Page 52 of Marrying a Spy

When she turned to look at him, his heart sank. Her normally cheery disposition had hardened. She was trying to hide her pain but struggled to keep the mask up. Guilt and shame rose up inside of him. How could he have been so selfish as to lead her on? Did he really think that they could make a life together? Not with his profession. She deserved so much better.

“What’s the plan today?” she asked as she sat down at the table and opened the wrapper.

Noah cleared his throat, forcing his gaze over to James, who had both thumbs hooked through his belt loops and was studying the ground.

“Do you have a venue?” James asked.

Sophia nodded. “The planetarium.”

“A dress? Food?”

Sophia sighed as she grabbed a spoon and stirred in her creamer. “Yep. The wedding is in a few days. Did you think we’d leave everything to the last minute?”

Noah flinched at the bite to her tone. She was not happy, and she had every right to feel that way. She’d been lied to and played like a pawn. He’d feel the same if he was put in her situation.

“What about a tux?” James asked, glancing over at Noah.

Noah was surprised at how relaxed James was about all of this. Why didn’t Sophia’s obvious frustration affect him? When Noah met his gaze, he saw the pain that resided there. And then Noah knew the answer to his question.

If Sophia hated James, then she was safe. When she started to care, James wouldn’t be able to keep away from her. It was through her anger for him that she was protected.

“I got one. We could go fit you for one,” Noah said.

Sophia clapped her hands. “Well, you two seem buddy buddy enough, you don’t need me for that. I’ll call Kari and spend the day with her while you guys go shopping.” She shoved the rest of her bar into her mouth and stood up from the table. As quickly as she’d blown into the room, she left.

Noah glanced over at James. “I guess it’s just you and me then.”

James shook his head. “I’ll just call in for one. There’s no way I’m letting her wander around by herself.”

Noah hadn’t thought of that. “We’re following her, then?”

“Yep.”

“Perfect.”

* * *

Noah sat in James’s car, watching as Sophia and Kari walked into a local sub shop. They were laughing as they opened the door. Noah loved how carefree and at ease Sophia looked. Definitely a stark contrast to how she was when he was around.

He winced as he thought about all the pain he’d brought her in the past and all the pain she was about to experience. He knew how much it hurt her to be alone. Now, she was moments away from having a husband and father, yet all of that was going to be yanked away from her.

He never should have come back.

“Don’t beat yourself up,” James said as he leaned against his car door. He rested his elbow next to the window and grabbed a bag of sunflower seeds from the center console.

Noah glared at him. “Why isn’t this bothering you? She’s going to hate you too.”

A look passed over James’s face before he shrugged and focused on his sunflower seeds. “If she hates me, that means she’s alive. I’d rather she not be the one to pay for my mistakes. Besides”—he spit out the shells into his hand and dumped them into a cup next to him—”I don’t deserve her. It’s better that she lives her life without me in it.”

Noah stared. “Is that the lie you tell yourself?”

“Excuse me?”

Noah shifted until he was facing James. “You honestly think it’s better for Sophia to live a life alone. With no one. Not being able to get close to anyone? Yes, you don’t deserve her, but she deserves a dad.” He scoffed as he turned to focus on the window that Sophia and Kari were now sitting at. “You could have left a life of crime. Moved on and started a new life,” Noah muttered under his breath.

When James didn’t answer, Noah glanced over at him.

“And what about you? You could have given up your desire to leave—to gallivant around the world. Even now, you’re holding on to your job while trying to enter into a life with her. You think she deserves that?”

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