Page 28 of Code Name: Admiral

“What? Just fucking tell me!” I shouted.

“While not with me directly, Sarah worked for the bureau. Specifically, the FBI’s organized crime unit. She was undercover, investigating the Castellano family at the time of her death.”

Bile rose in my throat, and dizziness overwhelmed me enough that I grasped his hand tighter. “I don’t understand,” I said in a voice barely above a whisper. I looked down at where Admiral’s thumb rubbed the back of my hand as I processed what he’d just told me. It couldn’t be true. If it was, it meant I knew nothing about my sister’s life.Nothing.“You’re lying.”

He shook his head. “It’s the truth, Alice.”

“But how?” I asked the question, but wasn’t sure I was ready to hear the answer. Would Admiral be able to explain why she’d never told me? Why she’d kept so much of her life a secret from me? Could he explain why she’d spent years lying to me? Tremors turned into jolts so strong I felt as though I’d come out of my skin. Before I realized what he was doing, Admiral lifted me from the sofa and onto his lap. He tightened both arms around me while I continued to shake uncontrollably.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered against my hair.

“For what? Her lies? Her betrayal? Her death?” I gasped the words as much as said them.

“All of it.”

“You said she didn’t work with you. Did you know her?”

“We never met.”

“Why didn’t she tell me?” I sounded like a child. A kid who’d just found out she never really knew her sister.

“She wanted to protect you,” he said, raising one hand to stroke my hair.

“How do you know that?”

“Because it’s how I feel. Why I didn’t tell you until now. Why I wouldn’t have if Diesel didn’t say what he did.”

“You would’ve kept it from me? For how long? Would you have ever told me?”

“Yes,” he answered simply.

“When?”

“I don’t know. I guess when I felt you were ready.”

“How can you say that? You know nothing about me.” Tears filled my eyes once more, and I hid my face in his chest. “You don’t know me.”

“Don’t I, Alice?” he whispered, continuing to stroke my hair. “I know what I’m about to say will sound crazy, but I think Sarah wants me to protect you. She wants me to be here for you, to ease your pain.”

I couldn’t admit it now, but itdidn’tsound crazy. I squeezed my eyes shut, and Sarah’s image appeared. “Let him take care of you,” I could swear I heard her whisper.

12

ADMIRAL

It was as though a weighted blanket suddenly covered Alice, and with it, she stopped shaking. I could feel her breathing, but just barely. Her tears that had drenched my shirt stopped falling, and her taut muscles loosened. If I had to use one word to describe her shift, I’d say acceptance. Could she feel her sister’s presence in the same way I did? If I believed in such a thing, I’d say her ghost was in the room with us, watching over Alice, using me as her conduit.

The sensation grew stronger, and Alice snuggled closer to me, her breathing matching mine. I knew then that I’d protect and care for her every day for the rest of my life. It was as though Sarah had handed me the responsibility because she knew I’d take it. Not just that, but I’d embrace it in the same way I held her sister.

We sat on the sofa, her on my lap, until long after it had gotten dark. The fire still roared without my stoking it, and otherwise, the camp was quiet and still.

I had no idea where anyone else was, and it didn’t matter to me. My priority was Alice, and I’d not let her go until I knew she was ready. I didn’t care if it was hours from now.

Eventually, she’d have more questions, and I wouldn’t necessarily have the answers. Grit might, though. And if he didn’t, he’d know how to get them.

At some point, I’d need to let my family know Bobby was dead. I owed them that much, to hear it from me.

While I wasn’t certain who’d fired the gun that killed him, I knew it wasn’t Alice, and for that, I was thankful. She’d never know the weight a person who’d taken the life of another carried on their soul. As much as she wanted revenge, the old adage of it being like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die was true. It would’ve eaten away at her. Instead, the repercussions of his death would gnaw at another’s soul.

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