Page 152 of A Dance of Shadows

Between the moments when the pain blares so loudly I can barely think, I catch snippets of conversation.

“Is she well?”

“The birth is progressing normally.”

“I heard she summoned you hours ago.”

“It shouldn’t be too long now.”

That’s a fucking relief. But does Linus even want this baby to be born?

Does he think he’s going to destroy my daughter too? Every particle of my body revolts against that possibility.

I clench my jaw and my fingers around the medic’s hand through another searing ache. Linus wavers in and out of view among my attendants.

“Let me know when the baby’s arrived. I have other matters to see to.”

“Of course, Your Imperial Majesty.”

Then he’s gone, thank all that’s holy.

For the last short time, I crouch on the birthing stool the medics brought with them. I pant and push and soak in whatever bits of magical comfort they can offer.

With a stabbing burn that seems to split me right down the middle, the life inside me finally slides out to meet the world.

The flurry of motion around me continues—cleaning the afterbirth, mending a tear, stopping the flow of blood. One medic’s gift spreads a deeper numbness through my deflated belly.

A baby’s thin cry splits the air.

Even though my head is foggy, I turn toward the sound automatically. Another medic is cradling a small, pale form in her arms.

“Where’s the wet nurse?” she calls out.

“No!” I say in what’s closer to a croak than a voice. I reach toward her. “I’ll take her tonight. Let me have her.”

The medic doesn’t argue. She nestles my daughter in my arms and helps me adjust the loose blouse they changed me into so I can offer her my breast.

Her features are so tiny, her face all scrunched up as if she isn’t ready to accept this new place she’s found herself in just yet. But her little hands grope and her mouth roots across my chest as I guide her into place.

My breast tingles with the flow of milk. I graze my fingers over the velvety down of dark brown hair that covers her head.

The medic smiles. “There. That’s a good latch right from the start. She knows what she’s meant to do.”

I’m not sureIknow what I’m doing. Tucking this delicate body against mine and stroking her soft, warm skin feels totally natural. What in the realms happens after this, though?

I brought this life into being. I have to nurture her, protect her.

I don’t even know how well I can protect myself.

My baby’s mouth releases, and her head drifts to the side as she dozes. I wouldn’t mind a doze myself after all the furor.

The medics guide me over to my bed. They arrange the covers so my daughter won’t drown in them, and I lie on my side with my arm tucked around her.

“If you need anything else,” one starts.

I shake my head, heavy with exhaustion. “I only need to sleep. We’ll be fine. I’d like a little time just the two of us.”

A little time with no one watching over my shoulder, making me feel more like a spectacle than a mother.

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