Page 38 of Marrying a Spy

Good. She should protect herself. Her mother had been right. He was the wrong guy for her. Even though he knew he’d die to protect her, he couldn’t protect her from his inadequacies. Even if he’d give it all up to be with her.

“Noah,” she whispered.

He glanced over at her to see her peering at him. The earnest look in her eyes made his heart break. She was hurting. Geez, he was an idiot. Even when he was trying not to hurt her, he was hurting her.

But she looked like she was waiting for him to tell her to continue. “Yeah?”

“I’ve spent the entire time since you walked out on me ten years ago trying to convince myself that I don’t care about you. That I don’t care about anyone.” She paused as she closed her eyes. He could see her pain written across her face.

There was nothing he wouldn’t do to take that away. He moved toward her. He wanted to fix what he’d done. But she just shook her head.

“I kept everyone at a distance. If I didn’t care about them, then they couldn’t hurt me. But the one thing I was so scared of came true anyways. I was alone.” She shivered, and before Noah could stop himself, he pushed off the building and slipped off his coat.

He held it out to her, and Sophia hesitated before she turned and let him drape it over her shoulders. She looked so small, so vulnerable, wrapped in his coat. It was taking all of his strength not to reach out and pull her toward him.

“Sophia, I—”

She shook her head. “I get it, Noah. You needed to find your way. To make a name for yourself. And from what I can tell, you’ve done a good job at that.”

But he hadn’t. He’d failed so many people. He swallowed, and the emotions in his throat almost choked him. How could he tell her that he was a joke? He hadn’t protected Judy. And, even though he deluded himself into thinking that he could protect Sophia, he knew he couldn’t.

He felt her hand on his cheek. Startled, he glanced up to see her staring at him. There was so much feeling in her gaze that it took his breath away. He could see that she cared about him. Her feelings were as plain as day.

“Noah,” she whispered as she leaned in closer to him. “I can’t pretend anymore.”

He wanted to step back. To back away from her. Tell her that he didn’t want her. That she was an idiot to get involved with him again. She deserved someone better than what he had to offer.

“Please. Don’t shut me out again.” Her gaze felt heavy as it bored into his own.

What was he supposed to do? How could he say no to her? She cared about him. That he was sure of. He could feel it. Her touch was soft—it was everything that he wanted. For a moment, he allowed himself to lean into it. To let the flicker of hope dance in his chest that they just might be able to make this work.

He parted his lips and allowed his heart to speak. No more censoring. He wanted to say everything that he was feeling. Heck, he wanted to pull her toward him and show her everything he felt. But could he? It went against everything he wanted for Sophia.

“I…can’t.” The words tasted bitter on his tongue. As soon as they were out and floating in the air, he wanted to take them back. To unspeak them.

Especially when he saw her face fall. He’d hurt her. Again. What was wrong with him?

The back door opened, and they both jumped. A waiter emerged, and when he saw them, he jumped as well.

“I’m sorry,” he said, raising his hands to expose an unlit cigarette in one hand.

Noah moved to speak, but Sophia beat him to it.

“It’s okay. I was just leaving.”

Noah turned to see Sophia step away from him and shoulder her purse. She marched toward the car before he could stop her. He nodded at the waiter and then followed after her.

He wanted to explain. What he’d said back there had been a colossal mistake. He’d done such stupid things. Half the time he was trying to protect her—the other half, he was trying to protect himself. And what had happened just moments ago had been a sad attempt at protecting himself by convincing her that he didn’t care for her.

Idiot.

“Sophia, I’m sorry,” he said as she reached the car and pulled her door open.

She let out a frustrated groan as she turned to him. “What do you want, Noah? Huh?” She turned to meet his gaze.

He stepped back. There was fire in her eyes. When he didn’t respond right away, she scoffed and turned back to the car. “I’m over this,” she said.

Like sand through his fingers, he was losing everything that he wanted. But how could he stop this? “Sophia?” He stepped toward her.

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