Page 146 of Life of the Party

“Zack!” I barked. “Alex!”

There was no movement from the couches.

Stupid fucking junkies. “Zack! Alex! Help me!” My voice was so shrill, so high pitched, like the fear had frozen my voice box and all it could make now was this strangled, harsh soprano.

They must have heard the sheer panic of my scream. Both of them shook awake, staring up at me in confusion. Alex was the first to move.

“What’s wrong, Mac?” He came to me in the hallway, helped me stand straight, his eyes hazy with concern.

“Grey, it’s Grey…” I panted. “Oh god…it’s Grey…please, please…”

He left me there. Zack brushed past me an instant later. I clutched the wall for support; my limbs shaking, my teeth chattering. I couldn’t see straight. I couldn’t watch. I shut my eyes and listened as Zack and Alex ran into our room, hoping I’d made some terrible mistake—that Grey would be up and sitting in bed, wondering what the hell all the noise was about.

“Shit! Shit! Grey…Grey buddy…wake up man…” They were slapping him, shaking him, trying to rouse him.

It was true then; it was real. A sob escaped my throat, and I slid down the wall, my legs refusing to hold my weight up anymore.

“Come on man, come on…Grey, come on, buddy…”

Sirens. Paramedics. Red, flashing lights. A stretcher. A body on the stretcher. CPR. Shouting. White lights. Sterile. Emergency room. Beeping machines. IV.

My mom.

She came up out of nowhere. Of course she was working. Wasn’t she always working? Isn’t that why I’d always been alone?

I had never felt more alone than I did at that instant.

She scanned the limp body on the stretcher for half a second, assessing the situation, and then sprang into action. I’d never seen my mom at work before. She was commanding—everyone hurried to follow her orders.

“More Naloxone! Lori, a syringe!” She pulled on a pair of gloves and hurried to the front of the bed. At that moment, she saw me. Her dark eyes filled with anguish for just a second.

“Get her out of here!” She shouted. Someone grabbed me, but I fought them. I couldn’t leave Grey. I’d been in a total trance until then, just blinking at the nurses and paramedics surrounding him as they worked frantically—pushing needles into hisskin, shouting orders at each other. His handsome face was covered by an oxygen mask. He wasn’t breathing; he couldn’t breathe. I wanted to be near him until he did; I needed to feel the warmth of his hand, to know that he was going to be okay.

He had to be okay…

“Mom! Please!” I shouted desperately. “Help him! Please, help him!”

“Get her out of here!” She boomed. The grip on my arms tightened and then I was being hauled away, beyond the swinging doors, out into the waiting room.

“No! No! Grey!” I was screaming, fighting them. They didn’t understand. They couldn’t understand how badly I needed to be beside him. It would help him, my closeness. It would give him a reason to open his eyes again.

Someone held my writhing body. I couldn’t look at them; I looked past them, straining for a glimpse inside the ER. “Let me go!” I shouted. “Let me go!”

And then, I was calmer. I didn’t want to be; I knew there was a reason for me to keep fighting, but then my head got cloudy, and my muscles relaxed without my bidding. I hadn’t even felt the needle until I saw the orderly holding it in his hand. Acceptably docile, he set me on a chair and left me all alone.

It was too quiet in the waiting room. The change was tangible after the frantic chaos of the ER. I had no choice but to just sit there; I had no energy to move my limbs. I was thankful for whatever they’d given me. It wouldn’t let me think straight. It wouldn’t let me gnaw my fingertips off with worry.

It was also making me sleepy. I fought with my eyelids as they drooped heavily. I knew there was something I should stay awake for, but I was losing the battle. Despite my best efforts, I dropped my head, slumped in the chair, and gave in to the relative comfort of sleep.

My mom shook me awake. I stared up at her a moment, bleary-eyed. How could it be time to get up for school already? It felt like I had just gone to sleep…

“Mackenzie?” Her eyes were full of sorrow, her face tense, like she was stressed. She was in her white doctor’s coat. Didn’t she usually leave that at work?

And then it all came rushing back to me in a tidal wave of dread. All of it. Grey’s still chest. The ambulance. The nurses, the machines, the tubes. The beeping. His limp, motionless body. I sat up, already reaching for the doors to the emergency room.

“Grey!”

“Mackenzie.” Mom stopped me, her hand firm on my arm.

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