Page 158 of Life of the Party

And then I was in his arms. Safe, warm, comfortable arms. Weakly, I hugged him back, burying my face into his shoulder, doing my absolute damndest to keep from crying, but he held me so tightly and with his old familiar voice he whispered, “it’s okay, it’s okay,” in my ear, and before I knew it I was sobbing, the combination of utter exhaustion and total heartbreak pouring from me in noiseless, racking shudders.

I was so tired. So sad. None of it was fair, and it was all happening to me.

Riley took me over to the couch, pulling me onto his lap like a child, holding me and letting me cry on his shoulder. His hands stroking my hair, so soothingly.

I didn’t let it last long, my breakdown; I hated being that way. I hated letting him see me that way. Somehow, I managed to pull myself together, biting my lip in an effort to stop the tears, my breath hitching in my throat. When I was somewhat calm again, I pulled myself away from Riley’s shoulder and looked up into his dark chocolate eyes.

“If I’d known this was all it took for you to come back,” I sniffled, my voice wobbling. “I’d have gone to rehab sooner.”

“Are you still mad at me for this? For the whole rehab thing?” He wondered, his expression hopeful, though his eyes were sad.

“Yes,” I admitted.

He nodded slowly. “Well, I’m mad at you, too.”

I smiled dully. “Ha. What else is new?”

“I mean it. You’re the one that did this to yourself. How could you let it come to this? How could you let it get so bad?”

I just shook my head. I didn’t know what to say to that.

Riley made a noise of frustration. “Are you even trying to get better?”

“No.”

“Why? Why not?”

I looked away. He wasn’t going to like the answer to this question.

“Mackenzie, please. Why won’t you even try?”

“Because, Riley. I don’t want to get better! I don’t want to live!” I wailed.

Riley took me by surprise then. He grabbed me by the arms, fiercely, forcing me to look at him. His hands were like a vice. “Don’t say that!” He demanded, giving me a shake, his face rigid with anger. “Don’t ever say that! How could you?”

“I can’t do this, Riley. It’s too hard!”

“Bullshit.” He spat. “It’s not too hard. You’re too selfish. There are people in your life who love you, Mac. What about Marcy, or your parents? Charlie and your other friends? What about me? Do you know what it would do to me if you died? Do you even care?”

I shook my head, dropping my face in my hands, my dark hair tumbling around me. “You don’t know what it’s like.”

Riley sighed. His grip lightened, his hands loosening until they were warm again, comforting on my arms. He rubbed them soothingly a moment and when he spoke again, his voice was softer. “Talk to me then.” He implored. “Tell me about it.”

“It’s…” I took a deep breath. “I just…I miss him, you know? So badly. It hurts…all the time. It’s not getting better. I miss us. I miss what we had.”

Riley listened and nodded silently, but there was a sudden hardness in his face I instantly recognized. Like my words had made him…angry.

I frowned at him, sniffling. “What? What is it?”

“Nothing.”

“Tell me, Riley.”

He paused a moment, shaking his head. “I guess I don’t get how you could…miss…what you had.” He confessed. “Mackenzie, your entire relationship was toxic. It wasn’t healthy at all. It turned you into a heroin addict.Heturned you into a heroin addict.” Riley shook his head at me. “How can you miss that?”

It took me a moment to realize what he was saying. I couldn’t speak; I was so flustered, so offended by his careless words.

“How could I miss that?” I managed finally, my voice riddled with disbelief. “How…dare you. You have no idea what we had, what we shared. It was amazing. I mean, yeah, we liked to party, but we loved each other. We really loved each other.” I glared fiercely, daring him to disagree. “You don’t know anything about it.”

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