Page 37 of Our Secret Summer

“We were both in Big Bear nursing our wounds and we spent a lot of time together. We talked a lot. Shared a lot. And then one night, it just happened. We slept together. And then it proved impossible to stop, even though we tried. The only way to stop was to leave Big Bear and come home, which we did. That was a week ago and I’ve been losing my mind ever since.”

“You haven’t been in touch since you left Big Bear?” Tiffany wasn’t one to judge.

Dylan shook her head.

“Did you tell her how you feel about her?”

“Yes and no. I might have alluded to it being more than sex for me, but we never expanded on that. And I didn’t want to make a big love declaration before leaving, before jumping back into our real lives. That hardly seemed fair. And also because it doesn’t matter. It’s not like we can ever be together.”

“Because of Connor.” Tiffany nodded her understanding.

“Yes, most of all, but also because she’s only thirty-two and she just came out of a long-term relationship that ended badly and… there are so many reasons, but mainly Connor, of course. Yes.” As long as Dylan could focus on her son, and the effect her ridiculous feelings for his best friend would have on him, she could keep it somewhat together.

“I’m sorry, Dyl. I’m sorry you feel that way about someone you can’t be with.” Dylan had known Tiffany would never try to talk her into giving into her feelings—because she didn’t believe in love-at-all-cost like that and because she was Connor’s aunt.

“I’ll get over it.” Dylan gazed into her tea. “I just wish I was over it already.” Dylan couldn’t believe she’d been the one claiming it wouldn’t be as hard as they thought it was going to be—it was so much harder.

“Do you wish Raffo had never shown up at Big Bear?”

“No way. I wouldn’t have missed that for the world.”

“What’s so special about her, anyway?” Tiffany asked.

What’s not?“She’s been through so much in her life yet she carries herself with such grace and…” There were things Dylan couldn’t share, even with her best friend. “She’s so crazily talented. I watched her paint. It was like watching pure magic unfold, no tricks needed.” The first piece Raffo had painted for Dylan stood in her bedroom for now, although Dylan knew she’d have to put it somewhere else so as not to be constantly reminded of Raffo. It was just like their clandestine affair. She wanted to keep it and cherish it so badly, but she couldn’t because of the possible consequences. “But mostly, she’s just such a joy to be around. She’s so calm and down-to-earth and serene and…” Dylan let her eyes fall shut. Instantly, on the back of her eyelids, an image of Raffo in one of the Adirondack chairs by the lake materialized. Her still face. The way her dark gaze would light up when Dylan approached. Dylan quickly opened her eyes again. “I don’t know how to get over someone like that.”

Tiff regarded her intently. “You didn’t feel worthy of her?” She had a knack for cutting to the chase.

“No, because I felt like such a fuck-up when I arrived in Big Bear. Such a loser. And I was a mother lying to her son. But Raffo, she… she liked me, just for me.”And maybe for my breasts and my legs.“But, in the end, I have to be realistic about that as well. She was so hurt. Her break-up really devastated her. I’m smart enough to know that I was also a distraction for her—from her heartache. But, um, the sex… My god, Tiff.”

“That good, huh?” Tiffany sipped from her tea stoically. She reminded Dylan of Raffo—or maybe it had been the other way around. They both had a calmness about them that Dylan enjoyed. Tiffany was the opposite of a dramatic person—maybe because, like Raffo, she’d been through a thing or two in her life as well.

“Out of this world.” Dylan used up so much precious energy trying not to think of Raffo in bed, of how she looked when she surrendered but, most of all, of how she looked when she did the opposite of surrender. It sent a shiver down her spine every single time.

“I wish I could give you some sage advice, but I don’t think I have any,” Tiff admitted. “The only thing you can do is live your life and let time go by. Many hearts have been healed like that.”

“I have a lot to do in that respect,” Dylan said on a sigh. “To sort out my life.”

“On the bright side,” Tiffany said. “You’re on the cusp of sixty. You know this will pass. You’re not a teenager unable to control your hormones. You have experience and the kind of wisdom that can only come with age. Use it to your advantage.”

Dylan didn’t feel wise or that life experience could help her get over Raffo more quickly. She just missed her every second of every day.

“Thanks, Tiff.”

“And you have me,” Tiffany said. “Whenever you feel like you might do something… unwise. Call me. Come and see me. We’ll talk it through.”

If only it were that easy, Dylan thought, even though she had no choice but to do just that.

CHAPTER 27

In many respects, almost three weeks after Big Bear, life seemed to be falling into place. Raffo had signed the licensing deal with Over The Rainbow. In a few days’ time, her bank account would reach an all-time high. She had an option on a Craftsman in Silver Lake, just five minutes from Connor’s place. She’d had the most amazing Zoom call with Dolores from the Dolores Flemming Gallery in Chicago who had sung her praises until Raffo’s cheeks burned so hotly, she could barely take it.

In other respects, things were stalling. She hadn’t been able to bring herself to face Mia, too afraid of what seeing her might do to her. She’d used the Over The Rainbow money as an excuse, because it would be more than plenty for a deposit on a house of her own. Raffo knew she and Mia needed to sell their house eventually—she wasn’t just going to let Mia keep it as a reward for falling in love with someone else—but she preferred to practice avoidance for now. Before she spoke to Mia, Raffo would like to paint something she could be happy with—like the two paintings she’d made in Big Bear.

Raffo’d had an inkling from the start that the spectacular—and ultra-swift—return of her mojo in Big Bear was tied to that particular place—to the lake house and its gorgeous occupant. Her studio had always been her sanctuary, even more so now she’d left the home she’d shared with Mia. Raffo had always thrived there. She’d fallen for the space as soon as she’d laid eyes on it. For the light most of all, because it was always what was most important. But this was not the same light as Dylan’s porch in Big Bear. And Dylan wasn’t prancing around in her skimpy bikini. There were no delicious cooking smells coming from the kitchen. And the only picture Raffo wanted to paint—Dylan, naked in bed, that sultry half-smile on her face—was the one she most certainly wasn’t allowed to paint. Only if she wanted to give Connor a heart attack.

Raffo had begun drawing a puffy cloud in the vague shape of a snoozing cat, but she thought it was too childish, too not-her, too not what she so desperately wanted to paint. Her heart wasn’t in it and it was as though her mojo knew this.

“I thought I’d find you here.” Out of nowhere, and just like that—as though time had rewound itself a couple of months—Mia appeared in the doorway of her studio. Raffo’s paintbrush clattered against the easel, leaving a stark blue streak across her abandoned cloud.

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