Page 150 of How to Prevent a Fumble

“I mean, yeah.”

“You know that I haven’t been fake with you, right?”

She rolls her eyes, heading toward what I assume is the bathroom. I haven’t given myself time to look around yet. “Leo we both know what this is.”

Groaning, I flip onto the bed, feeling it creek underneath my weight. “You’re absolutely killing me.”

“Why?” she says from behind me.

“Because I keep telling you what my feelings are, and you keep just telling me that I’m not being reasonable, or that this isn’t what I think it is, Briar.”

“Leo,” she says softly, and I sit up, turning to look at her.

She’s braiding her hair, a frown plastered on her beautiful face. I don’t want to be the reason she’s sad. Not now and not ever.

“I told you I like you, and you’re telling me what you think I feel, and it really sucks, Briar. Because I feel like you like me too, you’re just not letting yourself think about it.”

She purses her lips, thinking about what I said.

“I just don’t want to risk?—”

“Risk what?” I ask her. “Our fake relationship? Our non-existent friendship? What don’t you want to risk, Briar. Because it sounds like, from what you’ve been saying, we’re nothing but a means to an end.”

Briar drops her hands, rearing back as her eyes turn glassy, tears threatening to spill over.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“Leo who’s to say that I’m not your own personal brand of fucking self-sabotage? Who’s to say that I let you in, and you can’t deal with things going right in your life? Who’s to say that you don’t spiral out of fucking control like you do every single time things are going great for you, and I’m left to pick up the pieces of my life that you manhandled? I can’t fucking do that, Leo,” she breathes, her chest heaving. “I have a daughter,” she points to the door, “and a life, and bills to fucking pay, and those are things that come first. I can’t be sitting around waiting for you to get your act together so that I can depend on you.”

I feel like I was kicked in the gut, her words sitting on my shoulders like a massive weight.

“I—”

“I’ve wanted you, you know that?” she asks. “I can’t get your stupid face out of my head, and what this could be if you were serious about it. But I can’t tell myself that it’ll happen, Leo. Because I don’t know what’s real and what’s not, and I don’t know if you’re actually being serious or if you’re just going to drop me tomorrow because you like ruining your life more than me.”

Briar’s tears come fast and hard, her body rocking as she tries as hard as she can to keep her voice quiet so no one comes in.

“Briar—”

“Please,” she tells me, her hand up to stop me from coming over.

I do anyway.

With a sigh, I throw my suitcase on the bed, opening it and searching through the large pocket. Finding what I need, I pull the piece of paper out, unfolding it, and hand it to her.

“You know what this is?” I ask.

She shakes her head.

“That’s a plan that Cooper, Emmett, Dirwin and I came up with. A plan. Your brother was in on it too, though I don’t think he really thought that anything was going to happen with it. I think he thought the same thing you have,” I say, my shoulders slumping. “But I’ve wanted you for months.”

She reads it, her eyes scanning the chicken scratch and crossed out words.

“I told them that I wanted to be a better man for you, Briar, and I’ve worked every single day since then to make sure that I am. I’ve gone to therapy. I’ve focused on myself, you, and Elara. I’ve done the work, day in and day out, so that I can be a man who deserves you for once. Because I don’t fuckingwantanyone else. I don’twantto be that man anymore. I want to know my worth, I want to live this life without regrets, and dammit, I want you, Sunny.”

Briar’s brown eyes meet mine, her bottom lip trembling. “I just don’t want to get hurt, Leo.”

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