Page 75 of The Love We Make

“Thanks,” I say, but I’m not holding my breath.

* * *

It’s late. I’m exhausted, physically as well as emotionally, and Jennifer’s the only one left at the house.

“I think I’ll stay over if that’s all right?” she asks.

“Of course, darling.” I’m more than happy with the company.

We sink into the couch together.

“When you came downstairs with Juan earlier, I could tell you’d been crying,” she says.

“Yeah.” I swallow another lump out of my throat.

“Do you love her?” Jennifer asks.

I nod and shrug at the same time. “I know you think the world of Nora, darling, but she can be infuriatingly complicated.”

“I had to get used to the idea of you and Nora, because she’s Nora Levine, you know? But I can’t possibly imagine anyone not wanting to be with you. So I know it must be down to her.”

“That’s sweet of you to say, darling.” I don’t add that it’s untrue. Cathy found plenty of reasons to dump me a few years ago. Although, I really don’t believe this break-up with Nora is down to me. Although I keep mulling over what Juan said. That I somehow made Nora feel as though she wasn’t good enough, even though that wasn’t my intention. That my love for her depends on her behaving a certain way. There’s not an ounce of truth in any of that, but if that’s how Nora spins things in her head, what can I do about that? I can love her with all my heart, but I can’t make her love herself enough so she doesn’t have to twist my words into something they’re not.

“At that party at her house a while back, she had a couple of drinks, and I had quite a long talk with her,” Jennifer says. “Because I thought we were kindred spirits in being self-partnered.” She arches up her eyebrows briefly. “Obviously, I didn’t know there was something brewing between the two of you.” She pauses. “From talking to her, it seemed her reasons for being single are the opposite of mine. Nora is not self-partnered. Not in the way that I am. She puts herself first, but it doesn’t come from the same place that I do. She doesn’t love herself like a partner would. I was quite shocked by her insecurity, to be honest.”

“Yeah.” My daughter might have just hit the nail on the head. Nora’s not self-partnered because she finds all the love she needs within herself. She’s single because she can’t allow herself to be loved.

“It could be that she’s just completely incapable of having a mature relationship, Mom. She has been single for a very long time.”

“And I was a fool to think I could just swoop in and change that about her.”

“You’re not a fool for falling in love. That’s just ridiculous.”

Tell that to my foolish heart. “How about some mindless TV?” I’m done talking for the day. I’m done thinking about Nora.

“Sure.” Jennifer switches on the television. Looking right back at us, is Emily Brooks in an inevitableHigh Lifererun. Jennifer quickly changes the channel. “We just can’t escape her these days, can we?”

“We can from now on,” I say, closing my eyes, trying not to think about Nora—again—and wondering what happened to that girl in her early twenties I just saw on my TV screen. What tricks life in Hollywood have played on her brain that she can only exist as a single recluse. I guess I’ll never know.

CHAPTER33

NORA

The Saturday after Thanksgiving Juan and Imani start ganging up on me.

“A woman like Mimi’s not going to wait around for you to apologize forever,” Juan says. “I hear her ex is sniffing around.”

“Mimi’s no longer interested in her ex,” I bite back.

“Maybe she wasn’t when things were unfolding with you, but you dumped her, so…”

“Jay.” Imani shakes her head. “I’m not sure this is the way to go about things.”

“I’m just telling it like it is. Mark my words, Cathy’s going to make a move soon. She wants Mimi back.”

“She’s a little late for that,” I say, but what do I know? Mimi dropped everything to pick her up from that bar. But it doesn’t matter. It’s not my business anymore. Juan’s just trying to make me jealous. It’s working, but only a little.

“Nora,” Imani says. We’re gathered around the table outside, as though we’re having a meeting about something vitally important. “Are you a hundred percent sure that you’re totally done with Mimi?”

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