Page 80 of Life of the Party

I stood up then and took the pink tutu off, careful not to jab myself with the remaining pins. Once I’d dressed and put myself back together, I stepped out of the change room to face my mother again. Calmer, more in control of myself.

Marcy still hadn’t returned.

“Here.” I handed the dressmaker my gown. “I’m sorry.” I hoped I hadn’t wrecked anything with my little fit.

She nodded and took the fabric from me. “It’s okay. I’ll make do.”

Mom dropped her keys into my outstretched hands, and I turned to leave without a word. If I had my way, I’d never talk to her again.

Grabbing my purse on the way out, I went to spend the rest of the day in exile.

CHAPTER 32

The day from hell was finally over. Mom dropped me off late that evening after the quietest ride home in the history of the world, the tension in the car almost tangible. The lights were on inside my house as we pulled up at the curb; loud music pumping out, noisy laughter filtering through the windows to meet us on the street. I was cheered by just the sight. Mom peered up at the apartment, a worried look on her face as I opened the door, totally prepared to leave her without even saying goodbye.

“Mackenzie,” she stopped me before I could. I didn’t answer, but sighed, turning to show she had my attention. I’d been waiting for her to apologize all night.

“Mackenzie,” she started again, “I need to tell you something.”

I nodded for her to continue.

“I talked to Marcy about it, and she still wants you to be her bridesmaid, but you have to promise to be sober. If you honestly can’t do that…she’ll find someone else.”

My response was a blank stare. “Are you kidding me?”

Mom shook her head.

I could feel the anger building again. I let it escape in a hiss through my teeth. “You guys are unbelievable. When did I become this…this raging alcoholic to you? I party a little, yes. I’m not a friggin’ idiot.”

“Marcy just doesn’t want her wedding ruined—”

“Heaven for-fucking-fend precious Marcy ever be disappointed.” I got up out of the car. I felt so…betrayed by them, I couldn’t help but swear. I could feel my hands trembling. “You really think I’m capable of ruining her wedding? Thanks, Mom. Thanks for thinking so highly of me.”

I think she was shocked by my reaction. Her face looked crushed.

“Mackenzie—” She started.

“Whatever.” I slammed the door before she could continue. I couldn’t stand to hear another word. Frantically, I searched through my purse for my cigarettes, but my hands were shaking so badly it proved impossible. Frustrated, I dumped the bag upside down into the withered grass clumped in our front yard.

The headlights from Mom’s car fell on the pack as she backed up and drove away. I picked them up and lit a smoke, watching her taillights bump down the road.

I couldn’t believe her. I couldn’t believe them.

I toyed with the idea of backing out of the bridesmaid thing altogether, but somehow I knew I couldn’t do it. I knew that sometime, maybe years from now, I’d regret missing out on my only sister’s wedding. At the moment though, I was mad enough that even the thought of standing Marcy up made me feel better.

I clawed through the grass until I found my cocaine, and sitting in the shadows of my front yard, I brought the scoop to my nose, time and time again. In the cocaine-haze, Mom and Marcy didn’t exist, the wedding didn’t exist, and being second didn’t exist. It was like a fog of bliss, enveloping me, cutting me off from the rest.

I lit a smoke off my first one and gave in to the Superman-like qualities of the drugs.

With them, I could do anything, I could get through anything, survive anything. They were my hero, my refuge. My saviour. I don’t know what I would’ve done without them.

The urge to cry had been strong, so strong my throat ached with the effort…but the cocaine swept it away, replacing my sadness with the numbing, happy trembles I craved. I let out a shaky sigh of relief and pure pleasure.

Good again.

After gathering my things from the grass, I headed slowly up the creaky old stairs. I knew seeing my friends would make me feel even better, knew their exuberance would be contagious. Alex, Grey, Charlie and Zack were gathered around the table playing a loud, rowdy game of quarters when I opened the door.

“Hey, baby!” Charlie greeted me. “How was your day?”

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