Page 20 of Life of the Party

This time, the kids had to move around them instead of barging through the middle because, to my horrified eyes, Riley’s hand was wrapped tightly in Emily’s, their fingers as intertwined as their eyes seemed to be, completely oblivious to all those around them. Completely oblivious to me.

I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Like I’d been kicked in the guts, like I’d been horribly, brutally betrayed. I wanted to scream. I fought the urge to run over and tear his hand from hers and make him look at me. Anything to snap some sense into him.

I can’t imagine what my expression was like. When Riley finally tore his eyes away from her, when he finally noticed me there, his brows creased with worry.

But his hand was still tight around Emily’s.

“Mac? Are you okay? Someone die or something?” He asked.

“No—” I choked out, shaking my head. I couldn’t talk. My throat had closed.

“What’s up then? Oh, you know Emily, right?” Riley looked down at her and I saw it, the way his dark chocolate eyes warmed, how his face beamed at her name. He loved her. I knew he did. I wanted to cry right there in front of them.

How did this happen? How did I let this happen? I felt the panicky tears start climbing up my throat, gulping to hold them in.

“Riley, can I talk to you a sec?” I managed desperately.

“Uh, yeah. I’ll just be a minute, okay, Em?” He smiled at her again. “Save me a seat?”

She nodded submissively and grinned. “Don’t be late, okay? Bye, Mackenzie.”

I gave her a tight smile. It was probably more like a grimace, but at least I tried. Emily galumphed off down the hallway and I let my breath out, the tears held at bay for the moment.

“You okay? You look kind of terrible.” Riley smiled, glowing, opening his locker to exchange books. “Late night or something? Can’t say I miss that. It’s amazing the difference a good sleep makes. I’ve never felt better.”

“That’s really great.” I tried to be enthused, tried to seem light-hearted. It all sounded wooden to me. “Ry, I was going to ask…I was hoping we could hang out sometime soon…just me and you.” Emily was definitely not invited.

“Oh yeah? Sure…of course. Um…” Riley thought it over. I frowned impatiently. When did this become so awkward? Riley and I used to be like breathing. Natural. Autonomic. Now we had to watch ourselves, had to keep things from each other, had to think things through before saying them.

“I’m just not sure when,” he continued. “This week is crazy; when I’m not working, I’ve got to study, especially with the camping trip this weekend…”

“Camping trip?” I pounced eagerly. The faint hope he’d planned our trip in secret, to surprise me, glimmered briefly.

“Oh, we’re heading to the lake this weekend, Emily and her family and I, kind of a pre-grad celebration thing.”

“What?” My hope died, snuffed out with barely a fight. I couldn’t believe my ears. Anger and injustice began to mix with my panic and worry, roiling together just below the surface. “You’re going onourcamping trip? With the Christian?” I said her nickname with as much disdain as I could muster.

Riley chuckled, but the sound was dangerous. “What did you just call her?”

I didn’t answer. I stared at him in disbelief, tears welling until my sight was blurry, my voice wobbly, my throat aching. “I can’t believe you.” I managed.

“What’s the big deal?” He frowned in concern, his own anger forgotten when he saw me crying. It worked like a charm, every time.

“I don’t know. I guess you’ve forgotten, since you’re so busy withherall the time.”

“Leave her out of it. Get to the point, I’ve gotta go.” Riley was getting impatient. He had to go be withher,is what he meant.

“We were supposed to go on a camping trip, remember? Us! For pre-grad. We planned it for months. Remember?” My voice was thick.

“Yeah…sure, I remember.” He softened. “I told you, Mac, I can’t do those things anymore. You know I can’t. I’m sorry. I know it sucks.”

I frowned, crossing my arms around the volatile mixture of emotions within me. My entire chest seemed to burn.

“Come on, don’t be upset. I know…maybe I could ask Emily if you could come with us this weekend. We could all hang out. What do you say?”

I scoffed at him, bitterly. It wasn’t so much his words, as ridiculous as they were. It was the fake enthusiasm I could hear in his voice. He didn’t want me to go with them any more than I wanted to go.

He didn’t want me with him. And that killed me.

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