Page 78 of The Love We Make

“You know when I’m truly myself?” I stare into her eyes. “When I don’t have to perform for anyone. When I’m alone. That’s what I’d like to be right now.” I give her a terse nod so she gets the hint.

“Don’t shut Jay and me out.” Imani gets up and crouches next to the bed where I’m sitting. “We’ll give you the space you need right now, but we’re here for you whenever you need us.”

As if she’s picking up on what we’re saying, Izzy whimpers next to me.

Imani rises, presses a soft kiss on the top of my head, and walks to the door. “You never have to perform for us. I hope you know that.”

Apparently, I don’t know anything. Apparently, I’m now no longer good enough for my best friends, either. And what’s all this nonsense about me not loving myself enough and not being good enough for myself about? I like myself plenty. A little less when I’m with other people, but I’ve found ways to deal with that. I lie down and Izzy jumps into my lap immediately. That’s why I have dogs. They love me a ridiculous amount from the moment they open their eyes in the morning until they go to sleep. I can’t say the wrong thing to them. They don’t care whether I’m close with my family or not.

But all of this has to be more than a misunderstanding. It must be more than me not adequately expressing myself. I do know that, but what I don’t know is how on earth I’m supposed to do what everyone has suddenly decided to start telling me I should do: love myself more.

CHAPTER34

MIMI

Despite myself, my heart skips a beat when the doorbell rings just past four on Sunday afternoon. Despite telling myself I need to forget about Nora. But it could be her. It’s not entirely inconceivable that she has prepared a grand gesture.

I open the door and am greeted with a huge bunch of flowers. It wouldn’t be the first time Nora has sent a lavish bouquet to apologize, either.

“I’m sorry.” The voice from behind those flowers is not Nora’s, but I know it all too well. My heart sinks. As well as trying to forget about Nora Levine, I now have to deal with my ex. Cathy moves the flowers away from her face and stands there smiling sheepishly at me. “I’m sorry for being such an asshole. For calling you out of the blue and saying those things. For calling Austin.” She shakes her head. “That was a low blow.” She holds out the flowers. “Even if you can’t accept my apology, please accept the flowers.”

On automatic pilot, I take them from her.

“Mid-life has me flailing a bit,” Cathy says. “I’m such a cliché, but the last thing I should have done is involve you in any of it. I truly am sorry.”

“Come in.” I can’t just let her stand out there. “Let’s talk.”

I usher her into the kitchen, where I put the flowers in a vase and make us some coffee.

“Ravi and I are back together. I almost screwed it up with her as well,” she says.

At least, she hasn’t come here to try and get me back again.

“You need to leave my kids alone, Cathy. Promise me.”

“You have my word.” She peers at me from over the rim of her mug. “Are you okay, Mimi? You don’t look like your usual fabulous self. Are the kids all right?”

“Everyone’s fine. We had a good Thanksgiving.” Under the circumstances. “You?”

“At least I don’t have to spend Thanksgiving with your ex-husband any longer.” She snickers. “I’m good. I’ve come back to my senses.”

We make small talk for a while about work and the kids.

“I know it’s not my business, but why do you look like you’re carrying the entire weight of the world on your shoulders?” Cathy asks.

I gaze at the flowers she brought. They make me think of the bouquet Nora sent me after she tried to kiss me right where I’m sitting now.

“Bad break-up.”

“I’m so sorry, Mimi. Their loss, I’m sure—and I should know.” She clears her throat. “I might have been obnoxiously drunk at the time, and totally out of line, but those things I said about you, I meant them.” Her eyes are kind when she smiles. “Was it a mutual decision? This break-up?”

It wasn’t even a decision. It was an argument that spiraled out of control, followed by Nora making herself unreachable to me. Juan said he’d talk to her, but I haven’t heard from him, so I can only assume the worst.

“It wasn’t even really a thing yet.” As I say it, I know it’s a big lie. I only told Nora I loved her—maybe that was another mistake.

“Anyone I know?”

Oh, yes. Everyone knows Nora—or they think they do. I shake my head. “You haven’t met them.” At least that’s true.

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