Page 167 of Life of the Party

“Save it, Mac. I’m gone.” She declared, brushing by me out the door.

CHAPTER 67

I spent the last five days of rehab trying to remember.

Ever since Allison hummed that “Jumpin’” song and jogged my memory, I’d thought of little else. I could remember bits and pieces—the memory hazy, dim, coming in fits and spurts. Like a skipping CD, my mind went over it and over it.

There had to be something significant about the memory. I just couldn’t think what.

Back then, Riley’s ‘business’ was booming. He’d bought a new car stereo with his profits and picked me up to show it off. I’d laughed at the incongruity—the fancy, shiny faceplate in his metal-pegged, beaten up dashboard.

The salesman had thrown in a new CD for Riley to “really test out the sound.”

It was the Destiny’s Child album,The Writing on the Wall—not our usual jam, but Riley put the CD in for fun, and we’d cruised around to celebrate, killing time before the party that night, smoking weed and cigarettes and passing a mickey of vodka back and forth as we listened.

It wasn’t long before we were totally wasted, laughing uproariously, playing “Say My Name” and “Jumpin’, Jumpin’” on repeat until we’d memorized the words and could perform the songs, complete with actions.

“Bounce baby, bounce bo-bounce bo-bounce,” I’d sing, the song blaring.

“Shake baby, shake sha-shake sha-shake,” his turn.

“Twist baby, twist tw-twist, you better dip that thing, that thing…”

I’d been faint with laughter, holding my stomach at gangly Riley twerking in his seat.

I smiled at the memory, remembering how good we were together back then, how much fun we’d had when things were simple and carefree.

Later on that night, we picked up some of our friends and crashed a house party,rowdy and wild, dancing our way through the house, smoking joint after joint and pounding back cheap beer and more vodka.

That’s where my memories started falling apart. I could remember the guy I’d met outside—he was wearing a ratty old top hat and smoking a cigarette. Riley was nowhere to be found (which usually meant he was attending to ‘business’) and I was out there, smoking, looking for him, when that Top Hat guy offered me the pills.

“Quaaludes.” He’d grinned. “So hard to find. It’s your lucky night.”

“What do they do?” I’d asked, taking one from his hand, debating.

“They’ll make you as free as a bird.” He’d promised.

I’d smiled and downed the pill with my beer as Top Hat watched me, grinning.

Riley was pissed. He’d seen the whole exchange, and wasn’t happy with me. “What the fuck, Mac. I can’t leave you alone for a second. Taking pills from random dudes? Use your fucking head.”

“He’s got a top hat on, like a real English gent. A Gov’na!” I’d giggled, lacing my fingers through Riley’s, letting him pull me away. Top Hat wasn’t grinning anymore.

That was it. All I could remember. Everything faded into a blur of noise, and then nothing. Just blackness.

There had to be more. Something my mind was begging me to remember, but no matter how much I thought back, no matter how much I concentrated, the night had been erased from my memory by the Quaalude I’d taken.

I wanted to ask Riley about it, but he was busy getting his life back in order, booking flights, lining up a job out east, enrolling in night courses to make up for all the time he’d lost at school—all the time he’d lost helping me.

Riley was leaving me again.

The thought was daunting. When Riley left the first time, the pain was devastating. Now, there’d be no Grey to cushion the blow of his absence. There’d be no drugs for me to use to hide from the hurt. I’d have to live with it, I’d have to deal with it. Healthily, this time.

I was determined to do it though. To put on a brave face and let him go. After everything he’d done for me, didn’t I owe Riley that much? I may not have Grey to soothe me and I wouldn’t have the drugs to ease the hurt…but I had my faith now. Faith that I was taken care of, that somehow, someway, He’d help me through it.

My friend, my best friend, deserved all the happiness in the world.

Even if that happiness came in Emily form.

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