Page 39 of How to Prevent a Fumble

Cooper rolls his eyes. “Yeah, okay man. Keep telling yourself that.”

“It’s true!”

“Anyways, you guys make sure you’re nice to him so he visits more. The asshole ditched me and moved to Seattle. Who the hell would move all the way toSeattle?”

“It’s where my girlfriend is from!” he laughs.

“No excuses,” Cooper says, dramatically throwing his arm up to stop him from speaking.

Damon turns to us. “I’m only here for a couple days. My girlfriend’s here visiting some friends in DC.”

“She let him out for a night, thank god. She’s got his balls firmly in her grasp, seriously.” Cooper whispers.

“She does not!”

“It’s okay bro. We all know way too much about each other’s balls here.” Cooper thinks for a moment as a shot is placed in front of him. He takes it, making a face before slamming the glass on the table. “And nipples, too. Like Crosby over there. He was so whipped he got his nips pierced for his girl.”

Owen groans. “I told you a million times. What was she supposed to do?”

“Can we stop talking about this?” I ask, shuddering. Reliving that entire story isn’t something I want to do right now.

“I’m telling you, man, I know what each and every Cobra nipple looks like. Can spot them from miles away.”

“You’re a real nipple expert, Cooper.”

He places his hand on his heart. “Thank you, Warner. That means a lot.”

“You really need to start getting the recognition you deserve.”

“You know, that’s exactly what I think, too. There’s little recognition around here.”

More food arrives at the table, and the more the drinks flow, the more shitfaced Cooper gets.

And the more I drink.

It doesn’t take long for Cooper to force us all into a bar, and more drinks flow.

“Alright guys,” Damon says, setting his beer down. “It’s time for me to get home to Amelia. It was great to see you again, Coop,” he tells us, getting up and giving Cooper a hug. By this point Cooper is absolutely shit faced, the biggest grin across his face.

“Yeah man, please visit again soon. Tell Amelia hi for me. I can’t wait to meet her one of these days.”

Damon smirks, but I’m not totally sure why.

After fist bumping all of us, Damon heads out of the bar, but a lot of the party is still here.

“I think I’m going to head out too,” Owen says, looking at his phone.

Cooper pouts. “You guys all get girlfriends and immediately become no fun.”

Owen laughs. “I don’t think that’s it, bud. We have a game in a couple days.”

With a dramatic eye roll, Cooper throws back another shot. “That we probably won’t be suiting up for.”

“Still have to deal with coach, and I don’t feel like throwing up for the next couple days.

Owen doesn’t drink that much. He gets the worst hangovers.

And honestly I do too. I just don’t make good choices.

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