Page 43 of Life of the Party

A sob escaped my throat. I didn’t mean to let it happen, but the hatred in his voice wounded me deeply, piercing through the chemically induced euphoria to strike me directly in the heart. I clutched at my chest, trying desperately to stifle the sting.

Grey just looked at me, like he was disgusted. Like I was disgusting to him. He shut his eyes and shook his head again, slowly. The chuckle that escaped his perfect lips was condescending; his voice was edged with annoyance.

“Damn teenagers.” He muttered. Without another glance in my direction, he turned and stalked towards the door. It slammed loudly as he left the room, abandoning me in humiliated misery.

CHAPTER 18

I was crushed. There’s no other way to describe it. I cried myself hoarse in that mean, lonely little room, and then, since I had no other choice, forced myself to walk back through the VIP section. Rigid with humiliation and convinced everyone was staring at my puffy red eyes and mascara-streaked face, I nearly ran from the club, stumbling my way home in utter disgrace and rejection. I climbed into my bed without even washing my face or changing my clothes. The evening’s events were fresh in my mind. The moment I shut my eyes I saw Grey’s beautiful face, his blue eyes hard, his lips sneering at me cruelly.

I curled up on my side, tight in the blankets, and cried myself to sleep.

The next morning, when I awoke and was immediately bombarded again by the memory—the horrific, tragic ending to my night—the wave of sadness actually made me…angry. Offended, infuriated. Hurt and resentful. All day I hid out in my room, blaming my absence from hanging with the family on the clever guise of studying for final exams. I didn’t open a book, mostly laid on my bed, stared at my roof, listened to angry music and wished for a cigarette. Furious.

Every time I pictured Grey’s face, I hated him a little bit more.

At least, I tried to convince myself I did.

There was no way I could show my face at Charlie’s ever again, and though she called my cell phone multiple times, I didn’t answer. Even though I knew she’d be understanding and sympathetic and possibly even make me feel better, I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to talk about it; I didn’t want to admit what had happened to anyone. I just wanted to lie on my bed and focus on my anger, trying to hate Grey enough to totally forget about him, trying to persuade myself I was much better off.

There was only one week of official classes left before finals. The next day, everyone at school was abuzz with last-days preparation; all our classes were devoted to diploma exams. I sat silently at my desk, hating everyone around me and wishing I didn’t have to be at stupid school. But what else would I be doing?

I didn’t really have any friends anymore.

Ben, Toby and Jessie were officially MIA, but I couldn’t blame them. I’d ditched them first—I always knew where to find the guys, but I just hadn’t bothered. Too busy with my other, more exciting plans.

Riley was in a few of my classes, and though I’d planned to confront him about the whole moving-away-forever thing, I was just too drained. We acknowledged each other once, in third period, when he had to walk down my aisle to return to his seat. He met my eyes, and we nodded at each other. I wondered when, no—if, he was planning to tell me about the move. He and the Christian were inseparable; I saw them everywhere together, not just at lunchtime meetings. She had taken my place in the passenger seat of Riley’s car.

It was pretty hard not to wallow in self-pity. In a few short weeks, I’d managed to lose all my friends and get a broken heart in the process.

I walked to the Red Wheat after school, my arms crossed, dragging my feet.

Charlie was expecting me as I entered the quiet restaurant. There was one table of two up in the first section, but otherwise the seats were empty. It was only four-thirty, still too early for supper rush.

“Hey, babe. How you doing?” Charlie greeted me. She looked me over and, with that one glance, seemed to understand that something was wrong. A sympathetic smile crossed her face. Her blonde hair had been straightened and shone down to her shoulders; her frilly white dress looked lovely. I shrugged. I knew I looked terrible; I hadn’t the energy or the motivation to do anything with myself that morning. My dark curls hung limply down my back, and I wore virtually no makeup.

“Come with me.” She took me by the shoulders and gently ushered me towards the washroom. I allowed her to; I didn’t care. The rubber stopper held the bathroom door so we could still see out front. We stood before the mirror; Charlie threw my hair up and deftly twisted it into some kind of knot. A little mascara from her purse and some deep red lipstick made a huge difference in my appearance.

“Thanks, Charlie. What would I do without you?” I wondered, more to myself than to her. She was truly my only friend at the moment. I felt guilty for ignoring her calls the day before.

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” Charlie asked.

“Like you don’t know.”

“I don’t. Grey wouldn’t talk about it. All I know is you two went into that room, and then Grey comes out by himself, looking totally stressed. Then you come out, like, almost an hour later, obviously bawling. You run by without even telling me you’re leaving, and Grey’s standing there, watching you, like this.” She clenched her fists in demonstration. “Did you guys have a fight or what?”

“No, not a fight.” I shut my eyes at the memory. “I told him I loved him. It was stupid, I know, and then…” I scoffed. “Let’s just say he didn’t share the sentiment.”

Charlie looked mystified. “How can that be? Mackenzie, the way he looks at you…”

I shook my head regretfully. “Whatever. It’s over. Just forget about it.”

Charlie fixed my cardigan and stood back to survey my outfit, another one of Mom’s purchases, a short khaki skirt and white top. I wore plain white sneakers as well. “You’re right. If he’s too stupid to see it, Mackenzie, you’re much better off.”

“Yeah.” I nodded. I’d told myself that same thing hundreds of times in the last twenty-four hours. So why couldn’t I believe it?

The fact I couldn’t only made me madder.

“Let’s just get through tonight, and then we’ll worry about the rest later. Here…don’t take too much, just enough to help.” She handed me the little silver vial she kept in her purse and looked cautiously out the door. “Coast is clear. Go ahead.”

---