Page 90 of The Love We Make

“All right. I get it.” Jennifer looks at me. “What about Nora’s family? Are they visiting?”

“Nora’s family is complicated, darling.” I’ve learned to let Nora set the pace of the conversations we have about her family, because they areherfamily, not mine. “As far as I know, they won’t be coming over.”

“Did you know,” Austin says, “that Juan and Imani are lifelong beneficiaries of a trust set up by Nora, no strings attached whatsoever?”

I didn’t know that. I also don’t know why Austin is suddenly enlightening us with this nugget of information—nor do I know why Nora hasn’t told me, although getting to know her better, it makes sense that she hasn’t.

“Well, duh,” Jennifer says. “They don’t exactly have regular jobs.”

“They volunteer at the LGBT Center all the time.” Austin glares at his sister. “Not everyone’s as privileged as you, you know?”

“Me?” Jennifer returns his glare with an annoyed stare. “What about you?”

“I’m just saying that not everyone has a mom like Mom.” Austin’s the first to back down. He turns to me and sends me a wink that melts my maternal heart. “The stories I’ve heard from Juan.” He shakes his head. “It makes me extremely aware of my privilege.”

“In that case, it will be my privilege to spend Christmas Day at the LGBT Center,” Jennifer says. “With Nora,” she adds, under her breath.

A few moments later, Heather and Lauren arrive with their husbands and kids. It’s the last time we’re all together before they head off to spend the holidays with their respective families-in-law. We’ll have a big St James dinner at their father’s house when they’re back. I’m not sure yet if Nora will be up for that, although I sure would like to have her there with me. But even if she decides not to come, Nora opening herself up to me again after the Thanksgiving disaster, is the best Christmas present I could ever hope for.

CHAPTER41

NORA

For someone who dislikes parties so much, I’m in my element today. I feel more at home here at the LGBT Center, between the misfits and the outcasts, than at a Hollywood premiere party. Not because I feel I’m better than anyone here—on the contrary. Being here makes me feel connected to other humans in a way that rarely happens.

Everyone wants a piece of me this afternoon, but I knew it was going to be like this, and I have plenty of time to recover after—and, this year, Mimi’s here. When I catch her glance from across the room, a delicious blend of heat and comfort shoots through me.

Marcy’s making her way over to Mimi. I wish I could hear the conversation they’re about to have, but I’m being accosted by Austin and Jennifer.

“We would really like to volunteer here as well,” Austin says. Of all the St James kids, he’s most at ease with me, which makes sense because we’ve spent more time together because of Juan. “If the Center will have us.”

“I’m sure you’ll be welcomed with open arms.” I point at Imani who is discussing something with the chairperson of the board. “Imani’s the woman to talk to about volunteering.”

“I’ll go do that right now.” Austin saunters off, leaving me with Jennifer. I would understand Mimi’s kids being a bit wary of me being with their mother after I didn’t show up for Thanksgiving. Mimi’s not one to keep secrets from her kids. She told me that she couldn’t hide her pain from them, because they’re her family and they love her.

I glance over at Mimi again, who’s gesticulating wildly as she explains something to Marcy. I’m dying to find out what the topic of their lively conversation is—maybe Marcy’s trying to convince Mimi to hit the gym with me and Mimi is summing up all the reasons why that’s an insane proposition. I can’t help but crack a little smile.

Now that we have this rare moment alone, part of me expects Jennifer to grill me about my intentions toward her mother, but she just smiles at me, and says, “This is so wonderful, Nora. As if I could adore you any more.”

Although I seem to have endless credit with all the St James kids, I wasn’t expecting that. Nor was I expecting to fall for Mimi.

The chairperson taps a microphone. She thanks everyone for coming, then beckons me over. Time for my speech.

“Don’t worry, we’ll sit to eatveryshortly,” I say. “But before we do, I’d like to say a few words.” Public speaking is a far cry from acting, from playing a character in the hyper-controlled environment of a set, but I’ve been speaking here for so many years, it doesn’t make me nervous any longer.

I find Mimi’s gaze. Marcy’s still standing next to her. Mimi sends me a quick wink. Never in a million years had I expected to bring a significant other to this party, let alone two of her kids. I cast my gaze over the people looking at me. Most likely, none of them ever expected to spend Christmas at a place like this, away from their blood families. If me being here can light up this difficult day for them even for a few minutes, it’s worth it. If serving them a restaurant-quality meal will add an ounce of joy to their lives, it’s worth it. If all of us being here together, in the glowing warmth this gathering creates, adds a tiny extra shred of dignity to their lives, it’s everything.

“You,” I say. “All of you, aremyfamily. Obviously, I’m nowhere near old enough for this to actually be the case, but today, you’re all my godchildren, and I’m here to take care of you. To assure you that, today of all days, you needn’t worry about anything else but having a good time. Even if you can only put your worries to rest for five minutes, take those five minutes away from the stress of your day-to-day life. I wish I could give you more than those five minutes, or this afternoon. I wish I could give you everything you deserve every single day.” When I was preparing this speech, which is a variation on what I say every year, I couldn’t help but think about my own family. Try as I might, I think about my parents much more than I would like. About how, in our case, time seems to have done the opposite of healing. About how the scar tissue on our relationship has grown out of control, because we’ve let it. Maybe next year, as I stand here to deliver the same kind of speech, things will be different, or they will be exactly the same. It’s not for me to know, because if I’ve learned one thing since last Christmas, it’s that no matter how much you try to control life, it will always remain utterly unpredictable. I only have to look over at Mimi to be reminded of that.

CHAPTER42

MIMI

EPILOGUE

“I’ve been sitting on this for a while.” I smooth the wrapping paper of the present I’m holding. “Waiting for the best moment to give it to you.” Tomorrow is the table read for theUndergroundmovie that Nora, eventually, said yes to. The fact that Nora was so reluctant, and that Elisa Fox had to come by the house a few times to convince her was an unexpected perk.

“You got me a present?” For someone so universally adored, and who has every material whim taken care of, Nora can still be knocked completely sideways when someone does her a small kindness. It touches the part of her she has shielded for decades. “No way.” She clasps her hands in front of her mouth.

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