Page 6 of Wild Obsession

“Cuz I feel like it.”

“But you’re good. You’re really good. Why don’t you go to practice? Everyone knows you’re the best drummer in the band.”

This time, the surprise is both more dramatic and longer lasting. Both eyebrows rise. His mouth falls open, thecigarette dangling from numb fingers. This can’t possibly be news to him. Does he seriously think anyone in that band can out-drum him? He drums circles around all of us on the rare occasions he bothers to try.

“What do you want, Freckles?” he says. “You’re annoying me now.”

“I want you to come back inside with me and drum.”

“Why? What’s it matter to you?”

“Because you’re good and you should be there. Because…” I stop short. Why did I chase him out here? Why does it make me so mad that he’s hiding under the bleachers instead of playing in a stupid high school band? Why did I make it my business that he cut class?

He takes another drag from his cigarette, those smirking lips closing around the tip, his cheeks hollowing as he sucks in, his eyes on mine. He exhales, blowing the smoke right in my face. I swat it away, but I find it far less annoying than I should. Instead of coughing, I’m thinking about the way his lips closed around the tip of the cigarette.

“Why do you do that?” I say, mostly to distract myself, to saysomething. “It’s super bad for you.”

“Yeah,” he says with a toothy smile. Then he leans closer, so close our noses almost touch. “But boys find it hot.”

Heat rushes up my neck and into my cheeks before I can stop it, and Keannen’s grin widens. From this close, it’s even prettier than those glimpses I sometimes get in class.Something about how his lips stretch to reveal his teeth twists things inside me that are rapidly melting into mush.

I’ve never heard anyone just say it, just say they like boys. I mean, I’ve heard girls say it sometimes, but I’ve never heard a guy say it. It’s not that anyone will be outright homophobic or something. It’s just … not something you say when you’re a guy in high school. Though, thinking back on it, it’s not a huge surprise. I’ve never seen Keannen pay attention to a girl, but every once in a while when he catches me glaring at him in class, he’ll wink in return. I thought he was messing with me, but what if…

I blink, but it does little to put my head back together or stop the heat searing my cheeks. I know Keannen can see it. He’s grinning like the Cheshire cat, and he’s barely backed off at all.

“That’s…” I manage, “that’s a really stupid reason.”

“Is it?” he says. “You’re here.”

Somehow, I burn even hotter. I know my eyes are wide. I know my face is bright red. I know there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. A puddle forms in my gut, a molten soup where my organs should be.

Keannen swipes his thumb along my burning cheek. “Your freckles look cute when you blush.”

I’ve never thought about my freckles looking cute. Even Carly, the girl I kissed in second grade, never said anything about my freckles. I always figured they were pretty unremarkable. Lots of people have freckles. Mine aren’tspecial. But when Keannen touches my cheek like that, when he comments on them, it feels like I’ve got stardust on my cheeks instead of ordinary freckles.

Keannen flicks his cigarette aside and cups my cheek. His tongue flicks out, wetting his lips. My mind whirls, a thousand thoughts crashing into each other, but one rises above the fray:Holy shit. He’s going to kiss me.

I should reel away. I should push him back. He’s taller than me, but skinny. I could overpower him and get out of here.

I don’t.

I stand rooted to the spot, Keannen’s hand cool on my cheek, his thumb stroking as his eyes trace my own parted, shocked lips.

“Didn’t know you liked guys, Freckles,” he says, so close he has to lower his voice.

“I don’t,” I say.

“Damn, what a shame.”

Then he leans in, and those lips I’ve watched smirk through so many algebra classes are against mine. I reach up, but when my hands land on his chest, I don’t push him away. My fingers curl, clinging to him, maybe because I both can’t believe this is happening and dare not let it end.

Keannen’s mouth is sour from the cigarette, but I don’t care when those lips press firmly against mine and he sucks the breath right out of my lungs. Kissing Carly in second grade never felt like this. It felt like putting my mouthagainst a slightly damp gummy worm. Keannen’s mouth is different. Keannen’s mouth is hard and demanding. It’s fireworks. It’s nuclear bombs exploding in my brain. My eyes flutter shut, as though I need to narrow my senses to nothing but the mouth against mine. Without thinking, I kiss him back, pressing into the firmness of his lips, colliding into him like a comet careening into the earth. I can’t stop myself from falling, blazing hot as I streak toward an inevitable crash.

When Keannen pulls away, I waver, but at some point he put a hand on my waist. I don’t stop clinging to his shirt, keeping him close as we stand there breathlessly blinking at each other under the bleachers. My thoughts haven’t stopped tumbling like laundry in a dryer. I came out here in a rage, thinking I might drag him back inside, furious with him for cutting class when he’s the most talented drummer in the entire band. How did I suddenly end up kissing him?

Except it’s not sudden, a little voice inside me says. I know it’s not sudden, I just haven’t had to face it until now. All those smiles during class, the way I couldn’t look away from him, the way drumming beside him invariably throws me off. Keannen Summers has always had an effect on me, but I’ve buried it under anger and resentment, too afraid to acknowledge that it could be … this.

A shudder runs through me, fear chasing that last thought. My friends, my parents, my sisters. What would they say? What would they think? It’s so, so hard to focuson the judgment of others when Keannen is holding me and my mouth remembers the shape of his against it and my tongue tastes bitter and sweet all at once because of his cigarette.

---