Page 102 of Life of the Party

And though it pains me so, it’s time for me to go.

I’ve got to leave Mackenzie lying all alone.”

The chords changed, the strumming got stronger as he entered the chorus.

“Mackenzie, I hope you miss me

When I’m gone, when I’m gone.

I gotta go now, but you need to know how

Much you’re loved, how much you’re loved…”

His voice was beautiful, silky and rough. I sat on the bed, watching and listening in utter disbelief. Grey had written me a song, and that would’ve been enough to causethe happy tears that sprang to my eyes, even if he hadn’t said he loved me. Those affectionate words rang in my head and echoed in my heart, swollen with happiness.

I smiled through my tears.

“That’s all I have so far.” He shrugged, the notes fading, his smile bashful.

“That was the most beautiful…” I shook my head, at a loss for words. I gave up speaking and crawled over the bed to him, placing my hands gently on his face, looking up into his eyes, shining silvery blue in the moonlight.

Beautiful.

“I will miss you, so much. Every minute.” I whispered. I moved my lips up to his. “I love you.”

He wrapped his arms around me, tight and warm, pulling me close, and his guitar, unheeded, slid to the floor with a noisy lurch.

CHAPTER 41

My eighteenth birthday was in less than a week. I was sorting through the mail, looking for the card my grandma sent me every year. I knew there’d be a twenty-five-dollar check inside, which I could put to good use right up my nose.

Every little bit helped. The cocaine just wasn’t as rewarding as it used to be. I still loved it, it still felt amazing, but I had to do more and more of the drug to get as high as I once did, and the buzz didn’t last near as long. All of my tips now went towards my drug habit so I could chase down the high I was craving, but it just wasn’t as…satisfying as it used to be.

Still, happy birthday to me.

I ripped open the envelope and briefly scanned the rhyming poem inside the card. My grandma continued to pick out birthday cards meant for little girls, covered with balloons and puppies and dolls, but I didn’t mind. I set the card on the counter, displaying it proudly, and pocketed the check from inside.

As excited as I was, it saddened me a little, to think of my birthday. Remembering all the dreaming Riley and I had done, all the party plans we’d made. He was already eighteen, he’d turned eighteen months ago—a day we’d looked forward to for years, a day I’d never imagined we wouldn’t spend together. I wondered how he’d celebrated finally being legal. Chips and pop with Emily?

I hadn’t really thought about Riley since the night his voice abruptly entered my mind. Sometimes it was inevitable; if we were driving past his house or if I saw something that reminded me of him, his face would flash before my eyes. I wouldn’t let myself dwell though; I’d push the image away, ignoring it as best I could.

Now, carefully, I allowed myself a moment to wonder what Riley was doing, who hewas doing it with, if he was happy, and if he’d found what he was looking for.

I wondered if he ever thought of me. Or if he’d forgotten all about me.

The sadness bubbled up again, the pain fresh and raw, reminding me why I was forbidden to think about him. I couldn’t let my guard down, even a little bit, or I’d be crippled by the gnawing ache.

I missed him. As much as I wanted to deny it, as badly as I wanted those feelings to go away, to just disappear, I missed Riley with all of my heart. There was nothing I could do but push it away, bury it down deep, and pretend it didn’t exist.

I was doing the same with my family. I hadn’t seen or spoken to them since Marcy’s wedding. I wouldn’t dream of heading over there for Sunday supper; I wasn’t sure the invitation still stood.

It was nice to be free of them. This time last year, they’d been bugging me about school supplies and class registrations and college applications. Not anymore. Somehow—I don’t know, a miracle from heaven maybe—I’d actually graduated high school. My real diploma came in the mail one day, and my transcripts showed I passed every class, though just barely. I hung the paper happily on the fridge, my ticket to freedom, the approval I needed to keep enjoying my life just the way it was.

And it was awesome. I loved being on my own, doing my own thing, taking care of myself. I loved my new friends and my boyfriend and partying with them and just living for a good time. I was young, and invincible, and there wasn’t anything I was going to miss out on. The summer may’ve been gone, but the rest of my life stretched on before me, limitless in its potential, budding with possibilities.

I sighed contentedly and kept rifling through the mail, spotting another envelope addressed to me, one I didn’t recognize at all. It was thick and plain white. Curiously, I ripped it open, recognizing Grey’s inky scrawl spread across the page. Hastily, I read his written words.

Hey, happy birthday. I know it’s early, but I wanted to give you your present now.

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