Page 114 of A Pact of Blood

His low voice suggests he’d rather no one overhears his remarks either. “I wanted to ask you something about your gift.”

Interesting. I nod for him to go on. “Of course. What did you want to know?”

“Well, I…” He pauses again with an awkward dip of his head. “Do you think it’s possible to brew a ‘cure’ for being attracted to someone?”

I can’t stop my eyebrows from jumping up before I give the question due thought. If my fertility potion could stir up increased desire, presumably there are other combinations of ingredients that could suppress lustful sensations. “I’d imagine so. Are you looking for that sort of cure? Has something gone sour with your musician?”

I keep the question light and gentle, not sure how much Neven will want to open up to me. I offered myself in a big sister sort of position when we first made our peace, but a lot has happened since then. We’ve talked very little just the two of us.

He knows I was aware of his interest in one of the court musicians, enough that he only looks a little abashed and not startled by the suggestion. “Not exactly. He actually suggested maybe we could spend some time together when the court returns to Vivencia. I just—I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it—I’ve beendreamingabout it?—”

He stops abruptly with a flush darkening his tan cheeks. “There’s so much else going on, so much that’s more important. It feels wrong to be distracted by trysts that aren’t even happening right now instead of… anything that would be more useful.”

An edge of frustration has crept through his words. What’s prompted this new attitude?

Neven has been spending a lot of time around the military advisor lately.

I take an even more cautious tone. “Is that something the high commander has suggested to you—that you need to be focused on more serious matters?”

“No. No. I thought maybe I’d get a better idea of what I need from him, but I’m still not sure…”

The young prince trails off, looking lost. A pang shoots through my heart.

I don’t have any conception of what it’s like to be in hisposition: torn away from my family for a decade, forced to live under the authority of a brutal tyrant, aware that my brother died in the same position before I arrived. Gods only know what turmoil he has to work through.

I turn to face him more fully. “I realize we haven’t known each other for very long, but I hope you’ll believe that I’d like to see you happy and thriving here at court, as much as that’s possible. If anything’s bothering you, you can tell me as much as you’re comfortable talking about.I’llhelp, however I can.”

Neven’s jaw works, his bright brown eyes going stormy. Finally, he says, “You won’t mention it to my foster brothers? Any of them?”

I don’t want to lie to him. “If I think I need to so I can stop something awful from happening, I can’t keep that promise. But if it’s nothing that dire, your secret is safe with me.”

He heaves a breath. “Do you ever get visions from your godlen—from Elox?”

Several memories flit through my mind. “Yes, occasionally. Sometimes when I ask for guidance, and more rarely when it seems he believes I need it regardless of whether I’ve solicited him.”

“Then maybe… I’ve been having other dreams too. I think they’re from Sabrelle.” Neven presses his hand to the middle of his chest over his godlen brand. “It feels like she’s impatient with me. She’s urging me to take action, or at least to be prepared to, but I can’t tell what I’m supposed to actually be actingon. It’s all muddled. I just know she doesn’t think I’ve been doing enough.”

Oh, the poor kid. Sometimes the divine missives I receive can be a little unnerving, even though they’re messages of peace and healing more than anything else. I can’t imaginewhat it’s like having the godlen of war and conquest spurring you onward.

Her message has been forceful enough to make a prince think he needs to medicate away his teenage desires to serve her properly.

I consider all the visions and dreams Elox has offered me—so often welcome, but not always—and the teachings of the clerics I grew up with. “You know, the gods have an awful lot of us to watch over. They can’t often pay all that much attention to any one person. And they all have different domains that they prioritize. They aren’t alwaysrightabout what’s best for us, and what they’d believe is best isn’t always what we’d agree with.”

Neven frowns. “But I dedicated myself to her. She gave me a gift.”

I give his shoulder a light pat. “That simply means you generally embrace her principles. It’s not a promise to obey every directive. The godscan’tmeddle with our lives directly—they can only suggest. The All-Giver created us to have free will. It’s by divine right that we get to make our own choices in the end. All they can reasonably expect of us is that we take their guidance into account.”

The prince considers my words, his pensive expression remaining in place. “I don’t know what choices would be right for me. Everything feels so chaotic right now.”

“I know. But I don’t know what you could be doing right now to change that anyway, so I think you have some time to figure out where you stand.” I offer a reassuring smile. “And if you decide that youreallywant that potion, I’ll see what I can do about concocting it for you.”

“All right. Thank you.” He aims a flash of a smile at me in return that brightens my spirits a bit and heads over to the waystation building, where most of the nobles are entering beneath Jurnus’s etched sigil in anticipation of our dinner.

I’m about to follow Neven when Raul steps into view, his face tight. His gaze flicks to the carriage and back to me. “My foster brother has seemed a little… out of sorts. Has he been bothering you, Your Imperial Highness?”

He obviously means for anyone overhearing to take his phrasing to mean Neven, but the twitch of his fingers at his side indicatesMarclinus. He’s taking the opportunity to check if I’m all right after my husband’s shift in behavior.

I’m not sure what the prince of Lavira could do about it if I admitted how much Marclinushasbeen bothering me, but his concern warms me all the same. There’s a small pleasure in being able to talk to him at all outside of secret meetings, if only for a moment.

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