Page 54 of Nothing Heals Me Like You Do

“Thanks for, um, agreeing to?—”

“Is that your ex?” Sienna asked.

“Oh, Marcy? Yeah. I ran into her on set.” She pursed her lips. “She’s dating Mimi’s daughter now. Small world, right?”

For the first time since seeing Justine with Marcy, Sienna could properly breathe again. She had been irrationally jealous. But so what? She was also still angry at Justine.

“Hey, um,” Justine said when Sienna didn’t reply. “I haven’t had the chance to properly tell you how sorry I am for not being at your dad’s funeral. I am really sorry, Sienna. I need you to know that.”

“It made me feel I can’t trust you,” Sienna said.

“I get that, but—” Justine took a step closer.

In response, Sienna stepped back. She didn’t want to stand closer to Justine. She wasn’t sure what it might do to her. Justine was looking all Justine again with her practical clothes and chaotically pushed back hair, impossibly regal and righteous all at the same time, despite being in the middle of an apology to Sienna.

“It made me feel like you don’t have my back because I’m not important enough to you,” Sienna said. “That’s not how I want to feel when I’m dating someone.” Not at this stage, anyway. Sienna was all for trying to win over someone seemingly impenetrable—someone exactly like Justine—at the beginning of a relationship, but when push came to shove, they had to show up for her. That was the ultimate pay-off. And Justine had failed the biggest test life had thrown at her—at them.

“There’s not much I can say to make this better. I did what I did and I can’t rewind the clock and do things differently. But sometimes our actions don’t reflect how we feel, because I hate that I made you feel like you’re not important to me. Because you are. You’re so important to me. You must know that.”

Justine was right about one thing. Nothing she said could change what she had done. On top of that, what she was saying now was totally inadequate and didn’t make a blind bit of difference to Sienna.

“I’m not just angry at you for leaving me in the lurch like that.” When Sienna lay awake, counting slow minutes through another sleepless night, the image of that empty chair at the church often came back to her—the very symbol of Justine’s glaring absence. “I’m also angry because my anger makes me feel like a selfish brat after what happened to Ashleigh. It’s not that I don’t get that you wanted to be there for her. That’s who you are. I know that. It’s one of the reasons I’m so attracted to you. But you’ve still made this impossible for me.”

“It was kind of an impossible situation,” Justine said, her voice nothing more than a broken whisper.

“Yeah.” Sienna swallowed something out of her throat. “It’s sad because I really like you. But I don’t want to be with you anymore. I can’t. That would be a big mistake and really stupid of me. I know that much.” A tear dangled from Sienna’s eyelash and crashed onto her cheek. “I’m not going to give you my heart to have you trample all over it again next time the situation is impossible. I can’t count on life being easy that way. And I can’t count on you either.” Sienna tried to steady herself by taking a deep breath. If she stayed here any longer, the waterworks would start churning uncontrollably. “I’m going back to my family.” She walked past Justine to the door.

“Sienna, please.” Justine tried to grab Sienna’s hand, but Sienna avoided her grasp. She had to get out of there pronto. She had to get away from Justine—she had to protect herself.

Chapter30

“It’s okay,” Mimi said. “We’ll do another take after you’ve had a longer break.”

Sienna closed her eyes. She was so tired, she could fall asleep right there, dressed as Rochelle in her mid-thirties, on theGimme Shelterset. That’s what if felt like in that moment, but the truth was that Sienna couldn’t sleep to save her life. Not here, not anywhere, and certainly not in bed at night.

The last time’s she’d gotten more than a few hours of uninterrupted sleep was the last night Justine had stayed with her, when she’d slept in her arms.

Sienna glanced over at Rochelle for some moral support. She was fucking up the scene and she knew it. Everyone was very understanding about it because it was Sienna’s first day back on set, but if her father had taught her anything, it was to always turn up as a pro. Ironically, it was his fault that Sienna was failing spectacularly at being a professional today.

“Come here.” Rochelle beckoned her over.

Sienna walked over and Rochelle put her arm around Sienna’s shoulders.

“It’s going to be okay. You just need some more time. This is completely normal,” Rochelle said, but she wasn’t in charge of the shooting schedule, which had already been stretched to its limits in order to give Sienna some much needed time off.

They walked to Sienna’s trailer. “If only I could get some fucking proper sleep.” It wasn’t just a lack of sleep that made Sienna a horrible actor today. It was being back here, working on this movie about Justine’s life, and having to act opposite Alexis-as-Justine that was messing with her head as well as her ability.

“Can I ask you something?” Sienna looked at Rochelle. The more time they spent together, the more she’d grown to appreciate her.

“Of course.” Rochelle smiled at Sienna. “Anything.”

“Do you think I’m being too hard on Justine?”

Rochelle shook her head. “That’s not a question I can answer. I know what she’s like, but she’s my best friend.”

“I should have listened to you when you warned me about her.”

Rochelle shook her head again. “Since when have mere words ever stopped anyone from falling in love? Words don’t have that kind of power.”

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