Page 60 of When to Call a Blitz

With a sigh I tell her I’ll be there to pick her up, even though I’m usually in bed by then. I know Juniper is going to love having her here.

We talk a little longer about dad’s work schedule, some projects he’s working on—a new software that will help optimize wind turbines, and what mom has been doing to stay busy—apparently Pilates—before I give the phone to Juniper so she can hear the news.

But my mind is immediately back on Heidi, who has been hanging around a lot more lately.

Sure, she’s bonding a ton with Juniper, but I’m also back to avoiding her like the plague. I miss our morning runs, but that means we have to talk at some point. She still shows up early and goes for runs herself.

I want to join her every single time.

We haven’t had any moments in the weeks since the last one, and part of me is upset about it. Part of me wants it, and wants it badly.

The other part wants nothing at all, which is a sad way to live.

But I keep reminding myself that I need to focus on the people in my life right now, which just happens to mean pushing her out.

I can’t lose something I don’t have.

But that isn’t true.

Whether I like it or not, Heidi has wormed her way into my heart. Friends or not, she means something to me even if I don’t want to admit it. She doesn’t need me in her life. She doesn’t need my worry, and I can’t definitively say that I’d want to marry her in the future.

No one, not her, not someone from a damn dating app, no one deserves someone who can’t see a solid future with them. I don’t know how much of myself I can give, or whether my anxiety is going to be too much.

Heidi deserves more than that. And she deserves someone who will commit to her.

“Dad!” Juniper calls.

“What’s up, Bug?”

“Have our costumes come in yet?” she asks hopefully.

I checked the tracking number this morning and they’re supposed to come tomorrow. “Not yet, but almost.”

“What are we being again?”

“You wanted to be Jabba this year and you wanted me to be Salacious B. Crumb, remember?”

“Oh yeah. Grandma, dad’s going to be my pet!”

Rolling my eyes, I nearly throw myself onto the couch, watching as Juniper explains her vision to my mother and trying hard to tune out all the excuses swirling in my mind of why I need to stay far, far away from the pretty redhead.

“You have a nanny now?” My mom fixes her hair in the light of the vanity mirror in my car.

Her flight got in a bit late, and I’m exhausted. We’re facing one of our best, toughest division rivals this weekend and practices have been really tough.

“Yeah. Juniper is at that age I think. I don’t know. She’s been a little tough.”

Mom sits back with a sigh. “Kids will go through that. It’s good for her to have someone else around.”

“Mom.” I know where this is going.

“Speaking of, how’s your dating life going?”

I roll my eyes, my knuckles whitening around my steering wheel. “Who the hell phrases it like that anymore?” I chuckle, but it’s more for self-preservation than anything.

Her eyes meet mine, shocked. “What’s wrong with that phrasing?”

Slowing at the stoplight, I make quotes in the air. “How’s your dating life going?Mom. Come on.”

---