Page 47 of Marrying a Spy

James took another drink as a contemplative expression fell over his features. He wasn’t the typical bad guy Noah was used to. There was something else there. A sadness. It looked as if he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders.

“Georgie—who you call Kingpin—is going through a reorganization of sorts. His previous right-hand man snitched, and for that, he was killed.” James twisted the bottle around on the table, studying the label. Noah could tell that he was trying to figure out how much to tell him.

For some reason, Noah wanted to tell him that there was no way he was going to let anything to happen to Sophia. He wanted James to realize that she was safe with him. It was stupid. Sophia was never going to be safe. Not with Noah or James around her.

“You don’t have to worry about Sophia. I’m keeping her safe,” Noah said despite the doubts crowding his mind.

James met his gaze and furrowed his brow. “No one can protect her. Not even me. Do you think I wanted to stay away from my baby girl this long? I loved her. That’s why I left. It wasn’t about me and my wants. It was always about Sophia. Her safety.” He slapped his hand down on the table. “And then you come in, dicking around, and ruined it all.”

Anger built up inside of Noah. He didn’t need to defend his reasons for being there. He wasn’t the criminal. He hadn’t been instrumental in killing people. James had, and Noah couldn’t forget that.

He glared at James. “I have a hard time listening to your holier than thou nonsense. I know your past—what you’ve done.”

James met his gaze. “You’re right. I’ve got a past. Which is why I’ve stayed away, kept information about Sophia quiet. I’m not the one posting her face on every newspaper.” James reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded bit of newspaper. He opened it and pointed to the engagement photo. “This was stupid. Are you stupid?”

Oh, Noah wanted to punch him. James had some nerve. “I’m not stupid enough to abandon my wife and kids,” Noah said.

James flinched at the comment. Noah allowed himself a small smile. James didn’t live a perfect life. He enabled very bad people to do very bad things.

James grabbed the newspaper clipping and folded it back up. “Don’t talk like you know things, kid. You don’t.” James drained the rest of the bottle and set it on the table. He pushed his chair away and stood.

Suddenly realizing that he was losing control of the situation, Noah stood as well. “Where are you going?”

James glanced over at him. “Do you think I’m just going to stay here and watch as Georgie takes the last person in my life that I care about?” James scoffed. “You’re a bigger fool than I thought.” He jabbed his thumb toward his chest. “I wouldn’t put Sophia in danger like that. Your secrets aren’t as secret as you think they are. If Georgie gets confirmation of who you work for, anyone you’ve associated with will be at risk.” He narrowed his eyes. “You shouldn’t put Sophia in that kind of danger.”

Noah shook his head. “So you’re not coming to the wedding?” Wait. Why was he worried about that? He needed information from James. That was the whole point in coming back. He needed to get James to trust him so he could get information on Kingpin. And he was sucking on both fronts.

James shook his head. “She doesn’t want me there. She never wanted me there.” He cleared his throat. “It’s better if I stay away.” He reached out and patted Noah on the shoulder. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll leave too.”

Noah winced at his words. No. He couldn’t do that a second time. He’d already proposed and then dropped her. There was no way he could do that again. It would break her.

“We’re engaged,” Noah said, his voice low from the pain squeezing his chest.

James studied him. “But it’s not real. What does it matter?”

Noah shook his head. “No, it’s real. At least, now it is.” What a fool he’d been. He’d let Sophia fall in love with him. Again. Why?

He knew the answer. He was selfish. He was tired of pretending that he was perfectly happy with his life. That he didn’t miss Sophia every moment of every day. When given the opportunity to fill that giant void in his life, he chose to fill it. He scrubbed his face with his hand.

James’s eyes had widened. “Why would you do that? You work for the CIA. How was that going to work out? She’s already lost so many people in her life. And now, you’re going to make her a widow.” He shook his head, muttering “idiot” under his breath.

Noah hated how true James’s words were. He hated that a con man was lecturing him on right and wrong. That he was casting judgment on him.

“I love her,” Noah said.

James paused and glanced over at him. His expression stilled as he leaned forward. “Then leave her. You can’t offer her what she wants. You can’t offer her protection. She deserves to find a man who loves her and can take care of her.” He pulled back. “Does that sound like you?”

Noah swallowed. With all his heart, he wanted to answer yes. He loved her. He’d die for her. But if he died, she’d still be alone. Both leaving and staying would hurt her, no matter how he cut it. His job was risky. Was he willing to put Sophia at risk too?

No. He couldn’t do that her. If he even cared for her as much as he claimed, he’d walk away. Take a page from James’s book and leave. A broken-hearted Sophia was better than a dead Sophia. But he needed to know that if he walked away, Sophia would be left alone. Safe from Kingpin.

“Can you promise that she’ll be safe?” he asked, hating the words as they left his lips.

James nodded. “Why do you think I’ve stayed away?” He sighed, his shoulders sagging. “I couldn’t protect her mother and brother. It was my stupidity that got them killed. But I’ll be damned before I let anything happen to Sophia. Enough people have paid for my dumb mistakes.”

That did make Noah feel a tad better. But something he said caught Noah’s attention. “Her mom and Benny?”

A sad expression fell over James’s face. He dropped his gaze. “I couldn’t protect them. I—” His voice broke, and he didn’t continue.

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