Page 78 of Beautiful Collide

Another thing that happens instantly is that the tension swirling around the room immediately drops.

It vanishes completely.

Or so I think before I pivot to turn to look at Dane.

My brother’s “Dad Mode” has been activated. It’s easy to tell when he falls back into his parental role by the way he stands, arms crossed over his chest, and how his expression locks on to me, the one I have been known to love and hate in equal measure.

“You okay?” His voice is lower than normal. Great. He’s concerned.

I force a smile, one I hope looks more convincing than it feels. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

The lie rolls off my tongue so easily that I almost believe it myself.

Almost believe that my anxiety hasn’t gotten worse over the past few months.

But inside, my stomach twists.

My chest feels tight.

My head screams . . .liar.

I’m not okay. I haven’t been okay in months. Ever since I sawhim, things have been . . . bad. He’s gone now. You’re okay. But I’m not.

The panic attacks are back with a vengeance, clawing at me when I least expect them. Some nights, I’ll wake up gasping for air, my heart pounding like I’d just sprinted a mile.

Other times, I find I’m afraid to walk into rooms.

To be alone.

To fly.

Anything where I question my control.

If I feel out of control, it feels like I’ll suffocate.

I know that fear is just a mirage. It disappears if you have the courage to walk through it, but knowing it’s an illusion doesn’t help…

Honestly, it only makes it worse.

But no way am I about to dump this all on Dane.

He’s already been through so much in life.

I won’t add my mess to his.

“If you’re sure.” He doesn’t sound convinced, but he doesn’t push. That’s not Dane’s style. He’s more the grumpy, brooding type.

Instead, he gestures to the small coffee table by the window. “Sit. Let’s have coffee before the chaos starts. I’ll have to head to the arena soon and still need to do a few things.”

“Anything I can help with?”

“Nope. Josie’s helping.”

At the mention of his girlfriend, Josie, my back tightens. It’s not because I don’t like her. Actually, it’s the opposite—I love her. It’s just because with her in his life, does he really need me?

I nod, moving toward the table, then sliding into one of the chairs.

My coffee is still warm when I take a sip.

---