Page 144 of Life of the Party

Grey was like a sleepwalker. He sat down on a stool and started tuning his guitar, staring down at his pedal, deep in concentration. I was beside myself. I’d never seen him like that before…it actually scared me. I couldn’t imagine what thoughts were going on in his mind that could keep him so…paralyzed.

“Grey, talk to me,” I demanded. I couldn’t take it any longer. “Please, say something.”

“She was right.” He looked at me. “She was right. I am a screw up. A total loser.”

“Stop that.” I shook my head at him. “You are not a loser.”

“No, I am. I am.” His voice was so…lifeless. “I did the same thing to her, you know. I just sat back and watched while she slowly wasted away.”

“Grey, stop it.”

“I didn’t do anything then. But I can do something now. I can do something.” He didn’t even seem to notice I was standing there. He was talking to himself and I wasn’t meant to be a part of this conversation. “I can make it right…”

“Grey, please?” Tears stung my eyes. My heart plummeted somewhere deep inside my chest, strangling the breath from my lungs. “Please?”

But then he looked straight at me. “Mackenzie, we shouldn’t be together.” His blue eyes bored into mine, and only from knowing him could I tell how much this cost. The pain was evident in his eyes, the heartbreak apparent on his face. I shook my head wildly, refusing the words.

“Grey, don’t do this. Don’t do this.”

“I can’t. I can’t do this to you anymore.”

“No. No, Grey.” The tears started flowing then, I was powerless to stop them. “We’ll…we’ll figure something out. We’ll get clean. I’ll go to rehab…something, anything. Grey, we have to be together.”

“I’m not strong enough.”

“You are. You can be. We can be together.”

“No. No, Mackenzie.” His voice found some power again, some life. “Can’t you see? I’m killing you. I’m killing you!”

“You’re not.” I grasped his hand, desperate, and raised it to my cheek. “Grey, look at me. I love you. I won’t let you leave me. You won’t. You can’t.” I sobbed. “You love me too. I know you do.”

“Of course I do.” His eyes were wild with pain. His voice was like a whisper now, harsh and choking. “But I don’t have a choice.”

“Grey—”

“Grey, man.” It was Zack. He seemed hesitant to interrupt us, but everyone was already on stage. It was time for them to play. “Come on, we’re on.”

Grey stood up, like he was on automatic pilot again, and picked up his guitar. He took to the stage, the screams deafening as he stood before the mic.

Hopelessly, I collapsed on the floor, watching him. When he started to sing, I committed the sound to memory—every melodic pitch, every word his smooth voice rumbled over. I listened to him through my tears and thought back, trying to figure out where we went wrong and how everything had fallen apart.

After everything we’d done, everything we’d gone through, how could we put it back together again? Back to the way it used to be?

The rest of the night dragged on, every second worse than the second before. I went back to the bar; I didn’t know what else to do. I felt like everyone was staring at me from the corner of their eyes, talking about me behind my back. Every breath was a shudder as I attempted to hold back my sobs. All around me, people were revelling, happy, joyful, celebrating. I hated them all.

Just before midnight, Serpentine played a wicked, hard rock version of “Auld Lang Syne.” The crowd went crazy for them. I was so proud of Grey up on the stage, in his tight jeans and his black t-shirt, with the studded leather bracelets on his wrists, the cherry red guitar held in his deft, capable hands. His dark messy hair, his gorgeous blue eyes, his cocky smirk. I loved Grey more than I could possibly love anybody. He was the only one for me, and suddenly, I was determined to make it work.

I’d do anything I had to. I’d give up heroin. I’d start that day if that’s what he needed.

The lights dimmed when the band stopped playing, and the countdown began. The club erupted with the deafening noise.

“Ten…nine…eight…seven…six…five…four…”

And then I was safe. Safe in Grey’s arms again. I don’t know where he came from, but suddenly I was swept up into his warm, strong embrace, and he crushed me to him. I clung to him just as tightly, my hands in his hair, cupping his face. Smelling his delicious cologne, pressing my lips against his neck.

“You’re right, you know. There’s no one for me but you.” He whispered.

“I know.” I giggled shakily. “I know. Grey, we can make this work.” I stared up into his eyes, trying to read them, trying to convince him.

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