Page 14 of Marrying a Spy

The urge to run away overtook him, so he stood and made his way into the kitchen. After opening and closing a few cupboards, he found a cup and filled it with water.

From the corner of his eye he saw Sophia step into the kitchen with an unsure expression. “What happened to you?” she asked.

Noah tipped the rest of the water into his mouth, taking a moment to close his eyes. He needed to decide, right now, how much he was going to let Sophia into his life. If he was leaving in a few weeks, wouldn’t it be better to keep her at a distance? Only tell her what she needed to know?

It hurt, but he knew it was the only way to keep her safe. With him, she would always be in danger. So he set the cup in the sink and turned to lean against the counter, folding his arms. He hoped she would see the confident persona he was trying to display and not the wreck that his life had become.

“I really can’t talk about it, and I’m sure you don’t want to know.” He smiled.

Her forehead crinkled as she studied him. Man, he hated how she could read him from a mile away.

Silence fell around them. The tension heavy in the air. But Noah wasn’t going to let up and he wasn’t going to give in. He’d already lost someone once. There was no way he could lose Sophia, too.

“I guess I just…” Her voice trailed off as she furrowed her brow.

She wanted to say something, but she seemed hesitant to actually do it. That wasn’t like her. When they’d been together, she’d always told him what she thought. If Noah was being an idiot, she never sugar-coated it.

“You don’t need to worry about me. We don’t have that kind of relationship anymore. You have your life and I have mine. Let’s not blur the lines by letting past feelings get in the way of what we need to do,” he said, pushing his hands through his hair.

It hurt him to say the words that were tumbling from his lips, but he couldn’t stop himself. The last thing he needed was for Sophia to get involved—for another woman to care about him. The most caring thing he could do was keep everyone at a distance.

Her eyes widened as she stared at him. He waited for the backlash that he was sure would come. But then, a disappointed look crossed her face as she nodded and turned away. “I’m going to bed,” she said as she disappeared into her room, shutting the door behind her.

He winced at the finality of the door shutting. It was symbolic of so many aspects of their relationship. And even though it hurt to see her look at him that way, he knew he was doing the right thing by pushing her away. She was untouchable. Even though every part of him yearned to touch her.

Pushing off the counter, he made his way back over to the couch. He grabbed his pillow and began punching it. He told himself it was to get out the lumps, but his frustration had built up and he needed to work it out.

Once he’d pulverized the stuffing, he put it back onto the couch and dropped onto it. After shifting back and forth, he let out a groan and covered his eyes.

Why did he come back here? He should have known better than to agree to this assignment.

Even though it gave the agency the possibility of capturing a man who had changed Noah’s life in more ways than one, they should have sent someone else.

But then a conflicting feeling filled his chest. He was the only one who cared enough about Sophia to keep her safe. He’d do anything to make sure that his idiotic actions didn’t affect her anymore. Or her father’s idiotic actions for that matter.

Being here was the only way to keep her safe. And he was going to keep her safe.

Even if that meant keeping her at a distance. After all, he didn’t deserve to be happy.

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