Page 162 of Life of the Party

Riley smiled at me. He pushed the Bible across the table. “Just, try reading it, okay?”

I put my hand on the soft leather cover and looked up at Riley, unsure. I didn’t know if God was real or not, but if he was, he probably wanted nothing to do with me. Not the way I was. Not after all my mistakes, all the horrible things I’d done.

“You’re going to be okay, Mackenzie.” Riley placed his warm hand on top of mine. “I really believe that, you know.”

I stared down at our hands for a moment. He stroked mine delicately with his thumb, his dark eyes gazing down at me with such tenderness, such affection, it made my throat ache.

I swallowed, hard. “What’s Emily think of you being here?”

“Oh, she understands,” Riley answered quickly. Almost guiltily, he broke away, standing up to refill his coffee. “She hopes you get better.”

“She does? Where is she, at your mom’s?”

“No, she’s back at school. The semester started last week.”

“It started already?” I blinked in surprise. “What are you doing here then?”

Riley scoffed. “What, you think I’d just leave you here and go back to school like nothing ever happened? Give me a little credit.”

“You’re missing school?” I frowned. For some reason, this upset me. “Don’t wreck your life for me Riley, I’m not worth it.”

“I’m not wrecking my life. Man, you’re dramatic.” He chuckled. “I can just pick up where I left off next semester. No big deal.”

“But you really like it, I can tell—”

“Mac, just stop.” Riley shook his head at me, sitting back down at the table. “All that matters is that you get better. I’m not going anywhere, okay? So just drop it.”

I met his gaze, staring into his deep, dark, fathomless eyes, nodding hesitantly, trying to hide the intensity of my relief. I wanted to thank him for everything, for putting up with me, for trying to help me, for choosing to stay…but the words wouldn’t reach my lips. The air felt tense, heavy. Charged.

“I guess I should be going.” Riley broke the spell, ripping his eyes from mine.

I hadn’t realized I was holding my breath. I exhaled, clearing my throat. “Well, I think we were fairly successful today.”

“Oh yeah?” He chuckled. “Are you cured?”

“Uh, not yet…” For an instant, the picture of a needle flashed in my mind, and with it, the intense craving for heroin knotted my stomach with need. I breathed through it, trying to shake the image from my head. “I mean, this visit didn’t end in a fight. That’s a pretty big deal, don’t you think? For us?”

Riley’s lips curled in amusement. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

“So you’ll come back tomorrow, right?”

“I’ll be here every day.” He promised.

CHAPTER 65

The days and weeks passed. I had bad days and good days—mostly bad, with a few good sprinkled in. On the good days, I’d wake up after a fitful, tenuous sleep, and I’d feel some actual hope. Some strength. Like I could do it, like I was going to make it.

And then came the bad days.

Those days I didn’t even want to get out of bed. Those days my heart ached as if it were on fire, my thoughts knew no peace, my mind no rest. Those days I missed Grey abominably. Overwhelmed with guilt and sorrow and loss I’d plod on through the day, sullen, arms crossed defensively, snapping at those around me. Snapping at Riley.

Poor Riley always suffered the brunt of my emotions, especially during my bad days. It didn’t seem to faze him. He had a never-ending supply of patience at his disposal for all he put up with—my moroseness, my bitter gloom, my cruel remarks. He seemed to understand it wasn’t about him, but of course, he wasn’t shy about telling me when to shut up, either.

Riley kept talking to me about God, and for some reason every time he did, it made me want to cry. At his coaxing, I tried fitfully to read the Bible he’d given me. The first few chapters were enjoyable, but it was hard to believe the stories really happened, like nursery rhymes or fairy tales. I asked Riley a trillion questions, most he couldn’t answer. Like, did Noah take mosquitoes with him on the ark? If so, why? He could have saved us a whole bunch of trouble, not to mention a bunch of diseases, if he’d just left those pests behind. And Adam and Eve. If they were the first two people on earth, who did their sons marry? Their sisters?

I couldn’t help myself. It was easier to make light of it, to keep things safe, shallow.

I didn’t want to tell Riley about it, but whenever he got into the real stuff, the heart stuff, the stuff about God and Jesus and the sacrifice he made to save us…it made me teary. Teary and uncomfortable. Like something inside me was stirring. Something I didn’t want. Something I didn’t need.

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