Page 27 of Marrying a Spy

She was studying him when he glanced back up. He could see the uncertainty in her gaze. She was debating if what he said was true or not.

Desperate to keep the line of communication open, Noah scrambled to explain himself. “I can’t get more detailed than that. It’s on a need to know basis. Your safety could be at risk.” His voice trailed off as he took another bite. His chest surged as the desire to keep her safe rushed through him. Nothing would happen to her. Nothing.

She fell silent, and Noah didn’t like that. It had felt good to finally be honest with each other. He wanted to gain her trust back. But how?

“There was a girl. Once.” He winced as he let himself open up. Maybe he couldn’t tell her more about her father, but he could tell her something personal. Something so painful that it haunted his dreams at night.

When he glanced back up, he saw that her lips were closed and she was watching him. He took a deep breath as he continued.

“She was my trainee, back at the agency.” He reached out and fiddled with his bowl of ice cream. It had begun to melt, leaving an Oreo-filled soup in his bowl. “She…well, she felt more for me than I did for her.”

“What was her name?” Sophia asked, her voice barely a whisper.

He swallowed. “Judy.” The image of Judy’s big brown eyes and wide smile flooded his mind. “We were close. I cared about her—in a big brother sort of way. When we were out on a recon mission, we ran over an IED. I—um…” Noah cleared his throat as he shifted in his chair. The memory of that day was burned into his brain.

The warmth of her hand engulfing his sent shivers up his skin. When he glanced over at Sophia, he saw understanding in her gaze.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to keep going.” She smiled at him. Her soft, pink lips tipped up into a smile.

“Thanks,” he said, pulling his hand away, hoping that the temptation to pull her closer would dissipate. It didn’t.

The silence that surrounded their table was palpable. He was grateful for a melting bowl of ice cream to distract himself with. After the waitress came to fill up their waters, she told them she would be back with the check. Noah nodded. He was ready to move on.

He needed to get out of here. He needed some space from Sophia and the feelings that were racing through him.

They didn’t say anything more as Noah drove back to her house. Every time he tried to break the silence, he couldn’t think of anything to say. He didn’t want to make her uncomfortable by telling her about his past, but he also didn’t want her to think that he was holding anything back.

It had felt good to get his past out into the open. To be honest with her. Deep down, he wanted her to know—needed her to know. But that was selfish. It would only help him feel better. He’d told his stories before. Everyone always got incredibly uncomfortable afterwards. As if they weren’t sure what to do with what he’d told them.

And that wasn’t a burden he wanted to put on Sophia. She had enough heartbreak in her life; the last thing he should do was dump his problems on her.

So when they entered her house, he reached out and grabbed her elbow.

“Sophia, wait.”

She turned. She had a pained expression on her face. One he couldn’t read. What was she thinking? Why was she such a mystery to him?

He used to know so much about her, and now? She was a stranger.

“What, Noah?” She met his gaze.

There was a hint of hesitation there. As if she knew what he did—they couldn’t keep telling each other their deepest secrets. It would only ignite feelings that they’d long since buried.

So, even though he was desperate for her to know everything about him, he just smiled. “Thanks for listening to me. I can ramble on sometimes.”

Sophia shrugged. “Of course. What are fake fiancées for?”

He scoffed as she pulled her arm away. Embarrassed, Noah shoved his hands into his front pockets.

Sophia sighed and turned away. “I’m going to my room to lie down.” She glanced over her shoulder. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

He wanted to ask if she was still planning on meeting Kari, but decided against it. Sophia looked so emotionally and physically drained, that sleep was probably the best thing for her.

Once she was gone, he glanced around. What was he supposed to do? There was no way his nightmares were better than being awake. So, he sat down on the couch and grabbed a book. Hopefully it would lull him to sleep.

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