Page 89 of The Love We Make

“You wouldn’t be the first person to hold themself to an impossible standard,” Mimi says. “Not by a long shot.” Her chest heaves below me as she sighs. “We all do it, but most of us haven’t had paparazzi cameras aimed at our every move for the better part of our lives.”

My chin bumps against Mimi’s shoulder as I nod. Even though I’m trying to express something difficult, something that has seeped into my bones so deeply, it has become an elemental part of me, the only tension I feel in my body comes from her stroking my skin—from the effect she has on me that way.

Because Mimi gets it. I don’t have to explain myself to her over and over. I don’t have to spell out why I’ve made my life small and slow, and why the kind of life I’ve chosen for myself makes me happy. That, for me, it’s a good life—my best life—because when nothing is ever straightforward, when there’s always some kind of alarm going off in the back of your brain, small and slow makes things manageable.

Although my life has felt a lot less small since I’ve let Mimi in with her big heart—and her big family.

“Are you ready to have those cameras aimed at you?” I ask, because it’s only a matter of time. We’ve been careful and stealthy, but sooner rather than later, someone’s going to clock that the executive I’m spending so much time with isn’t just the CEO of our show’s production company.

Mimi sighs again. “I can just picture the headlines already.” Her chest puffs up beneath my cheek as she inhales. “Nora Levine Likes Them Older.” She chuckles and I can’t tell whether it’s a real laugh or more of a nervous one. “My age in between brackets after every mention of my name, of course, because it’s just so damn important.”

“I’m fifty-one.” I hardly think Mimi’s age will be the headline. “It’s really not that big a deal.” I curl my arm around her a little tighter. “And I love that you’re older than me.”

“I gathered.” With the way her chest bounces below me, this particular laugh can only be very real.

I wish it wouldn’t be news that I’m in a relationship. Millions of people start new relationships every single day. But through a couple of twists of fate, I have become that elusive one-in-a-million person that the world can’t stop caring about. I should be flattered the mere mention of my name is enough to sell a few extra magazines, yet I don’t wish it on anyone—especially not on the woman I love.

Mimi’s body stills. “Whatever comes next, we’ll face it together,” she says. “And it’s going to be okay because of that. Because we have each other.”

Lying in her arms like this, safely ensconced in her warm embrace, I’m very much inclined to believe every word she says.

CHAPTER40

MIMI

“Where’s Nora?” Jennifer asks on Sunday morning.

“She had a thing.” I can’t hold it against my kids that Nora’s whereabouts always seem so important to them. Even though it’s been a few weeks now, they’re still processing that their mother and Nora Levine are dating. They’re a few more weeks, perhaps months, removed from being able to see Nora as just Nora, as just another human. Witnessing their continued reaction to her helps me understand Nora better. It’s easy enough to judge, but when you haven’t lived someone’s life, if you haven’t experienced all their ups and downs, it’s impossible to know what it’s really like.

“Mom!” Austin bursts through the back door. “You’re on the front page of TMZ.”

My muscles tense, because just as my kids aren’t used to their mother dating Nora Levine, I’m not used to seeing my face on the cover of a magazine—or on the front page of a gossip website.

Austin shows me his phone. Nora and I haven’t officially stepped out together, but we aren’t locked away in our houses either. We are working women with places to go and people to see. Some sneaky paparazzo has managed to snap a blurry picture of us after we exited a restaurant together.

“Oh well.” Despite my initial worry, it’s fairly easy to shake off. Although Austin tends to get worked up about these things. He has set a Google alert for my name in combination with Nora’s. “Is it just you, darling?” I change the subject.

“Juan’s at the Center.”

“Nora is coming over for Christmas, right?” Jennifer asks, helping me change the topic. “Or are we all invited to her house?” Her voice goes up in pitch.

“Forget it,” Austin says. “Every Christmas Day, Nora throws a big party at the LGBT Center for everyone who has no family to celebrate with.”

“Oh.” I guess Jennifer can’t argue with that.

“Nora’s coming over on Christmas Eve.” I was planning on having this conversation later, over a meal, but I might as well announce this break with tradition now.

“Christmas Eve?” Jennifer scrunches her lips.

“I was thinking we’d do things a little differently this year.” I send my daughter a consolatory smile. “How about we go to Nora’s party at the LGBT Center on Christmas Day instead?”

“I’m up for that,” Austin says—that was probably his plan already.

“We can have our family dinner on Christmas Eve, with Nora, Juan, and Imani.” Juan and Imani might as well be family now—they and Nora come as a package, just like I do with mine. “Then go to Nora’s party at the LGBT Center on Christmas Day.”

“Sure.” Jennifer shrugs. “Lauren and Heather aren’t here, anyway.” She perks up. “And I get to spend Christmas with Nora Levine.” Her eyes light up. “Do any of the otherHigh Lifecast members go to this party?”

“It’s not a glitzy celebrity affair,” Austin says, sounding earnest. “It’s a party, yes, but most of the people there have been rejected by their families. Christmas is triggering for them. Nora just wants to make them feel a little better.”

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