Page 45 of When to Call a Blitz

It’s when she starts mentioning that we need to drink lots of water when we leave that I start to get worried.

“You’re going to be fine,” Heidi whispers when my head whips in her direction, my eyes wide. “Lay down, weirdo.”

“I’m not weird,” I hiss back, but I do as I’m told.

Going into this, I thought whatever happened, I would probably be uncomfortable throughout the whole thing. Maybe I would fall asleep. Maybe I’d snore. Maybe I would stare at the ceiling, eyes open wide the entire time.

Instead, I felt at ease. Calm.

The woman started with a quiet sound. I’m not sure what the terms are, but as I’m laying on the ground, my eyes shut tight, I feel myself starting to relax.

By what must be twenty minutes in, I’m in complete bliss. I only feel Heidi’s hand touch mine once as I let out a single snore, which was enough for me to scare myself awake.

But her pinky never retreats. Instead, I feel her digit tighten around mine, and when I look over at her, her hair splayed around her pillow, her eyes peaceful, lips parted just slightly, I think back to that sunset on the beach.

But meditating is easier than thinking about my feelings, and I close my eyes once more, deciding to mind my own business, and I slip back into my own thoughts.

At first everything feels really straight forward. The floor vibrates underneath me as the woman plays the singing bowls, as Heidi called them. But when she starts walking around the room, playing them directly on top of me, everything starts to change.

My mind runs with all of my happiest memories. My first date with McKenna. That first dinner in our apartment after graduation, on the floor because we had just enough money to buy a couple burritos from the local fast food chain. Our wedding. Having Juniper.

Our nights watching the sunset and thinking of what could be.

But then things start to shift. I don’t think about the night I lost her, or the funeral that followed. But all I feel is emptiness. The loneliness that came with it. Through it.

After it.

The loneliness grips me like a vice, and I suddenly feel like I’m soaring thousands of feet in the air without a parachute, free falling into the murky depths before a deep, undeniable melancholy crashes into me at full-force, knocking me backwards.

I’m numb, and yet all of the emotions that I’ve been trying so hard to shove down come spilling out of me as I sit there on that beach, overlooking that last sunset.

That last sunset.

Something within me set with the sun that night, and I’ve been running from it ever since. I just don’t know exactly what it is.

“When you’re ready, you can start to sit up and stretch,” a woman’s voice calls, but she feels far away.

It’s not until I feel my pinky squeezed that I remember where I am and what we were doing.

Opening my eyes, I become acutely aware of the moisture dripping down my cheek, pooling at my ear, and when I turn my head to look at Heidi, I’m met with her bright green eyes, filled to the brim with tears threatening to spill over.

She nods once, grabbing my hand and squeezing it, and I know that everything will be okay.

24

HEIDI

It’s been days and I still can’t figure out what the fucking smell is in this house.

It doesn’t help that I seem to be in a bad mood for life. There’s just something at the back of my mind bugging me, but I know it could also be from the sound bath last night. It’s normal to come out of it a little overly emotional or sometimes even a little annoyed. It’s the expulsion of negativity and it can last a couple of days sometimes.

I’ve never felt like this, though.

Emmett was equally emotional after, which took me by surprise. There’s often been men who come to these things with their significant others and usually, they don’t come back. Yet Emmett expressed interest in coming to the next one with me.

The goodbye was awkward, with him barely looking at me. He was in a rush to leave, and I let him.

I wanted to get home too.

---