Page 175 of Life of the Party

I realized then, what had irrevocably changed over the last three months.

Me.

My steps were heavy as I made my way down the rickety old stairs, saddened by my discovery, resigned to it. With a sigh, I sat down on the bottom step and lit a cigarette, just as the first drops of rain began to fall, pattering around me.

Suddenly, like the rain, it hit me. Suddenly, I understood. Why Riley had left me all those months ago, how he could’ve left me, even though he loved me. It was the same as Charlie and I. I wanted to stay with her, I loved her, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t…

“Fuck!” I exclaimed in surprise, abruptly getting to my feet, gasping at the realization that shook my entire world. It hit me like a ton of bricks, like a kick in the guts.

Riley left me. He left because he had to. Then he came back.

He came back for me. Because he loved me.

This changed everything. I could feel the hurt, the pain, the anger…everything I’d been holding on to dissolving in my chest, falling back, giving way, flooding me instead with everything I’d been denying all along.

I loved him, too. Loved him. Loved him with everything that remained of my broken, splintered heart. It was all I had left, all I could offer, but it was all for him.

I had to tell him. Riley had to know that before he got on the plane.

It took mere seconds before I was running down the street, as fast as I could, desperate, fighting the ice slick with rain, fighting the clock. I was panicked, afraid I’d missed him, that he’d gone back to Emily and I’d made the biggest mistake of my life.

I turned the corner of his block, slowing in tangible relief when I saw his car there, parked in the drive. It was idling noisily, ready to go—but I’d made it. My heart was hammering in my chest, my lungs burning from the effort, but I’d made it.

I ran up to Riley as he walked out to the car.

“Stay!” I meant to yell, but the only noise I could make was a strangled, throaty gasp. I doubled over, grasping my side in agony, coughing and wheezing.

So much for my romantic moment.

“Mackenzie?” He stopped in surprise, a hopeful smile on his face as he peered at me, shielding his face from the rain. “Did you run here?"

I panted, totally winded, and took a moment to catch my breath. I braced my hands on my knees. “I should stop smoking.” I wheezed.

“You’re soaking wet.” He chuckled, opening the driver’s side door for me. “Come out of the rain.”

I wiped the icy drops from my face, clambering across the front seat. Riley got in close beside me, shutting the door.

The rain pattered lightly on the windshield, tinny on the roof. We sat in silence for a moment while I caught my breath. I could feel Riley’s eyes on me, but I couldn’t start, not yet. Instead, I studied the familiar interior of his car—the red velour upholstery, the cracked, broken dashboard. I rubbed my hand over it, smiling wistfully. All the hours we’d spent in this vehicle together, cruising aimlessly, getting high, laughing, talking, fighting, arguing, kissing. It felt right that it should happen here, the culmination of our relationship. It was poetic, almost.

“Mac, come on.” Riley shook his head in exasperation. “You’re killing me here.”

“I went over to Charlie’s house.” I blurted it shamelessly.

“You did what?”

I knew he’d be pissed. It made me smile, knowing him so well.

“Why the hell did you do that? After all you’ve been through, after all your work? That was so stupid.” He shook his head, scorching with disappointment. “I can’t believe you. I can’t believe you’d just throw it all away like that.”

I rolled my eyes. “Will you calm down? I didn’t get high or anything. I just wanted to see her again, you know? I missed her. I missed them.”

“Oh.” Riley relaxed in his seat, letting out a breath of relief. “It was still a stupid thing to do. You knew what they’d be doing there.”

“I know.” I relented. “I know it was stupid. The moment I walked in the door I felt it. I just knew I couldn’t be there anymore. I knew that life wasn’t for me anymore.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” I took a deep breath. No going back now. I bit my lip and looked over at my friend, at my best friend, at the man who knew me in every single way. He’d seen me at my best; he’d seen me at my worst. And still, somehow—he loved me.

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