Page 12 of The Love We Make

“From what I gather, that feeling is mutual, although to be honest, I’m not entirely sure that doesn’t have something to do with Juan’s proximity to you. In my family, you’re as close to TV royalty as it gets. All my kids still revere you.”

“Aw.” I never really know what to say to that. It’s easy enough to brush off in a furtive social situation, but face-to-face with Michelle, it’s a little awkward. “I knowHigh Lifemeant a lot to many people.” Platitudes have saved the day many a time for me. “You work in TV. You know what we sell is illusions most of all.”

Michelle arches up her eyebrows. “I couldn’t disagree more with you on that. We don’t sell illusions. We tell stories. We delight viewers with characters they can’t help but fall utterly in love with, like Emily onHigh Life. We make people’s lives better by giving them something to unwind to at the end of a long day, and by giving them characters to laugh and bond with when they feel lonely.”

“Damn. You really believe in what you do.”

“I’m truly obsessed with television,” Michelle says. “I’m utterly thrilled we’re now in the golden age of TV. The content that gets made these days is unbelievable. The level of entertainment we bring is off the charts. It’s a privilege to be a part of that.”

Michelle St James is a true television believer. I’ve met a few in my career, but not as many as I would have liked to. Now, in my fifties, it’s hard not to take it all with a very large pinch of salt. Decades in this business don’t seem to have had the same effect on Michelle.

“If you put it like that.” I drink some more wine.

“How would you put it?”

“It’s very different for me. I’m an actor. I’m just a tiny cog in the wheel.”

“Again, I must disagree.” She sounds adamant. “Casting is one of the most important aspects of any project. The right actor for a role can make or break a show. You’re the perfect example of that. No one else could have made the part of Emily inHigh Lifeas iconic as you. It’s not just the part that sprouted in the writers’ mind, and it’s not just you either, it’s the special alchemy of the two together. You brought Emily to life in your own unique way. You made her loved by billions of viewers and had them return to the show in droves every week.”

I stopped thinking about what made the part of Emily larger than life a long time ago—because that stuff will drive you crazy.

When I don’t respond, Michelle continues. “Why did you specifically request Stella get a callback for the part of Megan?” She regards me intently.

“Because I didn’t get the right vibe off any of the other actors they’d selected for the chemistry test and I’d just seen Stella inLike No One Else.”

“My point exactly.” Michelle’s gaze on me doesn’t waver. “You were looking for the spark, that thing between certain people that causes magic on screen.”

“Maybe, but coincidence and timing had a lot to do with it as well. If I hadn’t just been bowled over by that Lana Lynch movie, I would never have heard of Stella, and the part of Megan would have gone to someone else.”

“What you call coincidence, I call the stars of TV history aligning.”

I can’t help but scoff. “So much in our business is down to sheer coincidence.”

“So is a lot that happens in life. If Gerry hadn’t sent those pictures, you and I wouldn’t be sitting here tonight.”

I’m vaguely aware the former CEO of Gloves Off Productions sent inappropriate pictures to female members of staff, but I prefer not to remember the details.

I take a sip of wine. Michelle doesn’t touch hers. “I love TV too. I love that this is my job. I love acting more than anything else.” I put up with a lot in order to be able to do it, I think, but don’t say out loud to someone like Mimi—I reserve those conversations for my two best friends. “I love that you’re so passionate about it.”

“Maybe a bit too much.” Mimi spears an olive onto a toothpick. “I’ve spent the best part of my working life on TV sets, getting things done, and I’ve always preferred it to the endless meetings and yammering on about the non-creative stuff.”

“Really?” And this from a top executive.

“Yes, but the creative doesn’t exist without the non-creative and vice versa.” Her features soften. “Honestly, my big teenage dream was always to become a director. But… well, I wanted a lot of things, and I realized pretty quickly you risk getting nothing if you don’t learn to compromise.”

“Like you did when you married your husband?” Oops. There I go again. And I’ve only had half a glass of wine. “Sorry.” I shoot Michelle my most apologetic smile. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“It’s okay. Really.” Michelle leans forward and taps her fingertips to my knee. “I appreciate your directness.” She has a very active way of showing it.

“But still.”

“No, seriously, Nora. It’s refreshing.”

“People usually call it obnoxious and annoying, so I’ll take refreshing.” The smile I give her now originates somewhere deep in my core.

“You’re right. Marrying Eric was a compromise. Just as deciding to focus on the business side of things instead of trying to become something unattainable when I was in my twenties, thirties, and forties, for that matter: a female director.” Michelle shakes her head. “Life’s much easier once you accept you can’t have everything you want.” Michelle takes her wine glass in her hands and twirls it around. “Better as well. I have so much. Four wonderful children. Three adorable grandkids. A great career in a business I love.”

Michelle doesn’t look as though she wants for anything in life. She has that calm, content glow about her of a woman without regrets. It’s easy enough to warm to. She exudes the kind of confidence I enjoy basking in.

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