Page 86 of Life of the Party

The blankets were low on his torso, his tan chest naked, his head resting against his arms. I propped my head on my hand and slowly trailed my fingers over the hard contours of his pecks and his abs in open admiration. He was so perfect, so unbelievably beautiful. I sighed happily.

I’d never been this intimate with anyone before. Cocooned in love, wrapped up in him. He’d held me all night long, skin to skin, and I’d never felt safer.

We still hadn’t had sex. We’d done other things…wonderful things…things that sent a quick blush of heat to my cheeks at the thought. We’d spent the most amazing night together. But still, Grey had stopped us before we could go the final distance, and I just didn’t understand it. I was actually starting to get a complex about the whole thing. I mean, we’d had plenty of opportunity, plenty of chances to do it, but we just…didn’t. He didn’t want to, for some reason. I couldn’t help but think it had something to do with me.

I blew my smoke out thoughtfully, trying to imagine what it would be like, how it would feel. The curiosity was driving me crazy. I knew he had to leave soon; I knew our time together was fleeting. I had to ask him, I had to know before he left.

“Grey?”

“What?” His voice was still raspy from sleep.

I could feel the heat in my face. “Nothing, never mind.” I blushed, changing my mind. I couldn’t ask him. It was too embarrassing.

“What is it? Tell me.” He chuckled. “You have to tell me now.”

“No, it’s stupid. Forget it.”

“Mackenzie.”

I shook my head. “No, it’s…” I groaned and shut my eyes, forcing out the words. “I just, I’ve been wondering. I mean, don’t get me wrong, last night was amazing, but I was wondering why we don’t…” I couldn’t say it.

“Why we don’t have sex?” He finished for me.

I nodded shamefully. “Yeah.”

“Well, you’re a virgin, right?”

“Is it that obvious?” My blush deepened. Why did I bring this up? I was going to die of humiliation; I just knew it.

“No, it’s not obvious. Not in the way you’re thinking. Not in a bad way.”

“Okay…”

“Look, Mackenzie.” He sat up a bit, adjusting the blankets as he did so. He looked at me seriously, but his lips were bent in a smile. “I’m not in a rush or anything. We can wait until you’re ready.”

“I’m ready,” I stated certainly.

He chuckled. “I know you think that, but are you really? Maybe you just feel that way because you think I expect it. I don’t. I mean, I’d like to, yeah…hell yeah.” He looked me over roguishly and smirked. “It’s definitely not easy. But I can wait.”

I was stunned. And relieved. I had no idea Grey was so…thoughtful. That he cared enough to wait until I was truly ready, that he wanted to make sure I knew for certain when I was. I shook my head at him in utter disbelief. “What makes you so…careful?”

“I don’t know.” Grey shrugged. He took a drag of his cigarette and blew out the smoke, avoiding my gaze, like he was the uncomfortable one now. “I don’t know.” He repeated. “I’ve had a shit life, Mackenzie. A total shit life. But I’ve got a chance now, to do something right, for once. You know?” He met my eyes then, his burning blue. “I feel like if I do right by you, it’s, I don’t know, it’s like a shot at redemption, or something. Does that make any sense?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I guess so. But…what do you need redemption for?” Though elated by his sentiment, my heart swelled with compassion for him. I hated hearing that he had a “shit life,” I couldn’t imagine what that meant. As much as I complained about my family and my parents, deep down I knew I had it pretty good. What Grey was alluding to, I had no real idea, only a feeling it was bad. I looked up at him with concern.

“It’s nothing. It doesn’t matter.” Grey chuckled and shrugged it off. “I just; I don’t want to screw this up. That’s all you need to know.”

“How could you?” I lay my head down on his hard chest; my long, dark curls spreading over him. “I won’t let you.”

Grey’s hand found my hair, stroking the soft tresses, running his fingers through them, sending little shivers through me. We lay together in comfortable silence for a while. I wondered what he was thinking about; if he were back reliving the memories of his youth he needed to be absolved of. I hoped one day he would talk to me about it, but I wasn’t going to push him or pry. Grey was always so cool, so casual; he never conveyed even a hint of trauma or torment about him. I had a feeling all of it was buried, somewhere deep and lost inside, hidden in a dark corner no light ever touched.

His life was a mystery to me; there was so much I had left to discover. I looked forward to learning everything there was to know about Grey. I had so many questions about the different chapters in his life and could only hope that one day he would tell me the rest of the story, the parts edited for content, kept only to himself.

His heartbeat was loud in my ear. I smiled contentedly. When Grey was ready to talk, I would be there to listen.

Zack’s car idled loudly against the curb as the guys loaded their luggage into the trunk. It was a gorgeous day, hot enough to “fry a cat on a sidewalk,” as my grandma would say. I stood back and waited, my arms crossed, watching them pack their things. They were jovial and cheery, excited to embark on their adventure.

I couldn’t say the same for me.

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