Page 41 of Our Secret Summer

Dylan shook her head. “I haven’t seen Raffo, nor spoken to her, since I left Big Bear.”

“That’s why she didn’t want to come to dinner. That’s why you haven’t acted like the friends you claimed to have become at the lake house. But fuck, Mom, I never would have guessed this.”

“I know. It’s a lot. I’m sorry.” It felt odd to apologize for something she had enjoyed so much, but Connor deserved the apology. Unwanted, he stood in the middle of this whole mess. “For everything.” Dylan was still apologizing for keeping her financial embarrassment from him as well, making her feel like the worst mother in the world.

“Oh, Mom.” Connor just stood there, speechlessly processing the second bombshell Dylan had dropped on him. “Is there anything else, now that we’re getting into it?”

“No.” Except that Dylan couldn’t get Raffo out of her head, but she—wisely—didn’t share that information. “I promise.”

“What am I going to say to Raffo when I get home?” His eyes were pleading, as though he genuinely had no idea how to talk to his best friend any longer.

“Just give her a break if you can.” Dylan’s voice softened despite herself. “She’s been through so much.”

“Argh.” Connor pushed the heels of his hands against his eyes. “The most unseemly images are flashing through my brain.”

“I know this is not something you ever wanted to hear and that it’s shocking.” Dylan kept her voice steady, measured. She smoothed her hand over the kitchen towel, a nervous gesture she’d had since Connor was small. “But in the end, we were simply two consenting adults who liked each other.”

“A lot, apparently.” Connor’s jaw tightened.

“Raffo’s pretty amazing,” Dylan allowed herself to say—the full truth, for once.

“That she is.” Connor swallowed slowly, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. “I get that you would be attracted to Raffo but, no offense, Mom, that it would be mutual?” He shook his head as though Raffo wanting to be with Dylan was the biggest head-scratcher he’d ever faced in his life.

It was hard not to be a little offended, but Connor was upset, so Dylan could hardly hold it against him.

“What I mean is that I just don’t see you that way. Since Dad, all you’ve ever been with are these mediocre middle-aged men and now… Raffo? Just like that?”

“You know I’m bi,” Dylan said, weakly, not protesting the characterization of her previous relationships.

“Intellectually, I do know that, but I’ve never seen you with a woman… and now suddenly my brain has to parse you and Raffo all over each other at the lake house. Maybe if it was anyone else, but not Raffo. She’s my best friend, Mom. No, she’s more than that. I won’t say she’s like a sister to me, coz, ew, gross, but we work very closely together. We tell each other everything… until now. I had no idea. She’s been back, living with me for three weeks, and I had no fucking clue.”

“I know. I’m sorry. We had to make the decision very early on that we would never willingly tell you. That we had to protect you from that.”

“Early on? Do you mean you were sleeping together all the time you were there? Raffo was in Big Bear for five weeks.”

“Not all the time,” Dylan said.

“And if I hadn’t seen that picture? You would have lied to me for the rest of my life?” He sounded more deflated than dramatic.

“It’s hard to say, darling.” Dylan resisted the urge to hug him—this was not a time for physical affection.

He heaved a sigh. “I don’t feel like going home and having this conversation all over again with Raffo.”

“You’re very welcome to stay here.”

“I don’t want that either. Besides, Raffo’s waiting for me. She has to process this Mia-business that went down today.” He nodded, as though he suddenly understood something. “She was hurting and you’re very caring and motherly. That does make sense to me. That it must have been comforting for Raffo in that respect.” He pulled a face again. Poor Connor. He wasn’t supposed to be thinking of scenes like that involving his own mother. “I think I’m going to go now.”

“Don’t be a stranger, you hear me?” Dylan did put a hand on her son’s shoulder now. “I’ll call you tomorrow to check in.”

“I love you, Mom, and I want you to be happy, but…” He took her hand in his. “Should I be worried about you? Clearly, you haven’t been yourself these past few months. Are you okay? Like, truly? No more lies. No more protecting me. I’m a big boy. I can take it.”

“Oh, Con.” Something inside Dylan crumbled. “I’m okay. I’m fine. I just made some not-so-good decisions, but you don’t have to worry about me.”

“The worst thing,” Connor said, his voice shaky, “is that I’m not sure I believe you. That Icanbelieve you.”

Dylan deserved that, perhaps, but it still broke her heart into a million pieces.

CHAPTER 29

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