Page 61 of Nothing Heals Me Like You Do

But then the moment had finally come—the moment Justine had not dared to believe would ever arrive again. Sienna’s tongue skated against her wildly pulsing clit, and Justine could finally surrender. She could finally let go. She could let her own tears stream down her cheeks—just this once.

For all the confusion in her brain about what this was. For all that she had lost and all the love she had been denied, but had also denied herself and others.

Was this love? It sure felt like it. But if it was, why did Justine allow herself to give in to it now? Why wasn’t she protecting herself? And even if it was love, this didn’t mean that she and Sienna were dating again or would ever get back together.

Justine might have bottomless reserves of understanding because she knew how devastating life could be, but she got confused too. Her feelings for Sienna perplexed her. She usually didn’t let things get this far—Marcy had been a stark reminder of that. She had fucked up with Sienna as well, yet the tip of Sienna’s tongue was driving her to greater heights as the seconds ticked away. Maybe they were just two people who needed each other at this specific time in their lives. Justine didn’t know. She had no clue. All she knew was that, with just a few more divine strokes of her tongue, Sienna was about to make her come.

“Oh, baby,” Justine groaned, digging her fingertips into the flesh of Sienna’s shoulders. “Oh, fuck.” It was so easy—too easy—to surrender to Sienna’s touch. To everything about Sienna. And maybe Justine did know, even though it scared her more than anything.

Thiswaslove.

She may come to regret it, but she loved Sienna. She loved who she was and what she stood for. She loved the depths of her dark gaze and that flicker of light in it, earlier, when she came. She loved how she was so unafraid to get what she wanted. She loved how she played Rochelle. She loved the sound of her gentle snoring when she slept in Justine’s arms. She loved all those things about Sienna in such a way that she had a hard time imagining her life without it.

More than anything, right now, she loved the pure pleasure Sienna was giving her. Because she was very good at that. Just as that bubble of tension dissolved in Justine’s belly, as it transformed into a joyous sparkle spreading throughout her entire body, Sienna gave her the ‘much more’ she had promised earlier. She slipped her fingers inside Justine, intensifying her climax, stretching it out, wave after delicious wave, until Justine’s body sank into the mattress, drained but utterly satisfied.

Sienna wiped off her mouth with the back of her hand and the sight was so sexy, so lustful and brazen, it made Justine want her all over again, despite being totally spent.

“Come here,” Justine said, not caring that her cheeks were still wet with tears. “I need to tell you something.”

Sienna crawled into her arms and looked at her.

“I’m more in love with you than ever before,” Justine said.

She watched how Sienna swallowed hard. She didn’t say anything back, not that Justine expected her to. Sienna looked her in the eye, though. She wasn’t one to avert her gaze when it mattered—another something Justine loved about her. Seconds ticked away in a silence that grew more and more strained.

“We should probably talk now,” Sienna said, instantly sucking all the romance out of the air—and dashing most of Justine’s hope.

“I didn’t say that to pressure you into anything,” Justine was quick to say. “It was probably just that climax talking.” Ah, there was good old Justine again. Where had she been hiding the past few days? The past few weeks and months since she’d met Sienna and let herself get carried away like that?

“I need a shower.” As though suddenly in a hurry, Sienna jumped out of bed and rushed into the bathroom.

Maybe it’s for the best, Justine thought. Because despite meaning every word of what she’d just said to Sienna—and the love she felt for her—Justine also knew herself. She knew all too well she wasn’t cut out for this and, obviously, Sienna had caught on to that as well.

Chapter34

“The thing is,” Sienna said, trying to reproduce the speech she had put together in her head while in the shower, “that I can’t be trusted either right now. I’m grieving and I’m all over the place.” She took a slow sip of coffee. “Clearly, I’m drawn to you.”

Like a moth to a fucking flame. Sienna couldn’t stay away. She couldn’t even sleep in a bed that Justine wasn’t in. “And I have feelings for you. Of course I do. But…”It’s all just such a mess right now. “I don’t expect you to change for me. I don’t expect that of anyone. I’ve learned from having the father that I had that is a completely unrealistic expectation.” Sienna looked away from Justine. From her kind blue gaze and her hair that always looked so sexy when she just got out of the shower, all wet and slicked back, accentuating her high cheekbones. “But I also don’t expect myself to change. I don’t want to go into too much psychobabble about this but, probably because of my absent daddy issues, I need to come first. I certainly don’t want to feel like I’m in a contest for your attention with underprivileged kids. Because that makes me a terrible person. Maybe I am a terrible person. The point is that I don’t want to be questioning that about myself every other day just because I am with you.”

“You are not a terrible person,” Justine said. “Trust me, I’ve come across plenty of those and you are absolutely not one of them.”

“I know I’m not, but that didn’t stop me from feeling like I was after the funeral.” She rolled her eyes, mostly at herself. “I’m so over that. It’s fine. I get it. You had to be there for Ashleigh. But I can’t ignore how it made me feel when you weren’t there.” She shook her head. “And I do forgive you. Of course, I forgive you, even though I said last night that this wasn’t forgiveness. I have forgiven you, because this is who you are and that’s not something you need to be forgiven for. Both you and Rochelle warned me about this and I ignored it because I was attracted to you and then I was falling in love with you and you were always there. I had no reason to believe it was even true. Until I did.”

Sienna took a breath. Was she making this too complicated because she couldn’t think straight? She was here, for crying out loud. What was she even doing at Justine’s house if she didn’t want to be with her? Being with Justine, being in her physical presence, in her arms and in her bed, was exactly what she wanted. It was what came after that scared her to death. It was the possible future hurt she couldn’t deal with right now. Not when she was still reeling from her dad’s death. The prospect of it was simply too much.

Justine rose and walked over to Sienna. She went to stand behind her as she sat at the counter and put her fingertips against the sides of Sienna’s head. “It’s been a lot, and you might be getting a bit lost in here.” Justine gently swept her fingertips along Sienna’s temples. “I think what we have is not very rational,” Justine whispered, but her voice was clear—commanding even. “Last week, when you couldn’t sleep, your body brought you here. Your deepest self made you come here. Listen to your body instead of all of those thoughts in your head. Most of the time, our body knows best.”

Even after what Sienna had just said, confessing to her doubts about being with Justine after she’d welcomed her into her home and her bed every single day, Justine’s empathy knew no bounds. She let the back of her head fall against Justine’s chest.

“How about…” Justine massaged Sienna’s head. “We just take it day by day? What else can we do, anyway?” She slanted forward so she could meet Sienna’s gaze. “Walk away from this?”

Fuck no, Sienna thought. She wasn’t walking away from this. She was keeping Justine firmly in the center of her life. Sienna shook her head. “I get the feeling you wouldn’t let me walk away,” she joked, just to lighten the mood, then tilted her head back so she could see Justine’s expression.

“That’s not true. Do whatever you feel is right for you, but I meant what I said earlier.” There was not a hint of a smile on Justine’s face.

I’m more in love with you than ever before.The words might as well be etched into Sienna’s brain. For some reason, they had scared the living daylights out of her. Sienna tilted her head forward, away from Justine’s gaze, and took a breath. She was in love with Justine as well, but both of them having strong feelings for each other wasn’t as simple, as straightforward, as two plus two equaling four. There was so much else at play here. And Sienna’s head was still a mess.

“Okay.” Sienna nodded and pushed herself out of the chair. She turned to fully face Justine, to look her in the eye when she said, “One day at a time. Let’s do that.”

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