Page 19 of The Love We Make

I nod.

“How did you swing that?”

“I invited her, and she said yes.”

Kate pulls a face I can’t decipher. “Wow. She must like you, then.” She gives me a once-over.

“She did say not to expect a return invitation.”

“That sounds more like Nora.”

“Do you know her well?”Myinterest is definitely piqued now.

“I wish I did, but… I mean, we try. The number of times Stella has tried to get together, or even just have Nora come over for coffee or a cocktail. Sometimes, she says yes, because I do think Nora likes Stella. They get along fine, but there’s this thing… I don’t know how to describe it. This wall. This—”

“Silence, please,” The assistant director says. “Places.”

I’ve only had one dinner with Nora, but I know what Kate means. It’s not an unwillingness on Nora’s part, I believe. Maybe more of a means of self-preservation. Or just, very simply, how she is.

Kate and I watch Stella and Nora play their scene. It’s striking how differently they approach it. Stella’s character seems to be almost a continuation of herself. But Jessie, Nora’s character, is totally different to her own, and it’s almost shocking to see Nora change, seemingly just like that, although there’s so much more to it than meets the eye. If some people are put on this earth with the purpose of playing other people, Nora is one of them. Once she’s in character, it’s impossible to look away.

Even someone like me, who has worked in television for most of her life, can’t understand why Nora doesn’t have shelves full of Emmys. Although it’s not that hard to work out—she hasn’t taken on any significant parts sinceHigh Lifeended twenty years ago. As though it took her two decades to recover from everything that playing Emily Brooks, easily one of the most-beloved characters in the history of television, put her through. She alluded to it during our dinner. It takes a lot to carry the burden of that kind of fame and some actors naturally know how to handle it better than others.

In between takes, Nora hardly moves. Stella chats with the people around her, but Nora is all focus. Kate and I remain silent, both of us transfixed in our own way, as we watch Stella and Nora play Megan and Jessie.

“I’ll be in touch about dinner,” Kate says after the director has called the scene. “I’m sure Stella will be up for it.” Stella’s walking toward us.

“What did the little man make of that?” She heaves a fake sigh. “Don’t tell me he slept right through it.”

“Sorry, babe.” Kate softly caresses Stella’s shoulder. “But Michelle and I loved it. Great job.”

“Amazing,” I say, resorting to typical hyperbolic TV exec speak.

Kate leaves her hand on Stella’s shoulder, as though she simply has to be in physical contact with the woman she loves, and a pang of something travels through me. Maybe I’ve been single for too long. Maybe it’s time I put myself out there and found myself someone who can’t help but touch me like that whenever she clasps eyes on me. Cathy and I broke up almost two years ago.

From the corner of my eye, I see Nora approach. At first, it looks as though she might walk right past us, but then she seems to change her mind.

“Hey.” She gives me the tightest of nods. As though we are nothing more than distant acquaintances. I hardly think we’re friends, but we did spend, in my opinion, a lovely evening together.

For a few seconds, her face melts as she looks at Silas.

“Forty-five minutes until the next scene,” someone says.

“Can we go over that scene again, Stella?” Nora asks, barely acknowledging Kate and me. But she’s working, and Kate and I are only visitors. I’d be a fool to hold this against her, yet it stings a little that, to Nora Levine, I might as well not be here. I might as well not exist.

“Sure. I’ll be there in a sec.” Stella and Kate disappear into their family-of-three bubble.

Before Nora has a chance to walk off, I remind her that I’m here. That I’m a person, too.

“You’re probably, like, in the zone, but, um, great job.” What the hell was that? It’s as though I, too, have forgotten who I am. Nora has that kind of disorienting effect on me.

“Hm,” is all she says, before she disappears around the corner.

“Don’t take it personally,” Kate says after Stella has gone after Nora to rehearse their next scene. “Nora’s like that with everyone. Well, except her holy gay twosome, Juan and Imani. They’re the only two people who are special to her.”

As though he senses that his other mother has left, Silas starts fussing.

“Someone’s hungry,” Kate says. “I’d better take care of this. See you later, Michelle.”

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