Page 40 of Our Secret Summer

Connor covered his eyes, as though a naked picture of Raffo was the worst thing he’d ever seen, and turned the screen toward Dylan.

And then there she was. On their last day in Big Bear, in that weird headspace of knowing what they had to do and clinging onto the last shreds of rebellion in their hearts, Raffo and Dylan had posed naked for each other. Raffo had instigated it, claiming she might need a nude picture of Dylan when her mojo disappeared again—and how could Dylan say no to that?

But Dylan had most certainly not transferred that photo to her iPad. How the hell did it get on there and, more importantly, what was she supposed to say to Connor? More lies or the truth? Dylan couldn’t lie anymore and she was certain, in every fiber of her being, and despite the inevitable fallout, that Raffo wouldn’t want her to lie either. She’d want for that picture to never have appeared on Dylan’s iPad screen, but that could no longer be undone.

Dylan took a breath, ignoring the hot shame burning her cheeks, and said, “I’m sorry. You were not supposed to see that.”

“Duh. What the hell, Mom?” Connor screwed his eyes shut. “But I can’t unsee it.”

“Look, we—” Dylan started, but she didn’t know how to say this, how to explain it to her son in a way that he could understand, let alone accept. “It must have synced from my phone. We took some pictures in Big Bear. It was?—”

“Nude pictures?” Connor threw the iPad on the table and started pacing. “Why?”

Dylan could spin a tale of Raffo needing them for inspiration, but it would all just be more lies. She’d lied enough to the person she loved most in the world—her son.

“Raffo and I, we, um, we had a thing at the lake house, but it’s all over now, so we don’t need to make a big song and dance about it, darling.”Yeah right.Connor was nothing if not a drama queen.

His eyes went wide. “What’s a ‘thing’?” He shook his head. “It better not be what I think a thing is.”

“An affair. A summer fling,” Dylan admitted and it felt horribly awkward but strangely relieving at the same time.

“Sex?” He said it as though it was the most disgusting word he’d ever uttered in his life. “You had sex with Raffo?” He looked as disgusted as he sounded. “That’s just not possible, Mom. I mean—” He shook his head vigorously, as though the harder he shook it, the more he could undo it all. “You’re, like… you’re my mom,” he croaked. “You can’t have an affair with my best friend. No. That didn’t happen. Please, tell me that didn’t actually happen.”

“Look, darling, what happened doesn’t matter. It’s over. It’s not a thing anymore. All that’s left of it is that picture.” And that painting in her bedroom and all the mad yearning in Dylan’s heart.

“Of course it matters. You slept with my best friend. For how long? Was it just once?”

“Con, please, calm down. Take a breath. You’re upset.”

“Of course I’m upset. Wouldn’t you be upset if you found out I slept with… I don’t know. Whoever your best male friend is.” He dropped his head in his hands.

“Yes, of course, but still. Please, sit.”

“With Pete,” Connor said, lifting his head. “Or with Carl.” He refused to take a seat, while continuing to name all of Dylan’s male friends and acquaintances. “Or Kevin. Ugh,” he said.

Dylan let him run out of steam. She’d have to call Raffo as soon as Connor left. If he was going to be railing like this to her, after what she’d already been through with Mia today, she needed a heads-up.

Connor finally sagged against the kitchen island, his elbows gliding along its smooth surface. “All this time, you’ve just been lying to me more. Both of you.” That was the real kicker. What hurt him the most. Two people he was meant to trust with his life had, again, kept something crucial from him.

“Darling, sometimes a lie is kinder than the truth. You didn’t want to know this.”

“But I do know,” he said on a sigh.

“It was just… comfort,” Dylan lied. “We were both hurt and depressed and… we were there. It was more a proximity thing than anything else.” Of all the lies she’d told, this one felt the worst—and the most untrue.

“I just can’t wrap my head around it, Mom. I just can’t.”

“That’s okay. You don’t have to.” Dylan could barely wrap her own head around it, and she’d been a part of it.

“Did you… seduce her? Take advantage of the vulnerable state Raffo was in?”

“No!” Dylan took great offense at that and she made sure Connor could hear it in her voice. “Of course not.”

“I just don’t get how this happened.” Connor inhaled sharply and took a long time expelling his breath.

“Sometimes, in life, things happen that you don’t get, or don’t want to have happened, or…” This was hardly the time for a life lesson, but Dylan was only trying, with the tiny amount of energy she had left after… everything.

“But it’s really over?” Connor fixed his gaze on Dylan. “You haven’t been carrying on behind my back all this time?” It was a fair enough question under the circumstances.

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