Page 28 of A Pact of Blood

Lorenzo draws back a few inches, his fingers brushing over my cheek and his head dipping toward mine. My breath catches with the longing to experience the press of his mouth once more, but a quiver of ice races through my veins at the same time.

I’ve already indulged in more pleasure than I was owed. I have to think about the security of the men I care about as well as my own.

I set my hand on his chest with a gentle nudge, just enough force to halt him. Lorenzo peers down at me with a question in his eyes that he doesn’t need to put into words.

My voice comes out in a whisper. “I want to, but I have to see things through with Marclinus. It’s going to take everything I have if I’m going to win him over enough to make a difference. I can’t afford to lose focus. And… and I don’t want to put you in any danger.”

I already lost my head once with Raul. I swore I’d fortify my self-control.

Lorenzo knits his brow.“I don’t want to putyouat any more risk than you already are. You don’t have to worry about me. Whatever you need from me, I’ll be happy to give it.Happy that I’m finally accomplishing something that might matter.”

“I know. It’s only—with that?—”

I stumble over my words, the ache in my chest squeezing tighter.

But maybe Lorenzo should know this. He’s shared his heart the most freely with me from the start.

Knowing my history might make it easier for him to keep his distance when it’ll keep him safe.

I can’t quite bring myself to pull right out of his embrace. My head droops, my cheek grazing his jaw.

“I thought once that I could have love and everything that comes with it. When I was sixteen, there was a man just a little older than me who joined the palace guard back home. He was often posted outside when I’d go for walks in the grounds, and we spoke a little, and then when he was off duty, he’d join me… I’d meet him secretly at night. After we’d been seeing each other for over a year, we started talking about running away together.”

Lorenzo strokes his fingers up and down my back in a soothing caress. He asks his question with a gentle twist of his other hand within my view:What happened?

“We got to the point of making detailed plans. I convinced myself that leaving wouldn’t be betraying my kingdom—that I’d find other ways of helping Accasy without needing to act as a princess…”

I wince at my past delusion. “He took a trip home to visit his family outside the capital. There was some kind of altercation with Darium soldiers who were passing through—he stepped in when they were harassing a couple of locals—it ended in a fight. One of them stabbed him right through the heart.”

Lorenzo hisses a breath through his teeth and pulls me back into an emphatic hug.

It’s been long enough, the pain dulled enough, that only a faint prickle touches my eyes with the memories. I just needthisman to understand. “That’s what happened the last time I got selfish and put my desires over the duty that comes with all the privileges I was born into. That’s what happened to the man I built those fantasies around. I can’t let it happen again.”

“It wasn’t because of you or any plans you made. Those fucking soldiers?—”

“It was their fault too,” I agree. “Theirs and Emperor Tarquin’s for letting them run wild up north. But I knew what was right, and I ignored it. If I hadn’t been dallying with him, he might have gone home at a different time or felt less bold—or perhaps even one of the godlen took offense and somehow nudged events to turn out that way.”

Lorenzo lets out a dismissive grunt.“You’re never responsible for anything that happens to me, Rell. I make my own decisions. I’d rather be punished for taking a stand with you than stay safe at a cowardly distance.”

“I don’t know what stand there is to take. I had no idea what Marclinus would be like when I came here—I had nothing specific planned beyond getting to this point. He’s so… set in his ways. Everyone in court is equally self-serving. The rest of the country doesn’t know what to make of me. I’m still figuring out howIcan get anything important done.”

A little of my worry must bleed into my tone. Lorenzo draws back to gaze into my eyes, his own steady and determined.“I’ve known Marclinus since he was twelve. He was already much the way he is now. Sometimes he’d ignore me; sometimes he’d prod at me until I couldn’t bear it and ran away. But he did seem to care what Tarquin thought. If he could listen to one important person in his life, he could listen to another.

A little hope blooms inside me at his words. “It might take a long time, if I ever get there.”

“You’ve already done so much so quickly. When you’re ready to make another move, we’ll be here. Me and Raul—and Bastien will come around eventually. He’s just stubborn.”

A wry smile tugs at my lips. I suppose all four of us struggle with that particular fault. “I’m sorry,” I say again.

“Don’t apologize. You need what you need. I can figure out how to take joy in your presence even if it has to be from afar.”

Beyond the palace, ten peals of the city bells ring out. Lorenzo cocks his head, an avid glint coming into his eyes.“It isn’t very much compared to your heroics, but do you want to see how I’ve made the court pay in the small ways I can?”

Curiosity tugs at my gut. “Absolutely. But we can’t walk out the door when?—”

“We don’t need to. I work from the hidden passages.”

The prince ushers me across my bedroom and opens the secret panel that he must have entered through. When I step into the passage after him, the narrow space closes around us. The dim enchanted glow washes over us like twilight.

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