to me.

Now he looks talkative enough, laughing at something his musician companions said and blushing when he replies. There’s a sly gleam in his eyes, and his smile is wide enough, but something about his stance looks guarded to me. As if he’s braced for an unexpected threat.

I communicate my observations to my other foster brothers with a few subtle movements of my hands.The kid looks happy and worried.

Raul lets out a huff, peering over my shoulder toward Neven. He speaks in a low mutter. “What’s he got to be worried about? All he’s done since we left Vivencia is revel with his new friends and lover. You’d think he doesn’t care about the rest anymore.”

Bastien’s mouth tightens. He wasn’t happy about Neven’s interest in the imperial harpist even before it became fully requited. But really, I think we’d all dallied with someone at court at least a little by the time we were seventeen. Raul certainly didn’t wait long to establish his reputation in the bedroom as soon as at least a few of the noblewomen judged him close enough to manhood.

“The way he’s behaving now doesn’t fit with how he talked a few months ago,” Bastien says. “He’s pulling away from us again.” He pauses and then admits, “I don’t think it’s about getting caught up in a crush. Calvus doesn’t seem to be pushing for his attention, just accepting what Neven’s offering. Why is he focusing so much on a casual affair right now?”

I switch to my illusionary voice since I’m not sure how to express my full meaning in signs.“Maybe he feels like there isn’t anything else he can do that would be helpful? His gift isn’t very useful for subtleties.”

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